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Crossing Over


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Debbie, my sincere condolances on the death of your dear dad.

He is now at peace, and peace and tranquility are my wishes to you and your mum. Take care of yourself, love n'hugs,

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Gear Debby,
Please accept my deepest sympathy and sincere condolences on the death of your father. I`m so pleased you are happy with the care he received, it helps so much.
I`m glad you know TP will still be here for you whenever you need it.
All the best for the funeral.
Love xx


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Debby

Your father is at peace now. I'm glad he was comfortable and well cared for at the end, that must be a great consolation to you.

I understand your only being able to grieve on your own, I'm exactly the same. Anyone else is an intrusion on my own personal thoughts.

Take care, and come back to us whenever you feel you want to.



Registered User
Oct 20, 2007
Dear Debby
I am so sorry to hear that your Dad has passed away. I have been thinking about you alot over these last few weeks, wondering how things were.

I am glad you have comfort with knowing Dad was well looked after in his last few days and kept comfortable, this must help enormously.

Will be thinking of you all on friday. Take care , love Nicky xxx

Keep posting and we'll all help each other a little x


Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
East Midlands
Dear Debby,

My condolences on the death of your father-but glad you were able to be with him.
Grieving is unique to us all, I think. When my father died 3 years ago I found it impossible to cry in front of my mum-maybe I was frightened of upsetting her ?
I still miss my dad-but don't think he's too far away!
Hope all goes well on Friday....Love Gigi x


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Dear Debby,
My sincere condolences on the passing of your Father. This illness takes away so much but it can never take away love nor precious memories.
Best wishes. Christine


Registered User
Sep 29, 2007
Dear Debbie, sorry to hear your sad news but glad that your torment has ended as we all know how difficult this last stage was for you from your poignant messages to TP. So glad that your lovely Dad is now at peace.

As for this sentiment 'Not sure what yet but I want to do something to help.' By sharing your experience of dementia on these boards you can continue to help others.

Take time to grieve in your own way and know that you will always have support from these boards, love Cariad


Registered User
Oct 16, 2007
manchester, uk
Hi Debby

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Please keep posting on TP whenever you feel the need to chat. I don't know what else to put really apart from my thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.

Take care


Registered User
Jan 3, 2008
Hi Debby,

You have my deepest sympathy. I was in exactly the same situation. On Dec 3rd, we got a phone call from the retirements home where my mother was, to ask if they could start palliative care. It has lasted 3 agonizing weeks, that felt like 3 months. Nobody could tell us how long it would take and all we did was wait next to the phone. My mother died on the 24th. The funeral was yesterday.

I take comfort from the knowledge that she is now reunited with my father and that she no longer suffers. I truly believe that the spirit lives on and that one day we will all see our beloveds again.

So remember that your father is still around. Talk to him. He will hear you. He will be there for you whenever you need him.

Take care.


Registered User
Jun 5, 2007
Dear Debbie,

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. It must have been awful waiting for this to happen, and so hard to decide what to do. I do hope the funeral went well today.

I haven't been looking at tp for a few days and didn't see your thread before. It feels odd to find someone else who was going through exactly the same as me. My Mum also died on 17 December, but it came as more of a shock. She was admitted to hospital a week earlier, unable to swallow her medication, and apparently just with a urinary tract infection. Soon they were talking of sepsis, and by the Friday they did a scan. It was only then that they said she'd had a major stroke, but we weren't told it was terminal. I too have young children (2 and 4) and found it difficult to visit (my husband was also away). It was awful to watch her in that state, unable to communicate, not knowing what on earth was going on in her head. But weirdly, after the shock and the pain of seeing her like that, I got a feeling of (temporary) peace. Like we were together, alone, and it was ok. The hospital staff were fantastic...so respectful and sweet. I felt she was in good hands, but it was still just dreadful to get the call at 4.45am on the Monday to say she had died.

We had the funeral that same friday (yes...one heck of a lot to do in a few days) and although I dreaded how I would react, I again felt quite 'at peace'. My Mum was 70 and was not in the 'final stages' of dementia and I was really not expecting her to die so soon. It is still a shock and you will probably find, like me, that the pain comes and goes (young children making demands are a sure way to distract you!). It will probably take us time to take it all in.

Keep in touch. I've found this forum such a help, before and after.

Thinking of you, and hoping that the funeral has brought you something positive.

Take care,

peppa xx


Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Dear Debbie,
Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts. I hope that now it is all over you can begin to look after yourself.
Take care my dear.


Registered User
Jul 24, 2007
Home for Christmas

Hello survivors,

I am back. My mother passed into the grace of our Lord December 28, 2007. She was 74.
December 2007, my mother was in the ICU of a hospital suffering from many complications. It was touch and go then. My father had called all of us, their children to come home, if we still wanted to see her alive because at that time, she also had suffered a heart attack and was on a respirator. My father was hoping we could bring her home for christmas. Home for christmas, we picked on this theme and whispered to her everytime we came to sit by her bed in the ICU. All her grandchildren were at home waiting for her. They were not allowed to see her. If she wanted to see them, we have to get out of the ICU, at least, and be in a private room.
God is ever so good that He gave in to our prayers. At 7pm of December 24th, we brought her home. Sirens wailing, the children ran out of the house to meet the ambulance transporting her. They have made a welcome home poster, and greeted her all sorts of greetings; from happy birthday to merry christmas and sang carols. The doctor and attendants accompanying us home were so touched. Children lined up to kiss and hug her under their watchful eyes. When everything settled down, they left and it was up to us.
Her room resembled that of a hospital. Oxygen tanks,inhalator and suction machine in use. We worked a schedule who would stay up with her, monitoring vital signs, tube feeding, medicines, changing diapers, etc.
That was our christmas gift. We have forgotten about the children's christmas gifts, but they did not seem to mind. Their LOLA (grandmother) is home.
On the eve of the 28th, we have finished eating and the private nurse we have arranged arrived to check on the NGT because the tube somehow moved. He was checking on her when he asked for her blood pressure. It was dropping, and he told us she was expiring; to bring out the car to take her to the ER.
Mother had closed her eyes. We, her children kissed and said our goodbyes right there and the grandchildren lined up to kiss and bid her goodbye, too. We let her go.
A priest, who is a friend of the family told my father when my mother was in the ICU, that having done all that we can for her, we are not bound to keep her alive by extra ordinary means. To let God have his will and to surrender.
God has brought us this far, and He let us come through.
In His goodness, He sent the nurse to us that night, because without him, we would all be in a state of panic. Nurse Alvin was there all the way to assist us and make arrangements. Her doctor, was also on the phone during her last moments, giving directions in his comforting way.

praying for all of you keeping watch.

only girl

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