Confabulation

[Tatra]

How to cope with " lies"
My mother ( who has mixed dementia) still lives " independently" This independent living involves myself, my partner & son doing pretty much everything for her ; shopping, appointments, transport, finance and maintaining the house & garden.
My mother has been " confabulation/filling in the memory gaps" and is the queen of
" hostess/showtime" behaviour, so I guess that anyone who doesn't know her well and doesn't spend much time with her might be unaware what is going on with her ?
So far her " confabulation" has been just harmless nonsense.
But things have escalated and we have been told that at her weekly village pensioners craft club she has been saying some pretty outrageous and hugely inaccurate things about us - basically that none of her family do a single thing for her.
It is incredibly hurtful and couldn't be further from the truth, we do pretty much everything for her !
So far we have kept my mother's diagnosis within the family, but I am wondering if now I should tell those in her small social circle, so that people would know that she has memory issues ?

 

[Banjomansmate]

I expect the craft club members have seen some signs and have an idea of how she has changed.

 

[LewyDementiaCarer]

I would say do it for her (meaning: if you are worried about her safety whilst at the club it may be worth talking with the organizers or close friends that attend and get them to call you if there are any concerns, or perhaps go with her as support), but don't do it for you (to try and prove a point to other people about how much you have to help her). - I know it's hard, but it's important not to step into defense mode... after all her brain is slowly shutting down and what seem like 'lies' and 'confabulation' will actually be her reality, she is not doing it on purpose, it's just how she remembers things. I know that can be uncomfortable when you are the one holding it all together, but we have to sit our perspective aside when dealing with a PWD and understand the reality of this disease and how it effects the brain and therefore memories etc. If you can just prioritize her safety and comfort, everything else will become evident with time, there's no need to defend yourself against imagines.