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Can't handle care agencies and moving - fed up rant alert

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,554
Bristol
Sorry, I'm going to vent.

My lovely OH has dementia, so we are moving into extra support housing. Supposedly they have carers available on the promises and a call button on hand. We can also have welfare visits if I am out in the afternoon. Very good in theory and probably so when we settle in.

The manager has railroaded the care package, leaving the current care providers with no notice period. They can't provide care at the new house as the lease specifies the housing agency also do the care. We could have had the care package from the old agency for the first week as they are under contract, but they cant fit it into the round in that part of the city. I spent all day yesterday chasing social services, CQC and the two firms only to be told we should have the care package from the new agency from the day we move in. They had threatened to charge us for the overlap. Nobody returned my call from the new lace when I spoke to social services.
Trying to set up phone and broadband has been hard, orders were changed, lost in the middle, GP surgery changed what ID it wanted depending on who I spoke to.

Sorry that is confusing, it has confused me. In W Rose after shopping it all got on top of me and I spent an hour with first aiders and paramedic fussing around giving me water. It got a little embarrassing, but they were angels. The first good news in about three days.

If it was not for my lovely C, I came close to pulling out and even suicide earlier. I can't handle it any more. Can we just move in and find someone reliable.

Thank you for reading, you all have so much on your plates already.
 

nannylondon

Registered User
Apr 7, 2014
2,475
London
Sorry, I'm going to vent.

My lovely OH has dementia, so we are moving into extra support housing. Supposedly they have carers available on the promises and a call button on hand. We can also have welfare visits if I am out in the afternoon. Very good in theory and probably so when we settle in.

The manager has railroaded the care package, leaving the current care providers with no notice period. They can't provide care at the new house as the lease specifies the housing agency also do the care. We could have had the care package from the old agency for the first week as they are under contract, but they cant fit it into the round in that part of the city. I spent all day yesterday chasing social services, CQC and the two firms only to be told we should have the care package from the new agency from the day we move in. They had threatened to charge us for the overlap. Nobody returned my call from the new lace when I spoke to social services.
Trying to set up phone and broadband has been hard, orders were changed, lost in the middle, GP surgery changed what ID it wanted depending on who I spoke to.

Sorry that is confusing, it has confused me. In W Rose after shopping it all got on top of me and I spent an hour with first aiders and paramedic fussing around giving me water. It got a little embarrassing, but they were angels. The first good news in about three days.

If it was not for my lovely C, I came close to pulling out and even suicide earlier. I can't handle it any more. Can we just move in and find someone reliable.

Thank you for reading, you all have so much on your plates already.
Oh Rob, so sorry to hear you are having such an awful time, you rant as much as you want bureaucracy could drive anyone mad, nothing is every easy no one seems to have any common sense haven't got any advice for you Rob but I am thinking of you both. Don't let them get you down
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,554
Bristol
Oh Rob, so sorry to hear you are having such an awful time, you rant as much as you want bureaucracy could drive anyone mad, nothing is every easy no one seems to have any common sense haven't got any advice for you Rob but I am thinking of you both. Don't let them get you down
Thanks Sandi.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,043
68
Dundee
I'm so sorry to read of your troubles. I'm glad you shared them here and I hope that helped a bit. As Cat said it might be an idea to have a chat with Samaritans. Take care.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,554
Bristol
Thanks Cat and Izzy. Never actually had a chance to call anybody as C is keeping me occupied, but may be necessary when I get a chance.

I'm impressed you got your move organised so well Izzy, if you don't mind me saying so. Hope you are well.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,043
68
Dundee
Aw thanks Rob. Yes I'm well. It was a bit easier for me given the level of care Bill had. Your situation is different and it can't be easy. Thinking of you both.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,554
Bristol
I'm so sorry Rob,what a stressful time you're having. Moving home is bad enough,but being a carer at the same time is so much to handle.
Probably a stupid suggestion,but is there any family that could help out?

I'm not surprised you had a meltdown in the supermarket,anyone would,poor you.

Perhaps you should keep letting it all out here when you're overwhelmed,sometimes just a few kind words can help you a little.

Thinking of you both,and hoping you feel a little calmer.xx

Thanks Kassy. C's son has helped a little, her daughter tends to get even more stressed if she thinks I can't look after her mum. My family are part of the famous invisibles. I finally got a minute and took Cat's advise to call the crisis line which helped point me to mindfulness techniques.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,043
68
Dundee
Well done Rob. That's a positive step. Keep in touch here too if you can.
 
Last edited:

maryw

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
3,805
Surrey
Oh Rob, I am so sad to read this. You need to be supported through the stress and some of the burden taken from you. Would AS or AgeUK support you? You do need to talk about all this responsibility and also hopefully find time for a breather. Do look after yourself xxx
 

Dazmum

Registered User
Jul 10, 2011
10,314
Horsham, West Sussex
Oh Rob, I, so sorry that this is so incredibly stressful for you, when it really shouldn't be. I hope things are sorted out as soon as possible, hugs xxx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,554
Bristol
Oh Rob, I am so sad to read this. You need to be supported through the stress and some of the burden taken from you. Would AS or AgeUK support you? You do need to talk about all this responsibility and also hopefully find time for a breather. Do look after yourself xxx

Thanks Mary. There should be welfare visits where someone drops in for 5 minutes in the afternoon when we move in. That would allow me to relax a bit when I go off on rambles in the countryside. There's also counselling sessions lined up in the new year to talk about depression which has been around off and on for years, but has got worse as C has got worse.

It's the immediate uncertainties, but you know all about that.

Thanks too to Dazmum.
 

reedysue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,753
Scotland
Rob, sorry that you are having so many problems and are so stressed, hoping things improve and that you are feeling better xxx.
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
Rob, so sorry to read about the difficulties you are having. I remember having some issues when we moved, nearly two years ago now. The agency I had been using couldn't cross county borders although we were only moving about nine miles, the new one couldn't help until we had moved in and then we had to go through all the assessments before they could send anyone. Similarly with day care, couldn't keep using the one Bernard had been going to even for a couple of week's transition. But I had family help and that made a huge difference. I really feel for you having to cope with all this on your own. Is there any possibility that C could go into respite just for a few days while you move and get everything sorted and give you a bit of time to yourself? It's what I did with Bernard and I don't think I could have managed otherwise.


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esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,073
Devon
Sorry to hear that things have been so difficult Rob. Moving is a nightmare at the best of times, and you have the added frustration of the difficulties with the care agency and worries about the impact on C. Altogether too much and it's not surprising it overwhelmed you a bit. Glad you were able to come on here and share how awful it all is. Hope that gradually things fall into place.

Had some (relatively minor) problems going on here this week which has flattened me a bit. I think that anything extra on top of your caring role makes you understand how close to the edge we often are. Big hugs and love to you and C.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
Oh Rob, so sorry to read your post but fully understand how difficult this must be on top of packing . Can't really suggest anything but sending warmest hugs xxxx


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nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,554
Bristol
Thanks everyone.

Sorry you had problems two years ago too, Jinx. I have emailed the new agency as a priority and if they confirm tomorrow the care package is on then I can relax, if not I will talk to Social Services again. Respite may be an option, hope it wouldn't add to Christel's disorientation and that it would start immediately. Her son is planning on coming through at some stage tomorrow to take her out for lunch, so if he is on time that gives us both a few hours respite.
 

Sammyjo1

Registered User
Jul 8, 2014
194
Hi Rob.

Just wanted to say that I really empathise with what you are going through as we are moving into a smaller place in a week's time. My OH is still pretty independent but is unable to help with any aspect of the move and I am feeling totally overwhelmed.

All that's keeping me going is the thought of how much better and easier things will be for us once we have moved and settled down.

I hope you manage to get the care and support you need during the next few days - it is such a worrying time isn't it?

Good luck with everything and stay strong!
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
Hi Rob

Hopefully once you are in, the care package will kick in and all will be well. It sounds like the care manager didn't explain it properly, as she would have known that the on site team would take over on day 1. She probably assumed you knew how it worked as it should have been explained when you were offered the flat, not when you were sorting out the care routine with her.

Is she on site tomorrow - she would be a good point of contact if she is - as she should rota the carers etc. My mum's is lovely and was very helpful when she moved in and when she returned after hospital a couple of years ago.

JM