Dad has Alzheimer’s & vascular dementia

[Sue1967]

Hi, my dad was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s & vascular dementia through having a stroke whilst driving. His driving was very slow, 10mph, we checked the footage on his dash cam. He turned into a side road & hit a car on the rear, drivers side, a passing off duty police officer saw him & how dazed he was so took him to the police station. My brother phoned me to go & fetch him but when I got there, dad wasn’t there. I went to see if dad was taken home but he wasn’t there either, so I went back to the police station & was just getting out the policeman’s own van. Dad was struggling to walk, put one foot in front of the other & seemed very dazed & confused. I told him to get checked out at hospital to which he replied, “There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m fine”. The police officer insisted that he gets checked out, so off we went. On route to the hospital, dad had 2 seizures, I was so scared & upset & was cursing the traffic lights as they kept turning red. I got to A & E where dad was still unconscious, an off duty ambulance man asked me if I needed help, I told him that my dad’s unconscious & I was going to book him in at A & E, luckily there were 2 people in an ambulance & the man told me to seek assistance from them. I told them about my dad & they helped me get him out the car, to which dad had started to come round, they rushed him straight in & got him booked in to see the Dr. The nurse took his bloods & blood pressure, which was high. I mentioned that it looked like he’d had a stroke as his mouth was down on one side. The nurse said she hadn’t noticed but when I mentioned it she took more bloods to test & sent him for an mri scan. It came back that he had had a stroke & wasn’t allowed to drive for 6 months. He told the nurse he only takes his blood pressure medication when he thinks he needs to take them, to which she replied, “You must take them every day & that’s why you’ve had a stroke. They put him on some other medication to which dad says to me at home, “I’m not taking those f###ing tablets, there’s nothing wrong with me. He had a Drs appointment that he kept forgetting to attend so the Dr rang him him up & told him to go for a check up, the Dr then rang me to say dad was being very confrontational & could I take him to hospital as he suspected dad had had another stroke & there was a 2 hour wait for an ambulance, so I agreed to take him. The hospital decided to keep him in to do some tests on him. They asked dad what year it was, he replied, “1970”. He thought he still worked at the pit. I took dad some clean clothes & my brother wanted to come too, so off we went. Dad was sitting at reception when we got there. The mental health nurse asked to speak to me, he told me they did another brain scan & it showed that dad had had another stroke & it’s caused dad to have Alzheimer’s & vascular dementia. He told me take dad’s car keys off him as he’s no longer fit to drive & they sent a form to dvla to revoke his licence. I took dad home & asked my brother to give me dad’s car keys to stop him from driving his car. Dad was frantically looking for his car keys & he asked me if I had them, I lied & said no. He had a hospital appointment the same week he’d been discharged, I took him for his appointment & on the way home he said he knew I had his keys & he wanted them back, I told him I wasn’t giving them to him as the Dr told me he’s not allowed to drive. When we got back to his bungalow he said he wasn’t getting out my car till he had his car keys back. I had to go to the police station to have him removed from my car as I was due to go to work that afternoon. The police said they would also put in a revoking order for his license. He had a rifle that they were concerned about so they asked dad if they could take it, he gave it to them willingly & said, “It doesn’t work anyway “. They asked me if I wanted it or did they have my permission to destroy it, I told them to destroy it as I didn’t want it. Dad has been telling everyone he knows that I stole his car keys & sold his car. He kept ringing me making excuses that he’d sold it to a garage owner he knows, so I went to see the garage owner & he told me that dad hadn’t been to see him about selling his car to him. I was getting a lot of aggro from dad about his car so the garage owner said he would collect it so that dad would have to go & see him about it to take the pressure off me. They came to an agreement that dad would sell him the car, afterwards dad rang me up to say, “Why have you sold my car”. I told him I hadn’t & he argued that I had, so I hung up on him. Dad now no longer talks to me & has banned me from the bungalow saying that I steal things. My brother is disabled & lives with dad, my brother rings me to take him shopping so I have to do it when dad isn’t in. My mum also has vascular dementia & has been in a care home for the past 2 years. Dad goes up every day to see her. I’ve had to fight him in court to get mum the care she needed as he said he could look after her when he can’t even look after himself. The day she went into the care home she was underweight & dehydrated so the hospital took it out of dads hands & put her in a care home where she is properly cared for. Dad wanted it to go to court as he doesn’t want her in the care home & when she had a fall in the home & was taken to hospital, dad saw it as an opportunity to take her home with him. When she wasn’t returned to the care home, they sent the police to take her back, she is protected by the safeguarding team so that nothing like that can happen again. I am hoping that dad will go in a care home too, as my brother isn’t coping with dad at home & has given up his freedom so that he can keep an eye on dad. I have told dad’s mental health nurse that my brother would like to go on holiday but doesn’t want to leave dad on his own, she has told my brother that he can go on holiday, even just a day trip, just to give them both a break.

 

[SERENA50]

Hi That is another awful lot to cope with for all of you 💕 Your brother definitely needs a break. I am assuming he does not have an extra help with your Dad and/or that your Dad doesn't want it? I try and tell myself that Dad is ill and that it is his brain that just doesn't have the parts that have the ability to use logic anymore but it is hard isn't it? You get all these things thrown at you and nowhere to go with them. The forum will hopefully provide you with some support and comfort. Keep posting if you need to.