This might seem quite insignificant but I often find that it is some of the smallest things which can upset me the most.
Last year my mum really struggled to write Christmas cards to people and she spent many days going through her address books and writing them. I suspect some people may have received 2 cards and others received none. I said I would help but that didn’t go down well. I figured I would gather up all the cards at the end of the holiday and make sure I could update her address book. Unfortunately she forgot that I had told her to keep the cards to one side and she threw them all away before I could retrieve them. This made me feel sad since during a brief glance through them previously, I saw that old friends and acquaintances had shared news that a husband had died or grandchildren born or someone had moved house etc.
This year, I preempted the situation and went over to help write out cards. Mum is much worse compared to last year and was happy to accept help. We struggled to write cards because I don’t know who all the people are in the address book and mum can’t remember. We made some educated guesses. I wrote the cards and mum struggled to even write her name. In a way, it felt so stupid and sad to be trying to write out cards to people that neither of us seem to know!
I gathered up the received cards today and have just sat going through them. I’m comparing it to the list of people we sent cards to. There’s been some nice letters and a few sad ones and I have a small handful of cards I have no idea who the person is. One in particular is from a niece of my mum and I have no idea how to get in touch with her. I don’t even know her surname.
I find it difficult to explain how upset this makes me but I guess I feel responsible, like somehow I need to be informing these people of the situation and trying to maintain contacts and connections with these people even as my mum is completely forgetting who they are.
I’m wondering whether to just write a brief letter to everyone explaining mum’s dementia and thanking them for their cards. Right now, it all feels so pointless. Mum was busy getting up at 5am today, wondering why no one was out walking their dog when she was and then phoning me to ask what time the dinner party would be (which apparently she was organising!?). She doesn’t remember anything about Christmas or who she was with.
Last year my mum really struggled to write Christmas cards to people and she spent many days going through her address books and writing them. I suspect some people may have received 2 cards and others received none. I said I would help but that didn’t go down well. I figured I would gather up all the cards at the end of the holiday and make sure I could update her address book. Unfortunately she forgot that I had told her to keep the cards to one side and she threw them all away before I could retrieve them. This made me feel sad since during a brief glance through them previously, I saw that old friends and acquaintances had shared news that a husband had died or grandchildren born or someone had moved house etc.
This year, I preempted the situation and went over to help write out cards. Mum is much worse compared to last year and was happy to accept help. We struggled to write cards because I don’t know who all the people are in the address book and mum can’t remember. We made some educated guesses. I wrote the cards and mum struggled to even write her name. In a way, it felt so stupid and sad to be trying to write out cards to people that neither of us seem to know!
I gathered up the received cards today and have just sat going through them. I’m comparing it to the list of people we sent cards to. There’s been some nice letters and a few sad ones and I have a small handful of cards I have no idea who the person is. One in particular is from a niece of my mum and I have no idea how to get in touch with her. I don’t even know her surname.
I find it difficult to explain how upset this makes me but I guess I feel responsible, like somehow I need to be informing these people of the situation and trying to maintain contacts and connections with these people even as my mum is completely forgetting who they are.
I’m wondering whether to just write a brief letter to everyone explaining mum’s dementia and thanking them for their cards. Right now, it all feels so pointless. Mum was busy getting up at 5am today, wondering why no one was out walking their dog when she was and then phoning me to ask what time the dinner party would be (which apparently she was organising!?). She doesn’t remember anything about Christmas or who she was with.