Dad is being tested for dementia and looking after my own mental health

[Pinksparkles84]

Hi
My dad has been for a memory test with the doctor and it was worse than we had thought. He struggled remembering the name and address he was told at the beginning of the test.
I wondered what advice you had about protecting my own mental health. I struggle with generalised anxiety disorder and want to be able to separate normal worries and feelings when dealing with potentially hearing my dad has dementia. For some years my sister, brother and I have said to our mum that my dad seems to be losing his confidence and struggles to find words. He often calls my brother (who he trained as a gas engineer and carpenter years ago) to ask how to do simple things. He also used to play the bass guitar really well and has lost the ability to do this. I would welcome your thoughts. Obviously we are all feeling sad and unsettled. In my work I deal with dementia patients and I think I might have to take more of a backseat role to maintain my mental health.

 

[Sarasa]

Welcome to Dementia Support Forum @Pinksparkles84.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad's possible diagnosis. Has your mum been supporting him more than you and your siblings realised? Often dementia seems to pull families apart rather than bringing them together, so I think you need to be honest with your siblings about how you feel. You can still support your dad and by extension your mother by other things such as helping with admin or maybe taking your mum out to give her a break while your brother or sister looks after your dad.
In 2019 my mum had recently gone into care, wasn't settling and I was having a hard time trying to visit her and manage her affairs. At the same time my brother was seriously ill in hospital and it looked like he might die. The only way I could cope was to not think about either of them when I wasn't actually with them or sorting something out for them. I think it might have made me look rather heartless, but it helped me get through that very difficult period.

 

[Gosling]

Just a note to say welcome to this friendly and supportive forum from me too @Pinksparkles84 .
I am sorry to read about your Dad, and the concerns you have for a possible dementia diagnosis. @Sarasa has already given some sound advice which I cannot really add to.
This is a great place to reach out and ask questions. I hope you will as there is total understanding here.
Many members here will have been through similar experiences, so you will not be alone.

 

[Pinksparkles84]

Thank you both for your input & actually @Sarasa that is some very sound advice.

I think my mum has been supporting him more than we realised. She and my sister have been at loggerheads as my sister was the first one to pick up that dad wasn’t quite right and so my sister spoke to friends to help her deal with it. When my mum found out she hit the roof and said that she doesn’t want anyone to know. Even now my mum hasn’t told her sisters (whom she is very close to) - my sister let it slip over Christmas to them but my mum still doesn’t know. I’ve told my mum there is no shame in talking to people about a possible diagnosis as everyone is there to support, not judge. Yesterday my mum said that my dad doesn’t want anyone laughing at him or knowing. It’s come to the point where some acquaintances have asked if he has dementia and it is becoming obvious (another example was when we went to our local carnival and when we walked away dad was still standing in the same place and getting lost when then following us - I’m guessing this is a sign of dementia?)