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Challenging behaviour during respite - don't know what to do!


Registered User
Dec 30, 2013
My dad is currently in a local care home to give my mum a break for two weeks. He is only 71 and otherwise fit and active meaning he is still strong. My mum does have problems at home with personal care, but manages to keep him spotless, even though he is very resistant and exhibits verbal and sometimes physical aggression and it can take her up to 2 plus hours so it is really hard work. Well my god the care home staff are not coping well with this, they have tried sedation to try to change soiled clothes and in one week he has not been shaved and been showered twice. Today we visited, he stunk, left in soiled pad, wet trousers looked like he has aged 10 years in a week so obviously very unhappy there. The staff say they have tried everything but he will not accept any help, lashes out and gets very aggressive. My mum and myself had to do it today, we couldn't leave him in the mess it took all afternoon trying to get his clothes off. He is going to be subject to DOLs now. He will present a challenge to anyone trying to clean him, totally resistant, punching, refusing. He was in such a bad way, mum wanted to bring him home there and then, but she so needs a break, the stress makes her physically ill. What can we do? We are at the point we think he may need a more permanent solution, but what alternatives are there? Feeling very worried and devastated right now. Anyone had similar? Carrying on caring at home, look for a better care home. He has deteriorated so much in a week it's unbelievable. Help!!


Registered User
May 21, 2014
They tried sedation??? Did you agree to this? I think your last paragraph says it all: "look for a better care home". I know resistance to personal care is challenging to staff, but they ought to have strategies. And if they can't manage, how on earth is your poor mother supposed to? You know, if his behaviour is that challenging, you might want to look into applying for continuing health care. If he's not self-funding, get Social Services involved. They ought to try and find a care home that can meet his needs, however challenging they are.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
I agree with Beate - you need a better care home. Who chose it? Ill bet the fact that your mum keeps him spotless meant that whoever assessed him for this CH didnt realise how challenging he is.
There will be somewhere for him, contact SS again


Registered User
Dec 30, 2013
They used lorazepam as they said he was becoming distressed with the situation. Social services are involved but they only seem to sort out funding rather than provide anything else. I'm seeing the social worker on Tuesday for the DOLs assessment I will try to get some answers. This is a nite are isn't it.

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