Can I ... Should I?

[Margi29]

Thank you @Amethyst59 and @Amy in the US , it's the complete ridiculous situation of just how many trees can be bought for one person??

Mum just loves to see Christmas tree, all lit with baubles going back years, she's like a small child and it's just so sad. I was listening to Xmas songs today, am afraid turned off tv and decided, get lost Xmas !!

Am now more calmer and will be with mum tonight x

Annoying fact is that invisible brother ( who has not graced mum with his presence since September)
He is coming over on Saturday til Christmas Day and when I rang him to explain what mum had done he couldn't even have the decency to answer his phone !! He will be first on phone though when anything happens to mum !!

@Sam Luvit the invisible never fails to surprise x

 

[Margi29]

Hi @Margi29

I had the opposite with Mum last year. I decorated the tree, it was simple & pretty. Mum decided to add to it. Looked blooming awful. So we had the tug of decorations war. She added, I removed. I gave up in the end.

I wouId offer to pick up your Mum, but it’d be a very long trip. Not sure which (if any) of us wouId survive, but I’m not taking bets on it being me

I’m not sure what to say, your poor Mum thinking someone’s been round taking her tree & you pulling your hair out :-(. Someone needs to invent a cctv type thing, to put in place of the fairy, with a stern male voice (coz they listen to men & hear that better!!), saying “step away from the tree”. I’d change it to “step away from the sink / bleach / washing”.

What do you mean, you don’t carry cement mix with you .... what sort of person are you??? Seriously need to sort out your pockets Margi

Have you tried click n collect from Tesco / Asda etc to replace the tree, just a thought.

My mum has been there and done the addition of complete rubbish added to tree for past few years, I think that this is part of the new stage we are at. The bits of paper, random ornaments etc... were mind boggling

On my return to mums tonight I will put sand cement in handbag before I leave mine, do I add the water too ??

 

[Margi29]

Sister has picked another tree up and two sets of battery operated lights

 

[Sam Luvit]

Blimy @Margi29 yiu mean the invisible will be with your Mum for 3 days & not just overnight on his way to the airport, you are all very privileged

 

[Sam Luvit]

On my return to mums tonight I will put sand cement in handbag before I leave mine, do I add the water too ??

I’m sure you can pinch water from your mums tap lol

 

[Sam Luvit]

At least one present has walked off in the last week :-( I’ll probably find it after Christmas in mums room, or in a charity shop bag :-(

I’ve wrapped the rest, so that’s it for now. It’s a very tiny pile as only Mum & eldest will be here. It’s kinda sad to see

Maybe I should go buy myself something, just so I have something to open

 

[Margi29]

Blimy @Margi29 yiu mean the invisible will be with your Mum for 3 days & not just overnight on his way to the airport, you are all very privileged

Mum will be delighted, golden b*lls lol

Sister in law will do her normal, starting with a drink at 11 ( not just Xmas)

Remember how tight I said he was ?? He has only sent all Xmas cards to the whole family in one envelope, all cards inside with no envelopes !!!! Amazing

 

[Margi29]

At least one present has walked off in the last week :-( I’ll probably find it after Christmas in mums room, or in a charity shop bag :-(

I’ve wrapped the rest, so that’s it for now. It’s a very tiny pile as only Mum & eldest will be here. It’s kinda sad to see

Maybe I should go buy myself something, just so I have something to open

When I see you again, a late gift of honey rum may arrive late off santa x

 

[Sam Luvit]

When I see you again, a late gift of honey rum may arrive late off santa x

In the nicest possible way .... I don’t think I can face that for a while, it’s all I drank for a week!!!!

 

[Sam Luvit]

He has only sent all Xmas cards to the whole family in one envelope, all cards inside with no envelopes !!!! Amazing

Why does that not surprise me??

 

[Sam Luvit]

I hate dementia, I hate Christmas, I hate the whole arguements & rubbish going on

Mum has always been very fair. Not now. Not at all.

I’ve just been told she’s giving a lot to one grandchild & almost nothing to the others Doesn’t want to give anything to the fiancé as only just met her Nothing to fiancés children as not met them this is going to be one seriously messed up Christmas

But she’s giving presents to the neighbours , well, some of them ....

Help

 

[doodle1]

I don't know if you have access to your mums account but I might have had a surreptitious adjustment of presents and bought a couple of token pressies for the fiances children too. I used to use the theme "oh gosh so and so will be so hurt are you sure? Wouldn't it be nice if you were remembered by all the grandchildren as wonderful granny? It doesn't have to be much,mum just to seem fair" I feel for you you do sound as if what was once willingly forgone is now a struggle.sometimes at this time of year being at the bottom of the totem pole is no fun. Love can get awfully strained. Big big hugs and a gallon of intravenous gin xx

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @doodle1

Part of me feels like adjusting the balance, but I’m pretty disinclined as I’d be paying for that & it’s not exactly an option after giving up my paying job. If I tried doing it from mums account, she wouId notice & all manner of stuff wouId rain down on me. I sort of get it, 2 of the grandchildren only visit at Christmas & while they take birthday presents, thank you notes or calls have been in short supply recently

I did manage to get her to agree to big brother, that was met with “of course, he’s my son”

I have sent cash to the fiancés children, they will be going sale shopping to get what they want. If I get anything, I might be able to up that a bit. It just seems so unfair. Big brother & I always got the same, even though he was rarely about. Now it’s like she’s digging her heels in & sticking her fingers in the air.

It’s so out of character for her to be unfair between the grandchildren. They will talk. I’ve let big brother know, I’ve told him I’ve tried. He doesn’t seem too worried. It was a bit awkward saying he’s the only one getting anything. Even his wife is out of luck

Honestly, I’d understand if she was broke & trying to save where she can, but she’s not. She can’t take it with her Seems I’m the only one worried, although I can see eldest being here on Christmas Day feeling a bit miffed.

Roll on next Tuesday

 

[Margi29]

Well here's one idea, the one grandchild who's getting the large amount, tell him to keep it to himself and not tell anyone else.

Other idea, transfer so much of Xmas money to your account and then give out in separate envelopes on their own, away from your mum.

Am afraid this happens in my family, mum favours some over others, but in past previous dementia life, she would give everyone the same. In fact one grandson who has made a new life for himself and family in Canada mum said ' he's getting nothing, I don't see him ' . Eldest granddaughter mum says ' she doesn't care or see me ' she also lives away.

So now I just say everyone has got X amount, just like you did when dad was alive.

It's so damn hard, it makes us on edge and awkward, putting us in a scenario that we neither want or need.
Has you say, she can't take it with her x

 

[DollyBird16]

@Sam Luvit
Get to those shops or on the net, gifts for you are a must.
I’ve done really well this year, got some lovely me gifts and i’ve wrapped them to me.
I’ve been so busy i’ve forgotten what I got me, so it will be a surprise on the day and if (lol - who am I kidding ‘if’ how else will I get through the day) I take refreshments my overacting will come forth and I’ll be so delighted with what Santa bought. x

 

[Sam Luvit]

I hear you @Margi29, Mum was fair to the penny, but now it’s based on who is around. She does have a point. 3 grandchildren live within 5 miles of her, but 2 never visit, the 3rd is begrudgingly & I do the picking up etc. 4th lives away, but calls, visits when able & always calls etc.

On one hand, I’d like her to be fair between them all, on the other hand, I agree with her. Why should they hold their hands out when they do nothing & never even call, never mind visit

I’d like her to be fair for a quiet life for me, but I also understand her baulking at their indifference

 

[Sam Luvit]

You know what @DollyBird16 there was a time I bought myself a fab present for birthdays & Christmas every year (tut husband queried me), I said it was the only way I got something nice!!!

This year, I just want to survive.

I’m doing the sales after The hullabaloo has passed & getting what I want then. Let’s face it, I’ve sorted the others out, “lent” others, so I figure I’ll spend a bit on me.

Someone really needs to explain the difference between lend / borrow & give to some of my family.

Anyone else hankering after a week in the sun? Sand, beach, pool, sea, cocktails .....

 

[Sam Luvit]

Mums been in one today, from money to presents to cards to sellotape . Everything has been wrong & she’s had that “I’m right, you’re wrong” attitude

I’d finally had enough. I’d told her we have sellotape so she walked into a shop saying she was going to buy some as we had none. Couldn’t deal, so I stopped inside the door & left her to it. She was back in 5 minutes saying the queue was out the door, yeah, all of 5 people.

So we get home, she still giving me attitude, having a go, then demanding to know why I’m in a bad mood. I wonder why. Huh

I walked away. I went & did paperwork. Yes it was that bad that paperwork felt like light relief. I came down after an hour & she was on me again. Seriously ??? Told her I was going for a fag, can’t deal with you & walked away

She settled into her soaps, covered the table with presents (for neighbours) & I cooked. It’s amazing how much anger you can take out of leeks & grating cheese!!


As I’m finishing up, she comes into the kitchen (soaps had ended), all little girl & in tears. I don’t want to fight. I told her she’d been horrid & I'm trying my best, I do everything I can think of for her, but it’s not enough. Yes, I hugged her. Coz I’m a softy.


Lol. She’s been thinking, she has decided she needs to give youngest fiancé something, so called him & said she’s transferred him some cash, he’s to buy her something & the rest is for him. Yay. Result


We’re friends again. She’s in a lovely mood & gone to bed


I’m blooming exhausted

 

[Sam Luvit]

 

[Margi29]

Lovely sunset Sam. Thank goodness something has been sorted re Xmas present for your future daughter in law x. I must confess over the past few years before diagnosis of dementia, I wondered with mum if she just '. fancied an argument '

Hope everyone is settled and hopefully finally finished any Xmas shopping ??

The Xmas tree saga continues.....

My sister has got mum a new tree and more lights, not putting it up till Saturday
This is to prevent the recurrence of tree gone , stolen, etc...

Manager at complex whose lounge window faces mums has informed my sister that Monday night she thought she was watching a scene from ' mrs browns boys ' . Mum apparently was using the two foot tree as a duster around her flat !! Now at least I know exactly what happened to the tree initially

Mum makes me laugh, makes me cry, infuriates me to boiling point, but I love her.

I'm praying this fourth tree survives til Xmas day, my sister has bought a four foot tree ( it will be interesting to see mum use that as a duster )