Welcome Trucker 123
I am a carer for my hubby Ron.
Yes, the same body, but a different person.
Barb & Ron
I am a carer for my hubby Ron.
Yes, the same body, but a different person.
Barb & Ron
Cancer or Alzheimers
- Thread starter remember me
- Start date
Trucker123 said:
This is one of those things that can be read in different ways, and said with different meanings.
Firstly, a good way: we have an especial duty of care for children as they are not up to speed with the dangers of the world and with other things that may seem obvious when they grow up. Keeping out of the sun, washing, eating, eating with cutlery, not eating too quickly or swallowing the wrong way, electricity, gas, traffic, heat, cold, etc... there are so many things we take for granted
When someone has moderate to advanced dementia, we need to use the same sort of care for them. This does not - or should not - mean we treat them as if they are stupid, or a very young child. We just give more attention to their safety than otherwise we might need to.
Secondly, a bad way: shouting at them, treating them as if they were backward [they may appear so unless we try to enter their world], etc. In her early stages, our GP talked to my wife in a loud voice as if she were deaf [she never was], v e r y s l o w l y as if she were thick [never in a million years] and as if she were 5 years old. It was a close run thing which of us was going to hit him! [neither of us did but boy, were we mad!]
The thing that annoys me most is when well-meaning but rather dim people say people with dementia are in the land of the fairies.
A rant of my own, then....
Hello Remember Me and Trucker
Not been reading too much recently on the threads. Going through a rather bad phase myself at the moment. Trucker, my dad has dementia and is very agressive at the moment and he dissapears on a regular basis. He takes his aggression out on me. When I go looking for him I have to say, no I don't think of him as a child at all but sometimes he certainly acts that way. But trying to get him back home is a complete nightmare and I have on many occassions had to laugh at the way he behaves but then again it starts to become really frightening aswell. But he isn't a child he is 6'3" tall to my 5'1" and thats scary.
Remember me, I am looking after dad with dementia, and my mum is terminally ill with cancer. Only yesterday, when I was bathing her I found another lump and boy it really takes it out of you finding lump after lump and knowing that its only going to get worse. Yes, mum is certainly easier to look after, no aggression, but both illnesses for me are of the same horrible nightmare and I certainly don't want to go down either route.
Do take the advice from the people who are trying to get you to see your GP - I've never looked back. My GP is the only person other than my lovely husband who knows how I feel, has given me enourmous support and has pointed me in the right direction and for me without her help I don't know where I would be. I am on antidepressants, have panick attacks, you name it, at the present time I have it.
Do offload here, but also seek medical advice for yourself. It really is important for your wellbeing.
Love Andrea
Not been reading too much recently on the threads. Going through a rather bad phase myself at the moment. Trucker, my dad has dementia and is very agressive at the moment and he dissapears on a regular basis. He takes his aggression out on me. When I go looking for him I have to say, no I don't think of him as a child at all but sometimes he certainly acts that way. But trying to get him back home is a complete nightmare and I have on many occassions had to laugh at the way he behaves but then again it starts to become really frightening aswell. But he isn't a child he is 6'3" tall to my 5'1" and thats scary.
Remember me, I am looking after dad with dementia, and my mum is terminally ill with cancer. Only yesterday, when I was bathing her I found another lump and boy it really takes it out of you finding lump after lump and knowing that its only going to get worse. Yes, mum is certainly easier to look after, no aggression, but both illnesses for me are of the same horrible nightmare and I certainly don't want to go down either route.
Do take the advice from the people who are trying to get you to see your GP - I've never looked back. My GP is the only person other than my lovely husband who knows how I feel, has given me enourmous support and has pointed me in the right direction and for me without her help I don't know where I would be. I am on antidepressants, have panick attacks, you name it, at the present time I have it.
Do offload here, but also seek medical advice for yourself. It really is important for your wellbeing.
Love Andrea
Hi All,
I have been following this thread with a little unease having just lost my mother to COPD / Cancer two months ago. Just feel a little uncomfortable with the alzheimers vs cancer issue.
Although I can see where people are coming from regarding the painfully slow progression with dementia, I really think you cannot compare the two illnesses, they are both so different and people suffer in so many different ways.
Like many, I watched my mother die very slowly and painfully aware of the pending end along with the added pain of knowing her husband was in the late stages an incurable illness. However, I think my mum would have swapped places with anyone in the world in the last month of her illness.
What I'm trying to say, probably in a messy way, is that these two illnesses are so different and it is like comparing apples and oranges. Not sure I feel comfortable with it but that is just probably me being tender at the moment.
Just my opinion
Craig
I have been following this thread with a little unease having just lost my mother to COPD / Cancer two months ago. Just feel a little uncomfortable with the alzheimers vs cancer issue.
Although I can see where people are coming from regarding the painfully slow progression with dementia, I really think you cannot compare the two illnesses, they are both so different and people suffer in so many different ways.
Like many, I watched my mother die very slowly and painfully aware of the pending end along with the added pain of knowing her husband was in the late stages an incurable illness. However, I think my mum would have swapped places with anyone in the world in the last month of her illness.
What I'm trying to say, probably in a messy way, is that these two illnesses are so different and it is like comparing apples and oranges. Not sure I feel comfortable with it but that is just probably me being tender at the moment.
Just my opinion
Craig
I too am uneasy about this thread..
I watched my father die from pancreatic cancer..indeed nursed him at home for the last 7 weeks of his life..
Now I've taken early retirement to care for my husband who is moving through the moderate stages of Alzheimers/Vascular dementia.
The bare fact is that none of us can choose..therefore to my mind this is rather a pointless and morbid discussion.
We deal with what we are given..our attitude towards that is what counts.
I strive hard to remain positive..but it's not always that easy.
Support from TP has been tantamount in pulling me back into focus many a time.
As for liking an AD sufferer to a child..my husband is so childlike in his need for me and my care and love so yes,in many ways it is like childcare. But I do not treat him as a child..
I do hope you continue to talk to us Trucker..you have raised several issues which are of obvious concern to you..talking does help...
Love gigi xx
I watched my father die from pancreatic cancer..indeed nursed him at home for the last 7 weeks of his life..
Now I've taken early retirement to care for my husband who is moving through the moderate stages of Alzheimers/Vascular dementia.
The bare fact is that none of us can choose..therefore to my mind this is rather a pointless and morbid discussion.
We deal with what we are given..our attitude towards that is what counts.
I strive hard to remain positive..but it's not always that easy.
Support from TP has been tantamount in pulling me back into focus many a time.
As for liking an AD sufferer to a child..my husband is so childlike in his need for me and my care and love so yes,in many ways it is like childcare. But I do not treat him as a child..
I do hope you continue to talk to us Trucker..you have raised several issues which are of obvious concern to you..talking does help...
Love gigi xx
HI there
Well said Criag, mum and dad's situation are so totally not connected, and yet, they both live together and seeing two different, and horrible deseases, one cannot put a for or against either. I know, I'm in there, with my wonderful parents day in and day out.
But, would I have it any other way - No I wouldn't, indeed I feel priviledged to be there at all. Oh, yes, I have some awful thoughts on a daily basis mainly when dad is aggressive, and I have become ill myself through looking after two parents but it goes with the territory.
And for me, I know that whatever happens long or short term I will have no guilt at the end, because I have done anything and everything I could possible do for my parents.
Andrea
Well said Criag, mum and dad's situation are so totally not connected, and yet, they both live together and seeing two different, and horrible deseases, one cannot put a for or against either. I know, I'm in there, with my wonderful parents day in and day out.
But, would I have it any other way - No I wouldn't, indeed I feel priviledged to be there at all. Oh, yes, I have some awful thoughts on a daily basis mainly when dad is aggressive, and I have become ill myself through looking after two parents but it goes with the territory.
And for me, I know that whatever happens long or short term I will have no guilt at the end, because I have done anything and everything I could possible do for my parents.
Andrea
I think as others have previously pointed out everyone forgets things sometimes. Stress, tiredness, too much to do and too little time all account for "blips". And if the stress etc is an ongoing thing surely so will the "blips" be.
I'm no expert and talk purely from personal experience as someone who works, has an elderly relative living at home with moderate to severe dementia, whilst trying to keep the home and a relationship with my partner going. I suspect I would be as stressed if not more if my relative was in a home constantly wondering what was happening.
Keep strong.....
I'm no expert and talk purely from personal experience as someone who works, has an elderly relative living at home with moderate to severe dementia, whilst trying to keep the home and a relationship with my partner going. I suspect I would be as stressed if not more if my relative was in a home constantly wondering what was happening.
Keep strong.....
everyone forgets things
...and guess what, I forgot my password for a month or so. But everyone does. I remember my Mum telling me that...
remember me
...and guess what, I forgot my password for a month or so. But everyone does. I remember my Mum telling me that...
remember me
Hello Remember Me!..
Good to hear from you...
I now have a book by the phone to write down who rang..and why..
Just now my memory is awful..my head is too busy.
There are days when it crosses my mind this may not be "normal"..
But I have learned a lot from being on TP..and from living this disease with my husband.
We're not just looking at memory loss..but the loss of the ability to rationalise,to make decisions,to learn new skills....I can still do that.Am sure you can too.Please keep in touch and let us know how things are..you could join the main forum or tea room....Love gigi xx
Trucker..why don't you open your own thread in the main forum or tea room with your specific concerns..I think you may find more support that way! Love gigi xx
Good to hear from you...
I now have a book by the phone to write down who rang..and why..
Just now my memory is awful..my head is too busy.
There are days when it crosses my mind this may not be "normal"..
But I have learned a lot from being on TP..and from living this disease with my husband.
We're not just looking at memory loss..but the loss of the ability to rationalise,to make decisions,to learn new skills....I can still do that.Am sure you can too.Please keep in touch and let us know how things are..you could join the main forum or tea room....Love gigi xx
Trucker..why don't you open your own thread in the main forum or tea room with your specific concerns..I think you may find more support that way! Love gigi xx
Hello Gigi,
How hard it must be to watch your partner go through this, I can't imagine, and am grateful that my Dad didn't have to see what has happened to Mum. He knew things weren't right, perhaps that's why he went.
I write things down too, but in a haphazard fashion and then can't find the note. I have bought so many notebooks in an effort to organise myself, but forget to use them, and scribble on all sorts of bits of paper.
At work, I sit in meetings, and contradict myself because I can't remember what I said at the last meeting. If my boss is there, he looks at me confused, and I feel as if I don't earn my salary. My staff, accept whatever I say, even when I am irrational, and then I go back to my office, and realise what a complete fool I have just made of myself.
Mum has been hit a couple of times by other residents in the home. She has always been a very tactile person, and other residents, with their own problems, feel threatened and react. Even one of the nurses registered a complaint because Mum came up behind her and put her arms around her. Mum is the least aggressive person I have ever known, but she has always hugged and touched a lot - personal space has never meant anything to her.
I know I will be in trouble with this website for thinking negatively, but is it really wrong not to want to put the burden of dealing with me on the shoulders of others as I deteriorate.
OK - shouldn't have said that - I expect to be jumped on by moderators or whoever - but if it helps - I'm irrational
remember me
How hard it must be to watch your partner go through this, I can't imagine, and am grateful that my Dad didn't have to see what has happened to Mum. He knew things weren't right, perhaps that's why he went.
I write things down too, but in a haphazard fashion and then can't find the note. I have bought so many notebooks in an effort to organise myself, but forget to use them, and scribble on all sorts of bits of paper.
At work, I sit in meetings, and contradict myself because I can't remember what I said at the last meeting. If my boss is there, he looks at me confused, and I feel as if I don't earn my salary. My staff, accept whatever I say, even when I am irrational, and then I go back to my office, and realise what a complete fool I have just made of myself.
Mum has been hit a couple of times by other residents in the home. She has always been a very tactile person, and other residents, with their own problems, feel threatened and react. Even one of the nurses registered a complaint because Mum came up behind her and put her arms around her. Mum is the least aggressive person I have ever known, but she has always hugged and touched a lot - personal space has never meant anything to her.
I know I will be in trouble with this website for thinking negatively, but is it really wrong not to want to put the burden of dealing with me on the shoulders of others as I deteriorate.
OK - shouldn't have said that - I expect to be jumped on by moderators or whoever - but if it helps - I'm irrational
remember me
Hi remember me
I am strugling to see what you have said that is wrong,and is worrying to you?
Also can I assure you that no moderator ever jumps upon anyone.
Moderators assist and support,the main aim being to help people in the battle on the awful dementia journey.
Norman
Hello Remember me!...
You sound rather as I was this time last year..lack of concentration,unable to focus..probably not finding much pleasure in life..etc...
Classic symptoms of extreme tiredness,stress,depression..
I am no expert and obviously cannot diagnose this..
It took me 6 months of counselling to work out what was happening to me.
Naturally I don't know your complete circumstances..but
a) I am totally sympathetic...
b) No-one will jump on you here..
c) Could you take a bit of time to work out exactly what it is that is troubling you. See your GP? Request counselling?
No you will not be in trouble..goodness..all of us think negatively a lot of the time..it's hard to stay positive..it needs work and good support.
What concerns me is that you think you are deteriorating..
I don't know how old you or your circumstances..
But you sound like an intelligent and articulate human being who needs some love and support.
You will have virtual support here..but we are not in your real life..
Please see your GP for some advice about the way you feel.
Love gigi xx
You sound rather as I was this time last year..lack of concentration,unable to focus..probably not finding much pleasure in life..etc...
Classic symptoms of extreme tiredness,stress,depression..
I am no expert and obviously cannot diagnose this..
It took me 6 months of counselling to work out what was happening to me.
Naturally I don't know your complete circumstances..but
a) I am totally sympathetic...
b) No-one will jump on you here..
c) Could you take a bit of time to work out exactly what it is that is troubling you. See your GP? Request counselling?
No you will not be in trouble..goodness..all of us think negatively a lot of the time..it's hard to stay positive..it needs work and good support.
What concerns me is that you think you are deteriorating..
I don't know how old you or your circumstances..
But you sound like an intelligent and articulate human being who needs some love and support.
You will have virtual support here..but we are not in your real life..
Please see your GP for some advice about the way you feel.
Love gigi xx
Hello Remember Me
I agree with everything Gigi has said.
My mind is all of a dither. Tiredness, worry - all those thing's.
See your Doctorplease
Barb XX
I agree with everything Gigi has said.
My mind is all of a dither. Tiredness, worry - all those thing's.
See your Doctor
pleaseBarb XX
No go areas
With respect, Norman, I felt thoroughly jumped on by Grannie G back in February, and now try very hard to moderate my own thoughts before I commit them to this website.
remember me
With respect, Norman, I felt thoroughly jumped on by Grannie G back in February, and now try very hard to moderate my own thoughts before I commit them to this website.
remember me
Do not moderate your own thought's
Just say what you have to say.
Please
I have said thing's, regretted some, and glad I said other thing's.
The Moderators, well
They are not all bad.
After all, they have been there, worn the teashirt, etc.
Like all of us.
Love Barb & Ron XX
Just say what you have to say.
Please
I have said thing's, regretted some, and glad I said other thing's.
The Moderators, well
They are not all bad.
After all, they have been there, worn the teashirt, etc.
Like all of us.
Love Barb & Ron XX
