You sound an amazing person and i mean that.
I brought my mum to live with me after my sister who lived with her was financially abusing mum via debit card.
That was in oct 2009 , mum now nearly 91.
My husband aged55 died of cancer 2012 and ive just had surgery, started chemo for breast cancer! Like you ive been going to the gym rec by dr for mental state and only slim, Fittest ive been for yrs .
Mum now in temp emi nursing home as can attack when having personal care.
Mum rejected daycare but i use respite fully and had 28 days awarded due to mums behaviour.
All summer hammered mums travel pass , city centre, chester, west kirby , new brighton, cheshire oaks. I was on a mission , mum enjoyed meeting people too.
People would approach me and say .... My mums just been diagnosed. Felt me and mum helping others aswell as enjoying ourselves.
I wish you all the best as a champion carer x
Thank you Ellaroo, I'll take the compliment even if I don't feel I deserve it.
So many threads on here of people dealing with much more than I am, they are the champions, they give me hope that I can do this. I think it's about not feeling I am alone, even if I don't get to meet, I know there are people who will hold my hand & maybe I can hold theirs
I do find that writing it down, talking to myself almost, helps so much. I also wanted to be able to look back & be reminded of the good days, the days when mum seems fine, a slightly confused old lady, but no aggression & no temper
I'm so sorry you have had so much to deal with, it must have been very tough finding out about your sisters financial abuse of your mum, you don't want to believe someone could do that, certainly not to someone elderly or a family member. I try to be very transparent about any spending. I encourage mum to treat herself, but not me
. I don't need anyone thinking I'm doing something wrong. My brother is aware of any spending, although mum doesn't want him involved in her finances, I feel he should know some of it, I'm about to spend over £500 on sorting the downstairs loo, so he's been told about that
Mum will be 82 in a few weeks, she tires easily now, but is too stubborn to admit it
so I find myself suggesting tea n cake when I really just want to get home. For someone who has "watched her weight" all my life, she is very keen on cake these days
Cancer is such a horrid disease, I'm sorry for the loss of your husband & now your fight. There are more treatments each year, maybe one day they will find a real cure, my dad was "clear" of bladder cancer a few times, but each time it came back they found a new cure. His description of one such cure was hilarious, I think his humour helped him deal with it.
I really don't know how, or even if, I will be able to deal with aggression, if mum gets to that stage. I'm not sure I will be able to. My marriage was mostly emotionally abusuve & it took a long time for me to regain a level of self worth. Partly by being aggressive myself, which I then had to calm
. However, I still find being shouted at very hard to handle & it tends to reduce me to tears, so I am crossing my fingers that mum doesn't go that way, as that could well be my line in the sand
I've talked to mum about day care, I'll have to broach it again soon, as I think it will be good for her & will give me a real break. I've got to get another assessment & review her meds too. So much to sort out & so little energy at the end of the day. But, I'm feeling a bit more rested after a couple of "good" days
I take mum out to town, so thankful for the blue badge
as parking is a nightmare, she loves wandering in & out of charity shops & picking up a bargain
. I do have to steer her away from great grandson clothes as she seems to go for pink (ummmm no), or either 12 months or 4 years ???? He is 2, so I find myself saying either, it'll be too big or too small rather a lot
I think she gets more out of just going out the house than anything else, and of course the cake!! Luckily I can't eat cake or I'd be the size of a mansion not just a house by now
I so know what you mean about going out. Keeps me sane, keeps her happy. She does like to people watch
It says you are in Liverpool, would you be coming to the Liverpool retreat? Would be nice to "meet" you. The chance to sit & have a coffee without clocking where the loos are!! Some people are coming for a day to meet up, I'll be staying as its a bit far to go home each night
Here's to 2017 having more good days than bad & the ability to get through the tough times
Sam
