My wife has Alzheimers and has now reached a stage where she never talks. Does not respond to questions at all. At best a shake of the head or a nod. We have carers and she is the same with them and with relatives. She wiles away her time by just scribbling on anything that comes to hand including the clothes she is wearing. She used to use colouring books, but that seems to have lost its interest for her. As she will hardly ever leave the bedroom, except to raid the fridge, which she then takes things out and leaves the door open. Bought fridge locks so that she can't do that any more. She has developed an obsession with running water, and using two flannels, rubs away at her hands, so many times, I lose count. Doesn't dry her hands properly, so I am up and down keeping an eye on her, as she sometimes wets her sleeves, and I have to keep rolling them up. As she will not leave the house, she has no respite from these daily things. I feel so sorry for her. The trouble is, as she still knows me, I cannot yet think about her going into care. I think it could be bad for her. Apart from the carers who come twice a day, I am on my own, and rapidly losing the will to go on. It has been suggested that we try to get her into respite care for a few days, while I have a break, but then will I just be worrying if she is unhappy?. Lots of help in the form of carers and nurses, but most of the time it's just me. any thoughts would be welcome.
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- Thread starter Mazurka
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Hi Mazurka you really really need a break, that is the priority now. Respite care would give you a chance to think in peace and also to see how she responds to being in care. It might even be good for her having more distractions throughout the day.
But mainly you can’t look after her if you don’t look after yourself, and you could hopefully still be with her a lot in the future if you can find a suitable placement near to home. It really sounds like it’s time now. Sending love and all best wishes ❤️
But mainly you can’t look after her if you don’t look after yourself, and you could hopefully still be with her a lot in the future if you can find a suitable placement near to home. It really sounds like it’s time now. Sending love and all best wishes ❤️
Hello @Mazurka
Your wife seems to be in her own little world and if that is the case would there be any difference for her in residential care?
My husband still knew me when he went into a care home, although he did have some lapses, however, when I visited, he was contented and greeted me with a big smile.
Visiting every alternate day gave me time for myself and eliminated the stress of worrying behaviours which your wife seems to have.
Your wife seems to be in her own little world and if that is the case would there be any difference for her in residential care?
My husband still knew me when he went into a care home, although he did have some lapses, however, when I visited, he was contented and greeted me with a big smile.
Visiting every alternate day gave me time for myself and eliminated the stress of worrying behaviours which your wife seems to have.
mazurka, like you I cannot yet put him in any respite let alone carehome permanently. there is still much of him left. He expresses his fear of 'being put away in a padded cell'. The time will come, but not yet, not yet
Thanks everyone, all makes perfect sense. I am waiting for Social Services to come up with a respite package, and if it is possible, I will go for it. My health is suffering too. I have a sister who lives in Northants who wants me to go to stay with her for a few days. I do so want to go. The other thing is, we still sleep in the same bed, but she fidgets terribly. I have read about it, and I think it is a sexual thing, as she keeps reaching over and tries to touch,. She is doubly incontinent, and I had my prostate removed 14 years ago. No libido even if I wanted to. I have to wait until she gets tired, and then finally get some sleep. A short separation would be beneficial to us both I think, and your comments have made me think more positively.
Hi, sorry to hear what you are going through and I really identify with your situation.
I would urge you to go for respite care. I recently did - a who!e 4 weeks -it was a life!ine.
The respite placement was excellent. I felt the staff went the extra mile partly because it was time limited and I think they could see I was a woman on the edge.
In terms of the bed...a few months before respite I had to get rid of our bed (his incontinence was the main reason) and replaced it with a single bed for him moving a sofa bed into the room which I open up and sleep on. It's not great but it's better.
Good luck.
I would urge you to go for respite care. I recently did - a who!e 4 weeks -it was a life!ine.
The respite placement was excellent. I felt the staff went the extra mile partly because it was time limited and I think they could see I was a woman on the edge.
In terms of the bed...a few months before respite I had to get rid of our bed (his incontinence was the main reason) and replaced it with a single bed for him moving a sofa bed into the room which I open up and sleep on. It's not great but it's better.
Good luck.
