Christmas Day Struggles

[dominique96]

Hi All,

My Dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's at the beginning of this year.

My parents split up about 20 years ago and went through a pretty rough time, my Dad since got over all of this and begun to build that friendship back with my Mum however recently he has started to bring up a hatred for her again and is refusing to see me or my sister on Christmas Day.

I'm not sure how to deal with this or how to overcome it, can anyone help or have they had anything similar?

 

[leny connery]

long buried emotions bubble up unfiltered with this disease don't they? It is hard to understand why he is refusing to see you and your sister on Christmas day, who knows. maybe you are reminding him of your mum? maybe he cannot deal with the emotions at christmas? do not take it personally. I was told over and over again, just love him and go along with his reality and emotions. Just 5 minutes ago, I had to do this with mine. his anger and upset, I just must take it and wait out for this to pass. still unhappy, but I hope it will pass. it is hard, but what else can we do but try to ride the storm? hugs and love and have as a=good christmas as you can manage.

 

[canary]

I wonder whether he has "time shifted" back to the time of the divorce?

If you dont mention it, maybe he will forget and be happy to see you again on Christmas day

 

[dominique96]

long buried emotions bubble up unfiltered with this disease don't they? It is hard to understand why he is refusing to see you and your sister on Christmas day, who knows. maybe you are reminding him of your mum? maybe he cannot deal with the emotions at christmas? do not take it personally. I was told over and over again, just love him and go along with his reality and emotions. Just 5 minutes ago, I had to do this with mine. his anger and upset, I just must take it and wait out for this to pass. still unhappy, but I hope it will pass. it is hard, but what else can we do but try to ride the storm? hugs and love and have as a=good christmas as you can manage.

I keep getting told not to take it personally but it's really hard not to I suppose.
I guess, it is a "ride it out" kind of thing you have to do.

I hope you have a lovely christmas too.

 

[dominique96]

I wonder whether he has "time shifted" back to the time of the divorce?

If you dont mention it, maybe he will forget and be happy to see you again on Christmas day

That's what my guess would be too.

I've not mentioned it in the hopes he would but he's set in his mind that he's not seeing us and is getting very angry about the past.

 

[wurrienot]

My parents divorced 45 years ago but dad sometimes brings up grievance lately. I wonder if he confuses me with my mother as he seems to be ranting at me about things from the distant past. He'll also say things like " there you go again.." and I have no idea what he's talking about.

 

[Sporadic gardener]

My advice when dealing with this sort of thing is to try distraction. Literally ask about something outside or if he wants a cup of tea - smething like that. Bring him back to the present and unemotional thing. Then try to get onto a more pleasant topic. Don't get drawn in to the memory. If that doesn't work go out of the room and come back trying another distraction. Anything to leave things on a happier note even if you are upset. He will remember how he feels not what you talked about. I'd ignore the wish not to see you if he forgets things quickly. There is similar risk he might feel hurt not to see you. My pwd gets very stressed about visits and moans to all her friends beforehand but then enjoys them and tells all her friends when I arrive. I find offering to bring lunch works well. Good luck. I know it's v hard.