caring for 96 year old father, new on here

[Chris_Lysander]

I am in London caring for my parents, my sister and I take turns and my turn ends on the 30th and I go home for 2 months, then back June 1.

My father is utterly helpless, he can only answer simple questions and is in a sort of sleep/coma like state. He had a bad fall in November which became vascular dementia over the holidays from un-diagnosed bleeding of the brain. He went from a pleasant, mid dementia to helpless, but still very pleasant as that is his character.

To be honest it does not seem to bother me much, 96 years old with a hugely adventitious life, and I feel if it is his time to fade away it is his time to fade, as it is everyone's when the time comes. My mother is terribly on edge (91) and keeps doing stuff about the house, cooking and feeding him, cleaning non stop...

My sister feels very much for him and also spends all her time around him. I sit here at the table where he is in view but do not seem to connect with him that much - I put him in his chair, bed, commode using a turner (he is mostly continent), get up 2 times in the night to check on him, but am so personally un-happy being here in Suburban London with nothing to do outside, and knowing no one, that I seem to not have the best attitude. It is tedious, but I realise how fourtinate I am, and how horrible this all must be for most with this on them.

The big problem we have is carers right now - we have a company that sends 2, three times a day, origionally the hospital ordered 4 visits and they were unhappy with reducing to 3 - now I requested 2 visits (we self pay) they first refused on liability grounds so I got authorization from the social services to only have 2 visits - so when I told the company to only come twice a day and that was authorized by the social services (£500 a week at 3!) they fired us and sent a letter saying they will not care for my father after April 3.

Any advice on finding a care company, or is individuals the way? What to do? The middle visits were pointless, we had fed him, moved him, toileted him, they looked around, moved him (which we do fine) and left - pointless and expensive. But they will not do just morning and night. I am here full time, or my sister, and my mother, so no day visit has any point but to throw money away.

 

[Chris_Lysander]

How do you find a paid company or individuals for daily care?

We self pay and it is expencive, the company we use has given us notice to terminate when we tried to reduce the visits from 3 to 2 daily. We care for him so they did virtually nothing during the mid day call. They are good for the morning and bedtime, we like them, but today we got a letter saying they will no longer work with us.

How do I find a new company? Is it good to hire directly from the sort of uber-like places? or just look for people, or use google and just pick a care service and contract with them? Is there a talk forum where companies are discussed - or people recommend?

I will be leaving April 4 and my sister replace me and would need to get some new ones by then. Thankyou - this is a hard thing when you do not know the ways.

 

[cragmaid]

Hi Chris, I had just typed out a reply to your other post and lost the whole lot!!!!

As this is to replace the previous care plan which, I believe was organised/sanctioned by the Social Services on a self funding basis, I suggest that you ring the SS and let them know the situation and ask for their advice. You can also simply get the yellow pages out or google Care Agencies, and work through them, interviewing them and finding out costs and vacancies.
In the mean time you can also check that Dad is receiving high rate Attendance allowance and that Mum has contacted the LA as they should be eligible for a Council Tax Discount. This might help to pay for a sitter a couple of times a week to give you or your sister a break.

Good Luck.

 

[Shedrech]

hi Chris_Lysander
this is a link to the CQC site - they oversee all care provision, so providers will be mentioned on this site
http://www.cqc.org.uk/search/services/services-in-your-home?location=London%2C%20United%20Kingdom&latitude=51.5073509&longitude=-0.12775829999998223&sort=default&distance=15&mode=html&f[0]=im_field_more_services%3A3661
as cragmaid says, the Local Authority Adult Services should have a document listing the service providers available in their area
companies will probably charge around the same fees, so you may not get anything cheaper
is it worth keeping the 3 visits, making sure that you step back and let the carers provide what ever support is in the care plan for that midday visit, just to keep the existing company, especially if their timings have suited you - taking on a new provider will probably mean fitting in with whatever time slots they have available, and there will be new staff to get used to, which may be disturbing for your dad

 

[Chris_Lysander]

Craig and Shed, thankyou for your kind reply.

My father is not bothered by who comes really - my mother sits with him most of the day and talks to him, although he cannot reply except in short answers, she is sure he feels great comfort from talk of what is going on and of the past. He likes his food though, and I believe he is content with his condition and life.

This would be so easy where I live - sitters (people who just watch and do a little light cleaning) get $8 an hour cash, and a skilled carer get $14 an hour cash, or as pay if you hire them formally (which means getting insurance). But I live where a fair number of low skilled people are available as they can use anything. Also just asking around would get someone.

Here in London it is very different. But the scene may be resolving its self - my mother has become panicked and is asking the company to continue with us as I am leaving and my sister is replacing me here - and my sister is very easy to tolerate anything, even paying for care which is not needed if it means not having to make changes. I have been self employed most of my life so am not so easy to take paying for things not needed....