Hello Everyone,.
I really could use some advise here. My 87 year old Step father has heavy on set dementia. He is currently in respite care in a very nice Care home. My mum who has had many health problems herself and has struggled so much in the last couple of years had a massive breakdown. As Step dads condition rapidly going down hill. Absolutely No mobility now. Brain function at an all time minimum. We had him placed in a very nice care home so mum could recover from her breakdown. Mum is a 70 year old beautiful lady who is a 10 year survivor of pancreatic cancer. She gets bouts of being in bed for few days every couple of months with stomach issues.
The step children are pushing my mother to get my step father back in the family home. Their rational is that it would be best for their father to come and pass away in the family home, this would entail modifications on the house. Care workers coming and going 4 times per day. 2 care workers at a time. They cant really give exact definitive times on when they will come....within 1 hour of so of set time. We would need specialists beds and equipment. Also as my step father is double incontinent it would mean that if he goes to number 1 or number 2 and the care workers have just left, he would have to sit there for may be up to 4 or 5 hours at a time, soiled, and to my mind at serious risk of infection, bed sores etc. He also even at the home tries to get out of bed or off the chair and falls down, So again this would mean having to call 111 or 999 depending on how bad it was.
So basically I don't think my mother would be able to cope, she wants to do the best thing for her husband as loves him dearly. She is being made to feel she should do this by the step children and being emotionally blackmailed into it. I DO NOT believe ultimately that this is the best care package for my step dad. Also I think she is being pressured into this, they are trying to say with all the support it will be more than manageable. I as her son obviously am very concerned it will be far too much strain, stress etc.
I would really appreciate comments from people who are going through the same type scenario … These things are always so so hard. I just need some advise.. And really appreciate any input and help in this regard..
Many thanks
L
I really could use some advise here. My 87 year old Step father has heavy on set dementia. He is currently in respite care in a very nice Care home. My mum who has had many health problems herself and has struggled so much in the last couple of years had a massive breakdown. As Step dads condition rapidly going down hill. Absolutely No mobility now. Brain function at an all time minimum. We had him placed in a very nice care home so mum could recover from her breakdown. Mum is a 70 year old beautiful lady who is a 10 year survivor of pancreatic cancer. She gets bouts of being in bed for few days every couple of months with stomach issues.
The step children are pushing my mother to get my step father back in the family home. Their rational is that it would be best for their father to come and pass away in the family home, this would entail modifications on the house. Care workers coming and going 4 times per day. 2 care workers at a time. They cant really give exact definitive times on when they will come....within 1 hour of so of set time. We would need specialists beds and equipment. Also as my step father is double incontinent it would mean that if he goes to number 1 or number 2 and the care workers have just left, he would have to sit there for may be up to 4 or 5 hours at a time, soiled, and to my mind at serious risk of infection, bed sores etc. He also even at the home tries to get out of bed or off the chair and falls down, So again this would mean having to call 111 or 999 depending on how bad it was.
So basically I don't think my mother would be able to cope, she wants to do the best thing for her husband as loves him dearly. She is being made to feel she should do this by the step children and being emotionally blackmailed into it. I DO NOT believe ultimately that this is the best care package for my step dad. Also I think she is being pressured into this, they are trying to say with all the support it will be more than manageable. I as her son obviously am very concerned it will be far too much strain, stress etc.
I would really appreciate comments from people who are going through the same type scenario … These things are always so so hard. I just need some advise.. And really appreciate any input and help in this regard..
Many thanks
L