Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
Hi Spamar
I think this time it was more a tinny little thing, with most likely an inebriated driver. I was 6th in line, but the tail back after 30 minutes was massive. I was very grateful no one attempted any overtaking, as there is no safe place. Most of it is marked with solid white lines, not that that stops everyone from trying
. I've had a few heart stopping moments on that end of the journey in the pastI know what you mean by the elderly push car drivers! Brand new BMW or Audi crawling along probably congratulating themselves on their careful drivers, totally unaware of the fact that it's more dangerous than driving close to the limit, as they cause frustration & other drivers then take unnecessary risks
Yes. The two Christmases worked out so much better than I hoped. I was very lucky & am very grateful that they did. I'm bone tired, but happy to be so, with a bundle if good memories
I hope you got to spend your time well, I've not read many posts, will catch up later after I've recovered
. It's definitely a difficult time of year for so many, but being able to share the good & bad with people who understand makes it a little easier. I'm so thankful for TP, I doubt I would have survived without blowing a gasket otherwise
Are you going to Liverpool in February? It would be nice to "meet" you
Sam
Morning
It's so good that your mum loved the hamper, she will hopefully have little reminders as she uses them through the year. Mum has three packs of emery boards, so should last her (& the dog who keeps pinching & chewing them) a fair time
My mum does have a drink, but only in company, but I too would not be comfortable leaving her with various bottles of booze, she's unsteady enough. At least I'm here, so can follow her around etc. Your brother sounds like he is in denial, thinking he can carry on as before, but if their lives revolve around pubs, then they are not going to see any problem. Just hope nothing goes wrong, but know you will be in it
It's good you got a little "me" time with your friend. A chance at "normal", I'll bet it helped you through the other moments.
Lol at the grandson dancing on the table
I managed to tuck mum in her chair & youngest handed out presents, so no mix up, although the dog wanted to help & at one stage the grandson decided his dad's present was for youngest & kept taking it and giving it to youngest
My mum seems a little less confused than yours, but I doubt next year will mean much to her. It's so sad. She's worked all her life. Yet here she is, losing memories, struggling to follow plots of films & books, needing someone with her. It's got to be so hard for her. She's always been so fiercely independent
More coffee needed. Hint hint Margi
Sam
You can come over anytime and sample my fancy coffees
Yes, I think mum is definitely more confused at the moment. Had a urine sample checked and all was
It is probably more advanced stage of disease.
I was not looking forward to this at all, but put my game face on & crossed my fingers
It started ok, I had the ham on & cheese sauce cooling as I headed to the car, yes, more driving around
I arrived at my brothers on time, then waited, and waited and waited. Nearly 20 minutes later I got them in the car. Now my whole timing it thrown out
Instead of spending a little time with brother, SIL & the kids, I had to dive in the kitchen & start chopping leeks & getting them on to cook. SIL actually came into the kitchen & chatted with me while I cooked. Previously unheard of from her
I'm now running very late, so made excuses & out to the car again to collect my two boys. Eldest was obviously in a mood & had a face like a slapped butt
I left them chatting & got stuck into sorting food. Leeks in cheese sauce safely in the oven, roast potatoes oiled & salted, made an indent into the washing up (mum messed up the dishwasher), so it was lots of hot water & wrinkly hands for me
My brother then joined me in the kitchen & kept me company while I sorted things out, so although I didn't get to be part of the family in the lounge, I wasn't left on my own
There was a fair amount of teasing as I got the kids to move the furniture around so we could sit down to eat. I couldn't do it myself, as recliners are a bit heavy for me at the moment.
Slight panic as I found mum had polished the silver wear & put it away. She'd done so well, I could only find 4 knives & 4 forks, but there were 8 of us. So I legged it upstairs, rooted in a cupboard & found my canteen of cutlery. There are advantages to merging two households
Kids all had seconds, niece was first to ask!!! She wasn't even daunted when I said she'd have to carve her own meat & came back I very smug saying she'd done a better job than I had (not difficult as I'll admit to hacking more than carving).
Eldest started playing on his phone (how many times do I have to tell him how rude that is??), needless to say, Grandma told him off & he went outside in a strop. Well, he missed out on the extravagant chocolate pudding, so there you go
I gave niece & nephew money, I don't know what they want, so it's safer & they can pick up a bargain in the sales. They both seemed pleased with that & thanked me without checking how much they got!!
Lots of hugs & laughter for mum, so she was pleased. I then bundled SIL, niece, nephew & my eldest in the car & dropped them home. My brother suggested he wait with my youngest with mum, meaning we could get eldest out the house soonest, as he was sporting a right face on him.
Then it was back in the car with youngest & brother. Dropped off my brother & set off to Essex with youngest. We chatted for a while, then he asked if it was ok for him to chat with his gf. He's so considerate. After about 20 mins he apologised for ignoring me for so long & put his phone away
I met his gf's children & got a hug off the youngest, such a cute little girl, I can definitely see how she has stolen youngest's heart
Quick pit stop & off I went again. First hour was pretty good, then caught up to a "Sunday driver" as we used to call them. You know the sort, drive at least 10mph under the limit, break at oncoming traffic, break on bends (??), this one drove at 45 in the 60 limit, 35 in the 50 limit & to my utter frustration 24 in the 30 limit
The last 45 miles lasted forever. By this time my shoulder was on fire, pain down to my fingers, my knees hurt & I just wanted to get home.
I staggered out the car & into the house, informing mum I was now off duty & in need of a drink
Yes it was stressful getting it all sorted. Yes I could have cheerfully strangled my eldest. Yes the driving over 400 miles in three days was ridiculous. But. It was worth it. Mum was happy. We all talked. Everyone helped & mucked in, so it wasn't all on my shoulders on the day
I'm glad I did it, I doubt very much that it will be possible next year, so we all should have good memories to hold in our hearts
Now the clear up begins
Sam
Hi Sam
Am so glad that Boxing Day was a success ��
That's all I think everyone wants, peace, no arguments and a little help of everyone can go a long way.
I still could not cope with that amount of driving you did, but a bonus, a hug off a little girl, these hugs can go a long way to make us all feel good, love to get them off my grandson.
I hit the sales today !!
Am very organised, next years cards, gift bags etc... bought.
Lots of winter clothes for grandson and new baby due in January, that are ready for next Xmas.
My friends laugh at me for this, and say I am mad !!
But never do I shop in December for presents, as it's crazy!!
Went to see MIL from h*ll today !!
Not had pleasure since July !!
Oh goes every week, every few months is plenty for me.
I literally went in, saying hi, said to oh we can't stop long as going to daughters house, she tried to show me a present someone had bought her, I showed as much interest as looking at tv advert !!
Lot of history am afraid with this woman, neither time or patience anymore !!
Years of condemning my skills as a wife, mother etc...
Buying one child £200 tv and the other got £10 at Xmas ( did this for years )
Looking in my wardrobe, when I was out and then saying when I returned, did not like anything.
Went on holiday, she house sat. Came home and she had ' found ' my building society book. In drawer under my bed !!!! Then gave it to oh ( in case he needed it )
Have worked all my life from 16 to now (53) but she says oh is the one who paid for house !!! We are a team by the way, who always shared the bills.
This woman has been ' ill ' for over 30 years !!!
Came to my house once and ' took over ' in kitchen !!! Carving large leg of lamb, then promptly fed loads to my dog til sick !!! Not enough meat left for rest of family !!
Caught her out so many times with her malicious lies !!
Did a buffet once in front of her and then caught her sabotaging the sarnies!!
My beautiful new born son, had excema as a baby, I caught her wiping his face with urine soaked nappy !!! Said it was good for excema !!! I seriously at that point wanted to get one of his poo nappys and slap it round her face !!!
Spent years saying " have you put on weight ?? " even if I had lost weight and got complements from others !!
I used to say princess Diana would not have been good enough for my oh in her eyes !!
My list could go on and on !!!
I will continue with this another day.
I think even seeing her nowadays just brings out all past memories and I need to give her a swerve for a few months again!!!
On the one and only plus side for this woman, I can honestly say, she taught me well, never ever treat a DIL as I was treated.
Anyhow have ranted out and am sorry for that, but Hay ho ��
Love BK
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Evening BK et al
I was relieved Boxing Day went so well, you are absolutely right, peace n a little help makes all the difference
A large glass helps at other times I've always driven fairly long distances, not so much these days, so I wasn't worried about it, but I think it was a bit too much with all the organising, trying to get everyone else to be on time, that was the hard part. Unless I can stop over on the way, I'll be doing a long drive to Liverpool, but I'll be on my own & no one else to delay me. Except any Sunday Drivers
Yes, I do believe a hug can make most times feel better, unexpected ones are precious
. Youngest gave me a few, even brother & SIL did , but the little girl was real cute I admire you hitting the shops today, I too used to get cards, paper & presents in January sales, cheaper & less stress, but I didn't have the energy to do anything today. I've told mum 3 times (so far) that, no I am not doing my washing today!!
Your mil sounds a bit like mine
Massive bag of presents for her daughter, but a charity shop decanter (complete with dust) & a cheap bottle of wine between the husband & myself We were told to come at 10, so we could exchange presents and leave, so they could get on with their Christmas!! We were not invited
we were invited on Boxing Day, for the leftovers lol. We then had to play whatever board game the daughter chose & she had to win. Nought as strange as folk
Your mil sounds like a right charmer, not sure I could have restrained myself from the messy nappy & her face
Still, you can take the moral high ground, she is most likely jealous & needs to put you down, to make her look better. So long as you and your OH keep talking, she can't win her war Rant away Hun, get it out, I'm more than happy to listen. Now go pour a glass & smile. You have your family & nothing she does can spoil that
Right, nibbles time
Catch up later
Sam
Sam, I salute you for your marathon driving! And I'm afraid that although I'm only 56, I'm becoming one of the problem drivers - at least after dark! But I've now just stopped going out anywhere if it will be dark before I get home! I live in the country, and the buses (which only run to one nearby town) stop at 6pm. I find I'm ok driving as long as there's nothing coming against me. And I'm ok on wider roads. But on the narrow country roads, every time a car comes against me, I find I am totally blinded by the glare of the lights. Can't see a thing. So I've got to stop - the country roads around here, it would be insane to keep going when I can't see, as there are often cyclists and even the occasional pedestrian not wearing hi-viz gear! No footpath - not even a hard shoulder. So I've not been anywhere after dark for the last several weeks.
But I'm glad you were able to do it - because you now have those happy memories stored up.
But I'm glad you were able to do it - because you now have those happy memories stored up.
Hello LadyA
I drove in Ireland every few weeks for about 4 years, I literally drove all over, Cork, Donegal, Mullingar, Dublin, I went up to Fal Caragh, which is the last stop before the sea, so I know what you mean about your roads. We have those here too, but not as bad, at least we have some street lights.
. My first experience I'd driving in Ireland was a little on the scarey side, very similar to driving in Africa, where you drive on the best bits, not the left or right
My first 5 mins of driving in the Emerald Isle nearly had me in the hedge as someone came round a bend on "my" side of the road
I try to remember that once upon a time, I had to learn, I was not confident & I annoyed other drivers and I also drive to a rule my dad taught me when I am tired, don't know the road, or just don't feel safe. I pick a speed. A speed I am comfortable at, a speed I can keep up to on the worst parts, so when a duel carriageway or straight bit of road comes up, I stay at that speed & let the traffic pass me. When they are all gone, I accelerate until back on pitch Black Country lanes, they have gone & I can to idle along in peace. I also pull over if possible & let them pass. It's the ones that drive at 25 and then at 90 when it would be possible for the tailback to pass that annoy me
Your county lanes are bad, I was a real Miss Daisey on them. The sort if drivers I moan about here, are not driving on pitch black roads, they are not country lanes, they are full width, partly lit, but although bendy, are drivable with a bit of concentration.
My choice is to keep driving or not see my son, so although it can be painful, I just grit my teeth and do it. For my part it's just sheer stubbornness that makes me do it
I know some people have tried a yellow tint for night driving, you can get "over glasses" glasses. The sort that you out over the top of your glasses (if you wear glasses) & it kills most of the glare. They look awful, but no one sees you
you can probably get a cheap pair on eBay from China to tryhttp://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Night-Dri...615804?hash=item5b2e86e2fc:g:6xQAAOSwHMJYKShc
No idea if that link will work, but if it does, it gives you an idea of what I mean
You are barely a year older than me LadyA, I'm trying very hard to tell myself I am still young enough to have a life
although the mirror is arguing that very well right now My first ever drive in England was from Lancashire to Oxford and it had snowed a lot. I'd never driven in snow, there was a 1 mile bit of duel carriageway I'd driven on, but that was it. So there I was, driving dads car (new to me) on strange roads, in a strange country, with a map on the passenger seat. I set off late to avoid traffic, but got a coach behind me on a country lane & I was crawling along. I was stressing madly & looking for anywhere to pull in & let him pass. It seemed like forever before I found anywhere. I figure that if I, as a novice on English roads could be considerate enough to pull over, then "Sunday drivers" should too
I have no issue with people who are unsure of the road, if the road is county lane style etc, as I would crawl, slow considerably for beam light drivers. It's this time of year, when the driving is much more alcohol related, that annoys me
You are right. Although I am bone tired today. I have the memories of mums smile when my youngest walked in and said "hi Grandma" and hugged the life out if her. I have the memory of throwing roses in the sea while my sons stood either side of her. I have the love of my youngest keeping me going. (He has an old soul).
While I may hope that mum will know what Christmas is next year, I'm doubtful, so I know I did all I could to make it good for all of us. From a totally selfish view, I've made the memories for me, the rest of the family got them by default.
I mean no disrespect to anyone who drives, it's the "drunk drivers" avoiding the lice men, by crawling along that annoy me.
I guess coming to England with an Ex Pat brat accent and an Irish name in the 70's has made me a little insensitive to the way others may now see me, who don't know me IYKWIM. I'm lovely really
I'm presently reading through one of your threads, but about 10 months behind, I do hope you are well over you cold & have not developed another this year
Sam
Hello LadyA
Good news on no colds this year
. My brother has had one on & off for about 6 months not that he will get it checked out, but that's men for you Yes, cleaning the inside of the screen does help, as does cracking a window to clear the fog, as I found one very cold night, when I'd shut the window for once & couldn't understand why it was so foggy ( but only in front, not to the sides)
I felt a right fool when I realised Sam
What a perfect end to a rubbish day
Took Scruffy out for his evening walk, slipped on the frost 2 houses along, ricked both ankles & right knee.
Took Scruffy out for his evening walk, slipped on the frost 2 houses along, ricked both ankles & right knee.
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What a perfect end to a rubbish day
Took Scruffy out for his evening walk, slipped on the frost 2 houses along, rucked both ankles & left knee.
Hope you are ok after fall, treacherous is ice x
Had to go out for milk about 7, car was icy, so I really should have been more careful, but I was tired & didn't, so my own fault
Left ankle & right knee feeling list better, left ankle ??? I can move it about an nice upwards & almost not at all downwards. Very gently rotation, but narrow angle. Pretty major pain just below my ankle bone, so I've pulled or torn a ligament. I'm going to attempt the stairs (which I died earlier, swearing in every stair & using my arms to take the weight .... so glad mum is a little deaf ). Hope it's all sorted in the morning
At least mum snapped out if her foul mood when I told her. She's been Mrs Nurse!! Even Scruffy has not curled up on my legs, but laid on the floor by me instead.
Feeling well sorry for myself and not a little annoyed at my stupidness
Night all
Sam
Left ankle & right knee feeling list better, left ankle ??? I can move it about an nice upwards & almost not at all downwards. Very gently rotation, but narrow angle. Pretty major pain just below my ankle bone, so I've pulled or torn a ligament. I'm going to attempt the stairs (which I died earlier, swearing in every stair & using my arms to take the weight .... so glad mum is a little deaf
). Hope it's all sorted in the morningAt least mum snapped out if her foul mood when I told her
. She's been Mrs Nurse!! Even Scruffy has not curled up on my legs, but laid on the floor by me instead. Feeling well sorry for myself and not a little annoyed at my stupidness
Night all
Sam
Had to go out for milk about 7, car was icy, so I really should have been more careful, but I was tired & didn't, so my own fault
Left ankle & right knee feeling list better, left ankle ??? I can move it about an nice upwards & almost not at all downwards. Very gently rotation, but narrow angle. Pretty major pain just below my ankle bone, so I've pulled or torn a ligament. I'm going to attempt the stairs (which I died earlier, swearing in every stair & using my arms to take the weight .... so glad mum is a little deaf
At least mum snapped out if her foul mood when I told her
Feeling well sorry for myself and not a little annoyed at my stupidness
Night all
Sam
Hi Sam
Hope you are feeling better today ??
Went out with old friends last night. Was having lovely time, until phone calls off mum !!
Random again !!! Was really mixed up ( spoke to sister and mum was watching a programme with a little boy in house )
Anyhow mum rang three times, convinced that she had been left with a little boy to look after !!! Said she had been downstairs in her complex to find the parents and told me she was going to go outside to try find them !!
This would not be a good move on mums part because I know she would not get back in, would forget how to use fob for main door etc... anyone could take her fob and get in building ( putting rest of residents at risk )
She was very angry and quite nasty about the person who left child with her, said she should get an apology in morning !!
I said don't worry about it mum, just go to bed.
I am very worried mum is entering a new stage of disease ??
Am used to all other imagination scenarios mum pops up with but this is a new one on me !!
I have no idea what I will face today ?? What the heck do I do if she starts demanding to see whoever left child with her ?? I know this will go on for days !!!
Very worried new stage means she could wander outside !!
BK
Morning BK
I've read lots of threads where looking for children is common, some can find a link to real life (TV programme with little boy in it), others have no link. I wonder if it's a memory (false one), of looking after children, combined with anxiety, which makes these episodes come up? Whatever the reason, I think AnnM talked about little white lies of saying she had sorted it, babby was fine, parents were OK etc.
I don't know what to suggest, other than what you did, saying its all fine, you have sorted it. Maybe that you will talk to the parents? Has she got another UTI brewing?
It's worrying about her wanting to go out looking for them, as you say, not safe
. I hope you can keep calming her down over the phone . Is she due an assessment, maybe see if you can drag her to the doctor for an update. Tweek meds? There is much talk on here about resistance building up in PWD to meds that would knock you or I out for a week. Maybe a change would help Maybe it's the time of year
. I've no idea what is up with mum, but I'd love to go hide under the duvet from her. My ankle is still painful, managing to hobble about & I've driven carefully twice, it's that it not eat!!
My brother came over yesterday, helping me learn about the Apple laptop, as that meant a lot of intense conversation & messing about, we were in & out the breakfast room & up n down the stairs (hands n knees for me), so mum got quite iffy & it was hard balancing keeping her in an ok'ish mood, with listening to my brother.
Brother got a very clear idea of the trouble I have to juggle
This morning I've been told we are going to Aldi's as its so much cheaper & if I don't want to go, she will go alone. Don't tempt me. I will have to go to Tesco afterwards, as I Aldi don't do soya or lactofree
. So, that's my New Year Eve day shopping & getting P'd off Apparently I wanted to have the family over Christmas, so it was my choice & I can't say anything about being busy & now tired by it all. My own fault, self inflicted etc
She is presently watering the flowers in the lounge, (so that'll be a mess to clear up in a bit), I expect the decorations will be in a heap soon as its all over now. Face like a sucked lemon is back in force
Oh dear. She's now upstairs, stomping in her room, so that'll be drawers opening & closing in a few mins
Can I go back to bed please? I promise I'll be very quiet
Sam
That twit of a brother !!!!
Last nights update.
Think I have discovered cause of mum been totally confused/ nasty etc....
Mum said last night, when I asked " have you had a drink " she said " no "
Repeated question again today !! Same answer !!
My sister has been to mums and yep !!!! Was on the brandy which that thick inbocile bought her !!! I am now raging!!!
How many times does he have to be told !!! Do I have to say it in Japanese or Swahili for him to understand the consequences of mum drinking with medication !!
Part of me now wants to ring him and scream " are you trying to finish her off, so has you get inheritance early ?? "
FUMING FUMING FUMING
Last nights update.
Think I have discovered cause of mum been totally confused/ nasty etc....
Mum said last night, when I asked " have you had a drink " she said " no "
Repeated question again today !! Same answer !!
My sister has been to mums and yep !!!! Was on the brandy which that thick inbocile bought her !!! I am now raging!!!
How many times does he have to be told !!! Do I have to say it in Japanese or Swahili for him to understand the consequences of mum drinking with medication !!
Part of me now wants to ring him and scream " are you trying to finish her off, so has you get inheritance early ?? "
FUMING FUMING FUMING
Give me strength
Absolutely not one word of last nights shenanigans off mum.
Asked her do you remember talking to me.
No said mum
Mum said did I upset you or say anything bad
I said no
Total lies off me, mum not a clue
Somebody give me strength !!!!
Absolutely not one word of last nights shenanigans off mum.
Asked her do you remember talking to me.
No said mum
Mum said did I upset you or say anything bad
I said no
Total lies off me, mum not a clue
Somebody give me strength !!!!
Oh Margi
What a pularlva, I don't know the Japanese, but "hapana" is no in Swahili
He us being very irresponsible, what an eejit
I'm so sorry you are going through this, try to take that deep breath and relax
Sam
The lives we live
Mum decided to talk to me
can we stop fighting?? I asked her to spit out the lemon . We had hugs & all is good again?We had a conversation about money, that old chestnut, she thinks she is broke (again)
She wants to make sure there is something left for me
I've told her she she is fine, she is spending so little, her capital is increasing. She needs to go get her hair done, have a facial, go to the spa .... enjoy it (I'll join her if she likes ). It is what it is, if she saves it & needs a CH, it's not going to me, it's going on fees, so she needs to enjoy the life she has, I'm not talking about frittering it on rubbish, but she doesn't need to be living like a pauper & being miserable either
She has agreed to go out for a meal tonight, so I'll see how that goes
. She's gone off for a bath to beautify herself . I might get a 5 min shower later if she gets out the bathroom I had to laugh, we went to Aldi, but then had to go to Tesco as I knew we would. I did suggest the little she's saved was used in petrol & my ankle is on fire, so not a great idea, but that's life
Anyway. First I get some guy come over & ask me what a cauliflower looks like, he walked off grinning, with mum asking if I knew him
Then another guy grins at me & starts chatting about baked potatoes, mum was bemused, said I was being chatted up
As we are at the checkout, another guy catches my eye & gave me the se**est grin
My ego has been stroked & I'm feeling a bit better about life
Let's see what the next few hours bring
Sam
Morning BK
I've read lots of threads where looking for children is common, some can find a link to real life (TV programme with little boy in it), others have no link. I wonder if it's a memory (false one), of looking after children, combined with anxiety, which makes these episodes come up? Whatever the reason, I think AnnM talked about little white lies of saying she had sorted it, babby was fine, parents were OK etc.
I don't know what to suggest, other than what you did, saying its all fine, you have sorted it. Maybe that you will talk to the parents? Has she got another UTI brewing?
It's worrying about her wanting to go out looking for them, as you say, not safe
Maybe it's the time of year
My ankle is still painful, managing to hobble about & I've driven carefully twice, it's that it not eat!!
My brother came over yesterday, helping me learn about the Apple laptop, as that meant a lot of intense conversation & messing about, we were in & out the breakfast room & up n down the stairs (hands n knees for me), so mum got quite iffy & it was hard balancing keeping her in an ok'ish mood, with listening to my brother.
Brother got a very clear idea of the trouble I have to juggle
This morning I've been told we are going to Aldi's as its so much cheaper & if I don't want to go, she will go alone. Don't tempt me. I will have to go to Tesco afterwards, as I Aldi don't do soya or lactofree
Apparently I wanted to have the family over Christmas, so it was my choice & I can't say anything about being busy & now tired by it all. My own fault, self inflicted etc
She is presently watering the flowers in the lounge, (so that'll be a mess to clear up in a bit), I expect the decorations will be in a heap soon as its all over now. Face like a sucked lemon is back in force
Oh dear. She's now upstairs, stomping in her room, so that'll be drawers opening & closing in a few mins
Can I go back to bed please? I promise I'll be very quiet
Sam
Hi Sam
Glad your brother got to see what it is like trying to concentrate when your mums about
Think I did sooooo much shopping before Xmas, it will be next year before I resume affair with Tesco manager lol
Will go see if lemon face on tomorrow ?? Can't face it today !!
I know she is fine after sister been, maybe a phone call tonight again ???
Mum at moment obsessed with money, purse and keys. Think after last weeks emptied drawers scenario she may leave awhile???
Got grandson tonight, so looking forward to seeing him. Have some decent things on planner we have not watched, so takeaway and phone turned off.
Best wishes to you and your mum for new year x
