Hello,
@Susan11. I am sorry to hear of your father's recent death and that you now have to clear the house. I imagine you have had a lot going on recently.
I have had to do house clearances also, and they are always a lot of work and never a pleasant task. I cleared an aunt's home on a tight schedule before a cross-country move due to sudden illness; I cleared my fathers house (which had been my childhood home) after he died; and my OH and I cleared my mother's home when she went into the care home (after a crisis, hospitalization and unexpected dementia diagnosis). My mother's home turned out to contain a great deal of items from my grandparents' home so it was like clearing a second childhood home (I spent a lot of time there) as well as reliving a lot of my childhood and mother's life. It is hard to clear a house when someone has died, but not unexpected. It is odd and unsettling to clear the home of someone who is alive and still seems to be "themself" but who is unaware and cannot assist or take part.
I never told my mother I was clearing the house or selling it or after it was sold. My mother, then in a care home, was well past the stage of being able to understand and it would only have distressed her. As she was prone to anxiety and upset I deemed it more important to keep her calm and not introduce possible distress. Not only did she have poor short term memory at that point, but her executive functioning and reasoning skills were severely impaired. I have also never used the words "Alzheimer's" or "dementia" with my mother or discussed the fact that she has dementia. As she has anosognosia and no insight and was, earlier on, easily distressed, there was no point in anything that might upset her.
My mother never, ever asked about any of her things. It was very disorienting and disconcerting to see her so detached from her beloved possessions. She had always been very particular about a lot of the items in her house (too involved, perhaps, in the veneration of objects) but they no longer registered with her. This was one of the odder aspects of dementia for which I was unprepared.
I took some of her precious items to the care home and they were met with no recognition. This freed me to be able to dispose of some of it, but like others here, I have boxes and boxes and boxes of her things in my house. I would urge you to get rid of as much as you can now, so your basement doesn't end up looking like mine! But if you really cannot, then go ahead and store it. You will know when the time is right.
My mother's house was filthy as well as crammed with stuff and it took a long time, working weekends (we lived 100 miles away) to clear it. What helped: company, regular breaks for tea and meals and fresh air, music, and sorting things out straightaway rather than arranging and rearranging piles. So we had bags or boxes for rubbish, recycling, items to sell (she had hundreds of books), items to donate to be picked up, items to donate to take to the charity shop, and so on. I also set up boxes for important papers (one for legal and financial, one for family history, and so on) and for photographs. It was filthy and emotionally and physically grueling and I don't envy anyone this job.
I honestly would not discuss this with your mother, or ever even mention it. If she should ask about her home or her things or bring it up in conversation, I would just reassure her that everything is fine, that you will take care of things (and you will-that is not a lie) and take care of her, and then distract and move on.
It is exhausting and emotionally draining and I don't see any reason to make it harder, by talking to your mother about it.
Best wishes and I'm so sorry.