Dad went wild last night on the rampage

[kindred]

I have tried googling one she never got back
This morning 3 arabic lady carers turned up nobody told me they were coming she had no care plan and turned up a hour over the time from a agency that specialises in arabic people im not racist but cultural differences there she didn’t know what she was there to do i was on my way out the door with dad important appointment
My dads irish
Wont touch pork /ham in sandwiches which my dads eats
Said will bring her friend to help
If i hadnt been there would have load of women sitting in my dads living room its a beyond a joke
Emailed the sw told her im not happy im desperate fir a carer but not that desperate and ( ask if i could get a new sw in different email )asked if i could cancel the carers which I might just do

This is too much for you. I am so sorry. I did have a carer breakdown and I would not recommend it but it did resolve the issue and my husband was found a nursing home place (self funding). My husband also had a bad accident and the whole situation is about keeping people out of care until the train crash happens.
Consider telling them you cannot manage any more, you cannot be involved any more, your own health is breaking down. They need to safe guard him as a vulnerable adult. You have to try to save yourself, I know you love your dad but you must save yourself. I am still recovering from all my experiences. warmest, Kindred.

 

[annielou]

I have tried googling one she never got back
This morning 3 arabic lady carers turned up nobody told me they were coming she had no care plan and turned up a hour over the time from a agency that specialises in arabic people im not racist but cultural differences there she didn’t know what she was there to do i was on my way out the door with dad important appointment
My dads irish
Wont touch pork /ham in sandwiches which my dads eats
Said will bring her friend to help
If i hadnt been there would have load of women sitting in my dads living room its a beyond a joke
Emailed the sw told her im not happy im desperate fir a carer but not that desperate and ( ask if i could get a new sw in different email )asked if i could cancel the carers which I might just do

There are no words sorry no helpful comments but I just thought 'for goodness sake'

 

[TNJJ]

This is too much for you. I am so sorry. I did have a carer breakdown and I would not recommend it but it did resolve the issue and my husband was found a nursing home place (self funding). My husband also had a bad accident and the whole situation is about keeping people out of care until the train crash happens.
Consider telling them you cannot manage any more, you cannot be involved any more, your own health is breaking down. They need to safe guard him as a vulnerable adult. You have to try to save yourself, I know you love your dad but you must save yourself. I am still recovering from all my experiences. warmest, Kindred.

I had to step back from being dads main carer as I was close to a breakdown. Dad has carers in 4X a day.

I was having nightmares of what i needed to do. Shopping doctors etc..
Okay the carers don’t do what I would do exactly but hey ho..
They also don’t have the emotional ties. When he is being stroppy and hard work they don’t have to take it personally.

I handed everything over to the carers and doctors. I couldn’t carry on anymore.4 years was enough.

You need to say you can no longer take care of him..!Not easy!

 

[deepetshopboy]

I had to step back from being dads main carer as I was close to a breakdown. Dad has carers in 4X a day.

I was having nightmares of what i needed to do. Shopping doctors etc..
Okay the carers don’t do what I would do exactly but hey ho..
They also don’t have the emotional ties. When he is being stroppy and hard work they don’t have to take it personally.

I handed everything over to the carers and doctors. I couldn’t carry on anymore.4 years was enough.

You need to say you can no longer take care of him..!Not easy!

I wish i could i cant i just cant abandon him i really havent got it in me I suppose at some point down the line ill have to admit defeat .i spent 4 months caring for terminally ill mum in 2011 thought that was hard but no this is hands down the most horrendous experience ive ever gone through not just the dementia the whole system too is a joke its like your set up to fail no matter what you do

 

[TNJJ]

I wish i could i cant i just cant abandon him i really havent got it in me I suppose at some point down the line ill have to admit defeat .i spent 4 months caring for terminally ill mum in 2011 thought that was hard but no this is hands down the most horrendous experience ive ever gone through not just the dementia the whole system too is a joke its like your set up to fail no matter what you do

I can understand that.I didn't think I had it in me either.I upped his care package because to be honest ,if I hadn't I would have had a breakdown. As it is I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis.So that kind of brought it home.I'm also an only child..It feels like an uphill battle the majority of the time...
I haven't abandoned my dad.I just care for him in a different way.I'm no longer doing the personal care or taking him out.He is too heavy.Getting him into a wheelchair using the Sara Steady and then her to the ramp out was too much..

As people with dementia cannot change I had too.For my own sake..

What would happen if you became ill??What about employing someone locally?

 

[deepetshopboy]

Yeah i know .feels like im going round in circles no consistent care
the sw is contacting day centre again
And carrying on with carers but i told her there not suitable but said i will try till Saturday if not im getting rid of them and either they try new ones or i just leave it and start finding my own via agency again or advert .i dont blame the sw as she passing it on to another department but still frustrating
Ive got a private agency meant to be taking my dad out tuesday for couple of hours .
Run ragged exhausted

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear Deepetshopboy,

I just want to reassure you that you are doing all that a son can do for his dad. I didn't like to think of dad being in a care home but in the end I had to put him in and it was a good choice because it was like giving him a new lease of life in a way. After a few months of being in the home his dementia seemed better because he had company all day and there were various activities for him. I felt as though I was grieving for him when he went in permanently but gradually I started to come to terms with the situation.

Thinking of you

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

When I was caring for my mum a friend said to me that the time for a care home has come when it’s what your loved one needs not what you need. Unfortunately, it’s not easy to see that until you have hindsight. I completely broke down and was signed off work for two months. Fortunately my mum’s social worker was excellent and agreed immediately that mum was now at the stage she needed care.it broke my heart and I felt, and still feel, guilty. But i know it was the only thing I could do and it’s only now looking back that I can see that for her sake I should have done that much earlier. I felt huge guilt and grief but you have to do what is best for him.

 

[canary]

I think it is actually quite difficult to see when moving into a care home is in the PWDs best interest. It somehow feels as though you are doing it for yourself - hence most people feel (quite unnecessary) guilt. It is only in retrospect that you can see that it was, indeed, the right thing to do.

I think the thing that makes it harder is that usually they do not want to go and often try and make you promise that you will never do it. In the face of that you pretty much have to go behind their backs - yet another reason the feel guilty.

And yet, and yet........... Mum was so much happier once she moved and settled into her care home. She became calmer, lost all her paranoia and aggression. Before she moved in there I feared that she would not see the year out and she lived for another three years - two good ones and that one last dogged with illness. I felt I had got my mum back

 

[Sirena]

I agree with all you say @canary My mother has been in a CH for nearly two years and I thought I'd moved her a bit early - it took me some time to realise she really had gone in at absolutely the right time. She's really happy there, and he fact she went at a point when she was still able to socialise and interact with the carers meant she was able to adapt to her surroundings, she genuinely feels it is her home.