Cancer or Alzheimers

[remember me]

I don't think I am talking suicide - it is more about acknowledging and preparing, if such a thing is possible. Mum was tormented by denial. I know that she was aware of what was happening but became angry if anyone wanted to talk about it, so we didn't.

I want to sort everything out beforehand, whilst I can. I don't want anyone to have to go through the difficulty of making decisions for, and about me.

Many of you have urged me to speak to my GP. I don't want to. Am I already going the same route as Mum, denial.

Perhaps I should stop spending so much time contemplating my navel, and clear the loft instead

 

[jenniferpa]

While clearing the loft might be a good idea (you could come and do mine if you like ) not getting yourself checked out by your GP seems counterproductive: what if it's something like your thyroid? Can produce symptoms of dementia and is easily fixed. And there are other things as well.

 

[gigi]

Remember Me...

Perhaps I should stop spending so much time contemplating my navel, and clear the loft instead

Now that is an excellent idea..!!!

I did the same thing with the garage in November last year..it works wonders..go for it...

Let us know about all those hidden treasures....

Love Gigi x

 

[Skye]

But I`m afraid we have to draw the line at discussing suicide on this public Forum. Simply because in this country, as far as I know, it is illegal to discuss it openly. It could be seen as assisting.

Sylvia, I'm afraid I take issue with this.

It is certainly not illegal to discuss suicide in this country, in fact one of the most importany aspects of Samaritans training is 'Don't be afraid to ask the question.'

If someone is hinting at suicide then allowing them to talk about it is the best way to allow them to talk themselves out of it. Ignoring it just reinforces the idea that no-one cares.

There are many websites that encourage this, including

http://www.samaritans.org/

I have always 'asked the question' where there has been the suggestion, but I would appreciate moderator quidelines if this is not acceptable.

 

[Grannie G]

Sorry Hazel, there has been a misunderstanding.

It is not illegal to discuss suicide in this country, but it is illegal to assist in suicide.

TP is a public Forum and does not have the expertise of the Samaritans.

Therefore it is inappropriate to discuss suicide on this open forum, for as I said, it could be seen as assisting.

 

[Skye]

In last night's posts you sounded as if you might be feeling suicidal. If that's the case, you have to tell your GP that too. He will be able to help you.

And if you feel that bad again, please ring your local branch of Samaritans. No-one will tell you what to do, they'll simply listen, and let you talk out all your feelings.

Remember me, there is always hope. You just have to reach out and grasp it.

Therefore it is inappropriate to discuss suicide on this open forum, for as I said, it could be seen as assisting.

Sylvia, I don't see how what I said could possibly be construed as assisting. I simply picked up on the poster's hints, and referred her to the correct sources of help.

 

[Grannie G]

Hazel, my comment in your quote was not directed towards you, it was directed towards the original poster.

You said absolutely the right thing with your referral to the Samaritans.

 

[Skye]

Thank you Sylvia. I do think it's important that cries for help are not ignored, but are pointed in the right direction.

 

[hendy]

remember me
please think again about seeing the gp, from your subsequent posting it seems that your anxieties are totally justified given your circumstances. Trying to make sense of this cruel disease and its effects on everyone is a waste of our energy - if you dont mind me saying. There is no rhyme or reason to it. The circumstances you find mum in are distressing - we always want better.
It reminded me of a recent visit to Dad in hospital. Circumstances were such that I felt I could not visit my dad on his admission for a full three days. This was because I was going through an Ofsted inspection at work.(I am teaching a class of anti-social hooligans) I didn't want to risk becoming distressed at this time. When I went to see dad, he was in somebody else's glasses, somebody else's pyjamas and somebody else's slippers which were covered in conjealed food. I can't describe the feelings of guilt and despair. My poor dad...

We are all victims of this disease, we try to do what we can. Balancing the demands of a young family and full time career make everybody victims. Get your health checked out, you could be worrying needlessly and some professional reassurance could be just what you need.
kind regards Hendy

 

[Mameeskye]

Remember me

What a hard time you are having at the moment. I can understand why you feel the way you do. My Dad also died from cancer and my Mum is the end stages of VAD having developed it noticeably after Dad died. Like you I have wished that my Dad was there to help (early stages) to being so pleased that he had gone first and is missing out seeing the decline of my Mother, who to me died years ago.

I understand the guilt of wishing your Mum to pass peacefully and quickly. I often feel the same..but she carries on. Each visit to the Nursing home feels like another step now in a marathon uphill trudge as I wait for a grand downhill ride. I feel guilty at times for wishing her gone.

I too forget things, when life is stressful and tough. I have panics if I get a High BP reading knowing that this is what has caused Mum's damage over the years. I can tell my DH things or forget to tell him and believe that I have..it causes arguments. I forget why I go upstairs and I burn so many pots on the stove by boiling them dry.

Many things happen when our minds area stressed purely as our thoughts are elsewhere as we are doing things. I would also urge you to go to your GP. If it can be fixed it will make you feel so much better.

And for which way to go..I have watched my parents go in both directions taking years. Mum is lucky though, she has no insight into her condition anbd is happy with each pleasant moment.

(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Hope you feel better soon

MAmeeskye

 

[Margarita]

I do like your Name " remember me "

I had a Carer called Remember .

does seem that suicide is a taboo word . I've been down that road to scared to live to scared to die , even Bruce the moderator admitted to it in a New letter magazine of the Alzheimer' s Society , that he felt suicidal

Not that you have even mention that you would . only the reader presumed that .

when it hits you its only a moment it does pass and things do get better , I had psychological therapy in 02 after my father pass away , that gave me specific cognitive behavioral self- help treatment without medication of ant depression . people are all different so may need to take medication .

They no shame in asking for help, or saying its happen to you as it only make you stronger in the long term future in getting out side help, its all just a cry for help as long as you recognize that your be fine

Hear some good web site www.livinglifetothefull.com its free online life skills course using cognitive behavioral approach There are 10 modules to help people develop skills and tackle problems.

PS

Must add that it does say on that course

Suicidal ideas

* It is common for suicidal ideas to occur if you feel low
* Please discuss with your doctor or health care practitioner
* If you have active thoughts of self-harm at any stage please contact a doctor / go to A&Eas a priority

 

[cariad]

hello remember me,
I lost my dad 6 months ago and am caring for my mother who is as of yet officially undiagnosed but thought to have frontal dementia. I am grieving for my lovely father and also for my mother as this illness takes hold. I just want you to know that I frequently lose track of my sentences and my thoughts. I too have totally forgotten entire conversations that I've had with people. Just last week I drove my son to the cemetery instead of to his swimming lesson! I too have questioned whether something is happening to me but I know that I am under a great strain.
Go to your GP and express your concerns. Thinking of you, cariad.

 

[remember me]

You make me cry

I was frightened by the thought that I might be suicidal, I hadn't thought that far, and then I started re-reading my posts and the interpretation others were seeing, and start wondering if I am. The fact that I was told I was breaking the law didn't help - or perhaps it did. I have spent a week debating the subject with myself (instead of clearing my loft) and can honestly say I am not suicidal, but if I was, I would not have been helped by the some of the comments. So sorry, because I know that all comments are well intentioned. Having said that, I will be the decider of my own destiny. I will not allow my life to end the way Mum's is.

Entering the system of Alzheimer's, by way of a GP, is not the route I want to take. I am a witness to the process and have no faith in it. My Dad would tell me to find my own way. I know that I have problems. I know that I am struggling. I know that my memory and disfunction is becoming an issue and impeding my life. If, and I say "if" I have suicidal tendancies in the future, I will be sure to stay away from this website for comfort.

How cross am I!!!! Sorry, I feel very ungrateful, I know you are all trying to help. Perhap I am beyond help.

remember me for the right reasons

 

[christine_batch]

Dear remember me,
You have every right to feel angry and scared and you should not feel that you have to appologise.

I too 21 years ago when I was first diagnoised and registered disabled thought of suicide on several ocassions. Thankfully I had my family and an excellent Doctor.

On you original "Cancer or Alzheimers" my husband's Consultant said on one visit, it would have been easier had Peter been diagnoised with Cancer. It would have been treatable.

I have a very close friend who has worked with AD/Dementia for 16 years and she has made it quite clear (as there is family history) that she would go away completely so her family and friends would not see her suffer.

Although we are here to help and support and give advice, in my own personnel opinion and I am in daily pain, drugged up to the hilt would not like my family and friends to see me go down the path that my beloved husband is in - last last stage.

I can only send you love and best wishes as you go through this dreadful time.

Christine

 

[jenniferpa]

If, and I say "if" I have suicidal tendancies in the future, I will be sure to stay away from this website for comfort.

You absolutely don't need to apologise, but this quote is relevant - if that is where you find yourself in the future you're quite right not to look to this (or probably) any website for comfort, because we're simply not cut out to provide that support. As Hazel mentioned, the Samaritans are undoubtedly the best people in that situation.

I'm sorry too, though, because I'm about to be frank: if you refuse for whatever reason to approach your GP over your memory issues, you are going to continue to have problems. There's not really a non-patronising way of wrapping it up so I don't see much point in trying. You're obviously an intelligent person so when you have a health issue (and memory loss is a health issue) and you refuse to access the services that could potentially help you with that issue, then the responsibility is yours and yours alone. Now possibly there is nothing that can be done, but until you investigate you won't know.

Best wishes

 

[remember me]

So, when do you go to the NHS for help, and if you do go, how do you stop the system from taking over. Before you can take breath you have a label. I know about labels. It is a big decision, it will be noted. Any conversation could have an impact on any future decisions. I saw it happen with Mum. Who do you trust?

I do not have a relationship with my GP, I have never needed one, I don't even think I have a GP, just a surgery.

If you have a family, and you love them, you do not want them to have to care for you when you are no longer able. You cannot stop them feeling that they need to care, but if caught early enough, can you do something to take away the years of pain, or guilt for not feeling pain.

I have a cat. I love my cat. I would save my cat from a life with the final stages of Alzheimer's. I would allow my cat to die with dignity. I could not do the same for my Mum, even if it were a legal possibility. What does that say about me? I do not care as much for my Mum as I do for my cat?

I want to be a cat, perhaps I am,

remember me

 

[BeverleyY]

I have a cat. I love my cat. I would save my cat from a life with the final stages of Alzheimer's. I would allow my cat to die with dignity. I could not do the same for my Mum, even if it were a legal possibility. What does that say about me? I do not care as much for my Mum as I do for my cat?

I want to be a cat, perhaps I am,

remember me

It doesn't say you don't care for your Mum as much as your cat. The turmoil you are in shows that you care very much.

When my Mum was in ITU, I sat crying in my bed, telling my husband that I didn't know what was worse - physical, or mental illness.

I had irrational thoughts. I even said to my husband that rather than see my Dad deteriorate and get to the end stages of vascular dementia, I would prefer to end his life with insulin to preserve his dignity. I then hated myself for even thinking it.

Would I do it? No, never. I couldn't and wouldn't. Does that mean I love him, or that I don't love him. God knows. I just know that emotions are a very powerful thing and they make a whole range of options rush through your mind.

Back to your own issues - the GP cannot make a formal diagnosis anyway, so anything you said to them would not label you.

It may be good just to talk to them. No damage can be done by taking advice from them.

Best wishes.

Beverley

 

[Margarita]

So, when do you go to the NHS for help, and if you do go, how do you stop the system from taking over. Before you can take breath you have a label. I know about labels. It is a big decision, it will be noted

You made a good point they about label .

From my own experience they only label you when they send you to see a Psychologists and they can only only send you to see a Psychologists if you ask for a referral to see one .

so in your case if your worried about your memory that you may have or get AZ in the future , you may just want the doctor to do referral to see a memory nurses at your hospital .

or also another option you can ask, talk about to your doctor is with him and he will not label you with anything

as they load of people like you who have worries like you, that it may run genetically in they family (AZ) and doctor can do referrals to find out if it genetically inherited in your family genes .

This is a good read on it

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=168&pageNumber=1


Genetic testing and counselling for people at risk of familial dementias

Anyone who is worried about inheriting a form of dementia and who has a relative with the condition should speak first to their GP. Although scientists are discovering more about the genetics of late onset Alzheimer's disease there are no approved tests for this condition. However, if you have more than one family member affected by early onset dementia, and particularly if your family members first showed signs of the disease between the ages of 30 and 50, you may be referred to a regional clinical genetics department. Here you will be given more information and an opportunity to discuss the risk to yourself and other family members. For a few families it may be possible to identify a gene change that is responsible for the disease in that family. Most people with a dementia affecting a family member do not have such a gene change. However, if such a change is found in your family this raises the possibility of testing to see if you too have the change. This sort of testing is called predictive testing and is currently offered to people with Huntington's disease in the family, for example. Before having such a predictive test you will be offered extensive counselling to make sure it is the right decision for you.

 

[Trucker123]

Just registered so just working my way through some of the threads.

I lost my mum to cancer - she was poorly for just 3 months before she died - I thought her death was cruel...

Now my dad has dementia - this was diagnosed 5 years plus ago, however, looking back I think the loss of my mum was the trigger if that is possible.

Like you I now think that perhaps cancer was the kinder option - the body of my dad remains but the real dad the one I looked up to respected, idolised.... went several years ago. Now there is the occasional glimmer of dad. At all other times its like having an alien residing with you inside a familiar body.

Have you had countless people tell you its just like having a child. I find this kind of comment flippent and frustrating. The only comparison I can see to a child is a child with disabilities, who will lack independence and require continued support. With a healthy child at the beginning there is always hope for their future and the adult they will become -light at the end of the tunnel if you like. With dementia you are on the slippery sliding slope, no breaks and heading for a brick wall.

Sorry getting on my soap box now - must be getting tired...

 

[connie]

Hello trucker 123, welcome to TP.

Sorry getting on my soap box now - must be getting tired...

Can quite understand how you might be tired, especially if you have been looking at various threads. All this after caring for your dad.

I cannot comment on the Cancer/Alzheimers issue, because it is one that does not affect me personally.

We all have our own thoughts on different issues, and everyones views are welcome. Please don't think that we would feel you were on your soap box. You have been through this experience and these are your valid views.

Look forward to getting to know you through the forum.