1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Weds 28 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 28 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Hi Margi

    You sure about leaving the Tesco manager, he's going to think you don't like him :D

    Unfortunately mum bought stuff (without my input) that is now out of date, or that I can't eat and she doesn't want it??? We only needed essentials, but as no decaf tea for mum left, it was essential :D

    Fridge & freezer creamed with rubbish, so that'll have to be cleared when she's not looking, but no room for much else. I struggled to get the milk in :confused: I've no idea what she needs 3 packs of cream, 5 packs of cheese, 7 lemons, several jars of marmalade or why she had to get more cereal, when the cupboard is bursting with the stuff :confused:

    Mum is always obsessed with purse, keys & money. I am forever hunting down her keys n purse. I think I am at the stage where I just pick them up & put them on the right shelf without even knowing I'm doing it :eek:

    Last time we went out, mum decided (and said in a very loud voice), that anything she wasn't having, no one ekes was either, so I've got my fingers crossed that she us not like that tonight. I can't do the pudding anyway, but might fancy a starter, so I may have to watch if the lemon has resumed its position before ordering :eek:

    Have an enjoyable planner evening with your OH & grandson, I'll try to do the same with mum

    Sam
     
  2. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Happy Mew Year

    I hope this year brings as much of what you want as is possible.

    I treasure the smiles

    Sam
     
  3. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Took mum out for steak dinner

    Neighbour came over when we got back to see in the new year with a glass of bubbly

    Danced with mum, them alone to Robbie

    It's been good

    It's a memory to treasure :)
     
  4. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
  5. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,224
    Yorkshire

    Happy new year Sam x
     
  6. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Happy New Year Margi et al :)

    I've been pottering around, had breakfast!!, (not something I normally manage), washed up, cleaned up, being quiet :)

    Mums just been down for a coffee, headed back up for a shower and says she might go back to bed for a bit ;).

    I'm going to take the unexpected opportunity to do absolutely nothing in peace :rolleyes:

    :p
     
  7. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    I hope that nothing time lasted a good stretch. X
     
  8. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    It's been a quiet day, although mum appeared, she joined me in the lounge & apart from never ending cups of tea, has sat with me and watched "Fast Girks", feel good film about some runners & then an old disaster film "Volcano". :)

    There is a documentary on about the Titanic, which she wants to watch, so it's a bit of a TV marathon, but easier than I expected it to be

    It'll be a late dinner, but as she wasn't up till after 2, it won't kill us for once :eek:

    Today has been a relative sea of calm on this journey & I'm not rocking it at all :D

    Chewing gum for eyes it may be, but today it's been a good relaxing tool

    :)
     
  9. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,224
    Yorkshire

    Hi Sam

    Have only just seen this post !!

    I must have missed this one, grandson arrived and then it's full on with him, chasing round after himetc...

    Well whatever perfume you used on this day obviously worked lol

    Check you out !! Middle of supermarket, can just imagine, it's made me smile

    Take every bit of happiness that comes your way xx
     
  10. Ellaroo

    Ellaroo Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    161
    Liverpool
    You sound an amazing person and i mean that.
    I brought my mum to live with me after my sister who lived with her was financially abusing mum via debit card.
    That was in oct 2009 , mum now nearly 91.
    My husband aged55 died of cancer 2012 and ive just had surgery, started chemo for breast cancer! Like you ive been going to the gym rec by dr for mental state and only slim, Fittest ive been for yrs .
    Mum now in temp emi nursing home as can attack when having personal care.
    Mum rejected daycare but i use respite fully and had 28 days awarded due to mums behaviour.
    All summer hammered mums travel pass , city centre, chester, west kirby , new brighton, cheshire oaks. I was on a mission , mum enjoyed meeting people too.
    People would approach me and say .... My mums just been diagnosed. Felt me and mum helping others aswell as enjoying ourselves.
    I wish you all the best as a champion carer x
     
  11. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    If there is anything 'good' about this pernicious condition, it is that those of us who care for a PWD learn to treasure the small things, every smile, every shared laugh.

    Like Margi, I hope you are (all) able to grab every bit of happiness with both hands and treasure it.
     
  12. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    It did make me smile, eaud de £land shower gel :D
     
  13. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Thank you Ellaroo, I'll take the compliment even if I don't feel I deserve it. :eek:

    So many threads on here of people dealing with much more than I am, they are the champions, they give me hope that I can do this. I think it's about not feeling I am alone, even if I don't get to meet, I know there are people who will hold my hand & maybe I can hold theirs

    I do find that writing it down, talking to myself almost, helps so much. I also wanted to be able to look back & be reminded of the good days, the days when mum seems fine, a slightly confused old lady, but no aggression & no temper :eek:

    I'm so sorry you have had so much to deal with, it must have been very tough finding out about your sisters financial abuse of your mum, you don't want to believe someone could do that, certainly not to someone elderly or a family member. I try to be very transparent about any spending. I encourage mum to treat herself, but not me :eek:. I don't need anyone thinking I'm doing something wrong. My brother is aware of any spending, although mum doesn't want him involved in her finances, I feel he should know some of it, I'm about to spend over £500 on sorting the downstairs loo, so he's been told about that

    Mum will be 82 in a few weeks, she tires easily now, but is too stubborn to admit it :eek: so I find myself suggesting tea n cake when I really just want to get home. For someone who has "watched her weight" all my life, she is very keen on cake these days :D

    Cancer is such a horrid disease, I'm sorry for the loss of your husband & now your fight. There are more treatments each year, maybe one day they will find a real cure, my dad was "clear" of bladder cancer a few times, but each time it came back they found a new cure. His description of one such cure was hilarious, I think his humour helped him deal with it.

    I really don't know how, or even if, I will be able to deal with aggression, if mum gets to that stage. I'm not sure I will be able to. My marriage was mostly emotionally abusuve & it took a long time for me to regain a level of self worth. Partly by being aggressive myself, which I then had to calm :(. However, I still find being shouted at very hard to handle & it tends to reduce me to tears, so I am crossing my fingers that mum doesn't go that way, as that could well be my line in the sand :(

    I've talked to mum about day care, I'll have to broach it again soon, as I think it will be good for her & will give me a real break. I've got to get another assessment & review her meds too. So much to sort out & so little energy at the end of the day. But, I'm feeling a bit more rested after a couple of "good" days :)

    I take mum out to town, so thankful for the blue badge :) as parking is a nightmare, she loves wandering in & out of charity shops & picking up a bargain :). I do have to steer her away from great grandson clothes as she seems to go for pink (ummmm no), or either 12 months or 4 years ???? He is 2, so I find myself saying either, it'll be too big or too small rather a lot :(

    I think she gets more out of just going out the house than anything else, and of course the cake!! Luckily I can't eat cake or I'd be the size of a mansion not just a house by now :eek: I so know what you mean about going out. Keeps me sane, keeps her happy. She does like to people watch :)

    It says you are in Liverpool, would you be coming to the Liverpool retreat? Would be nice to "meet" you. The chance to sit & have a coffee without clocking where the loos are!! Some people are coming for a day to meet up, I'll be staying as its a bit far to go home each night :)

    Here's to 2017 having more good days than bad & the ability to get through the tough times

    Sam
     
  14. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    You are so right Slugsta, the little things mean so much now :)

    I plan very little, take each day as it comes, try to keep things calm, which is presently rewarding us both with smiles, hugs & laughter :D

    I'm no saint. I get frustrated & sometimes I want to go to a rooftop & scream till I'm hoarse, as I'm sure many do, if someone opened a "scream" room, I think it would be overbooked in minutes!!

    I am going to Liverpool next month & am tentatively looking at a holiday later, so long as I can sort something for mum, so I'm looking ahead at little things, but I think I need something just for me to focus on at times

    I do think this has taught me more patience, which is not a bad thing :eek:

    Grabbing the good bits & holding them to our hearts :)

    Sam
     
  15. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,224
    Yorkshire
    Am so looking forward to few days away in Liverpool.
     
  16. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    You and me both Margi

    I just hope there is a bath in my room, the thought of being able to lie back in peace is keeping me going :D. I like the shower, but no chance of me taking a bath here, mum would be midering me as soon as the door closed :(

    I did try to look and see who else is going, would be nice to out names to faces, but I sort of lost the will, what with being tired etc

    If I can work it, I'm going to try to add on a few days & whip round seeing a few friends & family "up north", as I'll be there, not sure when I'll get another chance

    Yay for another (mostly) stress free day with mum. No idea why, but I'm grateful :D

    Sam
     
  17. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,030
    Female
    Chester
    I sometimes pop in and read your thread, but just to say I'm going to be at the Liverpool meet up during the day a couple of times, I work in Liverpool. Need to be home in the evenings to do my parent taxi service duties (kids are 15 and 11) but can take a bit of time off work in the day.
     
  18. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Hi JM

    I sort of catch up with your story by lurking on AnnM's thread, that lady is a star :)

    I'm envious of your energy, no idea how you keep so many balls in the air, or cycle, but guess you love it. I used to be a swimmer, so I understand the training, so long as it was fun, it didn't feel like work :D

    It'll be good to meet you, although I was born near Liverpool, I've not been back for a long time, won't recognise anything :eek:. If you work there, I expect we will be picking your brains on where to eat etc

    I'm guessing from some of your comments (poss wrong), that Feb will be easier than Jan work wise, it's good you will be able to take some time off & meet up

    At least you should have your washing machine by then & have gotten used to it :). Mine was simple, select wash, press start. Mums has about 20 different options??? My sons defeats me ... it's got about 3 dials, digital display etc. Whatever happened to just "wash my stuff" lol :eek:

    Mums taxi, still doing it sometimes myself, even if they are 24 & 26!!!! Youngest is hopefully starting driving this month, so that will take the pressure off a bit.

    I'm looking forward to a few days of not being on duty, talking face to face with people who don't look shocked at my attitude & having a bit of time to be me. Fingers crossed it is good for all of us :)

    Sam
     
  19. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    I've been at home with mum, more or less 24/7, for 10 days, apart from a few 5 hour driving stints!!

    We've had several days of relative calm, or where I've diverted the temper with a joke n a hug :)

    Today normal life resumes! Well, the new normal anyway. I'll be out at work, she will be on her own for 4 hours. I'm just crossing my fingers that she doesn't get anxious & restart the tantrums. Maybe I'm working about nothing. I hope so :rolleyes:

    Five weeks till Liverpool :D

    Sam
     
  20. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,030
    Female
    Chester
    It has changed massively in the last few years, with the building of the Liverpool One shopping area and much of the waterfront area being developed the city has a real vibrancy about it.

    The Pierhead area has a really nice area where the Leeds/Liverpool canal finishes.

    Jan isn't normally too busy for me in work (I work in corporate tax not personal) although this year it looks worse than normal as some of the work normally done in Oct to Dec was delayed.

    Looking forward to seeing you both.

    Not sure I can help too much with restaurants, any eating out is done on the Wirral or Chester as I live in Ellesmere Port.
     

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