Christmas

[canary]

Oh God, I have just realised that this might be my last Christmas with my Dad, I cannot spend it without him and Mum, regardless of what happens.

But it also might not be his last Christmas - he may go on for years! Dont let guilt dictate things. Talk to your mum and arrange some compromise.

 

[AliceA]

Cherish is one of my favourite words. x

 

[Sad Staffs]

Cherish is one of my favourite words. x

Yes, mine to....
Hope you are ok?
Love B x

 

[Cats Allowed]

My dilema is bit diiferent. Mum is at home but largely immobile. Should I bring her to us for christmas, a 3hour journey and its a challenge to get her to the pub round the corner. Or should we go there on christmas day. Reading all the posts about how good care homes are at Christmas, I am wondering what about respite over Christmas and I visit her there. This will be the first Christmas for 10yrs she hasnt been on holiday with her friend she has plummeted like a stone mentally and physically this year, perhaps respite would replace her regular holiday. Does anyone have experience of this?

 

[AliceA]

Yes, mine to....
Hope you are ok?
Love B x

Last week was busy, next week is too so tried to get ahead today with some food prep, washing etc.
It is lovely out but no energy left to enjoy it!
You take care, Love Alice

 

[Sad Staffs]

Last week was busy, next week is too so tried to get ahead today with some food prep, washing etc.
It is lovely out but no energy left to enjoy it!
You take care, Love Alice

Hi Alice
I’m pleased to hear you are ok, albeit tired from a busy schedule.
I get tired not doing anything!
I’m suffering because he is fighting me, mentally, about having to go in the care home.
He’s distressed that he won’t be taking care of me.
I need to get everything ready for his stay and my operation, but every time I try to talk to him it’s a negative response.
Just going round in circles.
Yes, lovely blue sky. I should get the leaves up, but don’t have the strength!
Take care.... hope you manage with another busy week.
Look after yourself, with love B xx

 

[AliceA]

You look after yourself too. Mine often thinks he can do things he once could. It is sad.
We can only soft peddle.

Love A

 

[Susan11]

The home my husband was in asked if I would like to come for Christmas lunch and there was no charge, it was lovely to eat with my husband and after that I often had breakfast or lunch with him, unfortunately not by choice, it was taken out of my hands as he was moved the invisibles complained about the half drive, seems it was too far for them, the home he is in now has protected meal times and although the social worker said she would speak to them about what I had done in the previous home it hasn’t happened, in fact the other day I was trying to persuade him to have some breakfast and he said yes WE WILL have breakfast and the Carer said you’re wife has already had breakfast. I thought this was unnecessary after all what does one slice of toast and a cuppa cost and he would have happily eaten his breakfast. In the event we ended up going out for breakfast as fortunately he is still physically fit, but I am still angry about.

Sorry I'm new to this but who are the invisibles

 

[Cat27]

My dilema is bit diiferent. Mum is at home but largely immobile. Should I bring her to us for christmas, a 3hour journey and its a challenge to get her to the pub round the corner. Or should we go there on christmas day. Reading all the posts about how good care homes are at Christmas, I am wondering what about respite over Christmas and I visit her there. This will be the first Christmas for 10yrs she hasnt been on holiday with her friend she has plummeted like a stone mentally and physically this year, perhaps respite would replace her regular holiday. Does anyone have experience of this?

Welcome to TP @Cats Allowed
Personally I’d go there. I wouldn’t attempt a long journey & risk the upset.

 

[Cat27]

Sorry I'm new to this but who are the invisibles

Welcome to TP @Susan11
Invisibles means family who vanish when the going gets tough.

 

[Susan11]

Welcome to TP @Susan11
Invisibles means family who vanish when the going gets tough.

Thank you. I'm an only child so no invisibles

 

[Izzy]

Hi @Cats Allowed and welcome from me too. I agree with Carol. I think the journey would be problematic and stressful for you all. Respite sounds like s good idea if it could e organised. Especially if your mum is used to being on holiday at that time of year..

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Cats Allowed
a warm welcome from me too
that's a long journey, at a time of year when weather and traffic may be bad making the time in the car even longer which may be just too much for your mum
if she is used to a holiday respite instead may be the way to go, though arranging a respite stay over Christmas may be difficult so best to contact local care homes now
might it be possible to stay near her over the holiday, maybe a holiday let, so you can visit her but mostly keep to her routines, as losing those may be very confusing for her

 

[Cat27]

Thank you. I'm an only child so no invisibles

You’ll get lots of support here if you keep posting.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Susan11
a warm welcome to TP
if you are thinking of having Christmas dinner in the care home of the person you care for, I also recommend it - I have done this with my dad and it's so much more comfortable for him - the staff are lovely and they make the atmosphere so homely and festive - last year dad was a bit agitated so they laid a table for the 2 of us in his room and even brought us some Buck's Fizz

 

[Susan11]

hello @Susan11
a warm welcome to TP
if you are thinking of having Christmas dinner in the care home of the person you care for, I also recommend it - I have done this with my dad and it's so much more comfortable for him - the staff are lovely and they make the atmosphere so homely and festive - last year dad was a bit agitated so they laid a table for the 2 of us in his room and even brought us some Buck's Fizz

Unfortunately i live a three and a half to four hours drive away from my Mum's CH.

 

[Shedrech]

sorry @Susan11 I didn't mean to suggest something that's just not possible for you
I couldn't spend the first Christmas with dad and wondered what the day had been like for him, so have been so reassured that Christmas in a care home is made special for each resident

 

[Susan11]

Mum isn’t in a nursing home but lives alone. She came to mine last year with intentions of staying. Yet she refused to join us at the table for lunch and refused to come into the living room to watch my grandchildren open their presents. Despite it being very warm she complained she was freezing I ended up taking her home early evening. Mums dementia much worse now and each day becomes several so I have no trouble taking her back home as she is more comfortable in her own surroundings. I rarely see my children and grandchildren so getting them all together at Xmas very special. As I see my Mum most days and have other siblings who only visit on allocated times and days (they have happily handed over responsibility of Mums care to me) I have no guilt Mum has over 30 children grandchildren and great grandchildren mostly living in the same city who never visit.

That is so sad. With so many relatives your Mum should have plenty of visitors

 

[Susan11]

sorry @Susan11 I didn't mean to suggest something that's just not possible for you
I couldn't spend the first Christmas with dad and wondered what the day had been like for him, so have been so reassured that Christmas in a care home is made special for each resident

Don't worry it is a good suggestion . My husband, my daughter and myself are going to take Mum out for lunch Christmas eve. I like to think that way she will have 2 Christmas Days, one with us and one at the CH.

 

[Baker17]

Sorry I'm new to this but who are the invisibles

People who haven’t or have not wanted to be involved in caring for the PWD and then when you make what you believe is the best for them interfere and try to reverse your decision by going to social services in my case which has led to the move