Becoming my Mum's Carer...

[LadyA]

Well done you! My winter wardrobe will mostly be consisting of OH's cast offs

Whatever works! I looked at my Winter wardrobe, and realised that most of the jumpers I have are so old the shops I bought them in are long gone! Except for an 80% wool fair isle type from Pennys (Irish brand for Primark) last year which was about €20. I rarely shop in there, but I spotted those jumpers, and I'm a fan of wool and natural fibres. So anyway, time for a few new bits - "new" from charity shops if I can find quality stuff that will last, and brand new if not. I find living alone, you need more, as you don't build a full load for the washing machine as quickly! Particularly as I don't wash denim jeans unless they are dirty - I would wear jeans several times and air them out before washing, as too frequent washing ruins them. (or maybe modern jeans are different?!)

 

[LadyA]

Gosh - I've been searching for the "tooth" post! Thought you meant you had started another thread on that! Just found it. Your mum doesn't sound over perturbed (at this moment in time, as the politicians say!), so I suppose you'll just have to wing it! :O

 

[HillyBilly]

No, she's most definitely perturbed lol. As are we!

Fully expecting the full-on, "I'm just an old woman, it doesn't matter if I have to walk around with no front teeth" meltdown again. Fortunately she has a full belly, the fire's roaring, have turned up Lyric FM, she's dozed off and OH and I are creeping around with fear in our eyes

I did suggest to OH that we stick the tooth back in with superglue while she's asleep but he wasn't keen...

 

[Marnie63]

Re the pressure mat HB - I don't know how much they cost, but I got mine via the Social Services assessment, so didn't cost me anything. I'm still using it at the moment. I hate it actually - bloody awful thing, waking me up from a deep sleep a few times a week, BUT the good thing is that I know when it's silent, then mum is in bed! I stopped using it for a good few months as mum got into a routine of taking herself to the loo and even changing wet pad/undies. Sadly now she gets lost in the house as soon as she steps out of her bedroom, so it's back on the mattress again. For a good few months I put up with it ringing very loudly every time mum left the bed, until I realised I could switch it to vibrate! I never knew these things existed until the Social Worker suggested it.

 

[HillyBilly]

Re the pressure mat HB - I don't know how much they cost, but I got mine via the Social Services assessment, so didn't cost me anything. I'm still using it at the moment. I hate it actually - bloody awful thing, waking me up from a deep sleep a few times a week,

I'd be woken up every 2 hours if I have to go that route. That's how often Mum gets up to use the loo in the night

Toothgate. Well, we survived the evening in tact. Worked our socks off to keep Mum entertained and distracted. It turned into a bit of a "don't mention the war" sitcom - trying to avoid any and all references to teeth. When you're desperate to avoid a topic, it's uncanny how often you end up referring to it Watching the Bee Gees on t'interweb was nearly my downfall..."my what shiny white teeth he has"

Found a pack of 70s music trivia cards and Mum decided she was going to be quizmistress...except she kept reading out the same 3 questions, over and over and over and over...we nearly choked trying to contain our laughter.

This morning Mum's shown renewed concern over the missing tooth but we're reassuring and distracting. Actually, the missing tooth has now gone missing for a second time - I hid it in a wine bottle top while we were sitting at the table and now...it's gone Am wondering where it's going to turn up...

 

[LadyA]

Oh, HB!! That acronym "rofl"- has just about come to life, because I almost fell off the couch laughing at that "what shiny white teeth he has"! As it is, I have a headache from laughing and I can't stop! You wicked woman!

As for the missing tooth - maybe you could try "What missing tooth?" with looks of complete mystification?

 

[HillyBilly]

Oh, HB!! That acronym "rofl"- has just about come to life, because I almost fell off the couch laughing at that "what shiny white teeth he has"! As it is, I have a headache from laughing and I can't stop! You wicked woman!
As for the missing tooth - maybe you could try "What missing tooth?" with looks of complete mystification?

Yes that's the technique we're employing. It's very hard to keep up when faced with a gappy grin

Mum seems to have a bit of constipation now. All a bit tetchy. She berated OH for using the eff word. Uh oh, get used to it mother.

Then, we were playing her some Rolling Stones (normally one of her favourites) when she suddenly took off on her frame saying she couldn't bear to listen to any more "woo woo, woo woo" any more.

Gone to bed fully clothed.

Woo woo

 

[LadyA]

Try painting her nails. A good, strong colour, that catches the eye. It can provide no end of distraction from "other matters ".

 

[Kjn]

Oh hillybilly
I do like reading your posts

 

[Harrys daughter]

Morning hb iv had a idea couldn't you tell mum the tooth fairy has been and put shinny penny's under her pillow

 

[LadyA]

Morning hb iv had a idea couldn't you tell mum the tooth fairy has been and put shinny penny's under her pillow

Or a new pair of skinny jeans?

 

[HillyBilly]

Thanks for all your suggestions! Mum's never been one for painted nails but I may try it nonetheless. Is that a tactic you employed with William, LadyA?

Mum got up to use the toilet just as OH and I were going to bed last night. I had to evacuate the bathroom to make way for Her Majesty. OH scuttled off to bed. I hadn't taken my contact lenses out so couldn't follow suit. Well, Mum was in the bathroom for so long I fell asleep on the sofa. Then Mum must have come out of the bathroom and sat down in her armchair and also fallen asleep. OH woke up at 1am, wondering where I was, came downstairs and found us both asleep. He shepherded Mum back to bed and then roused me from my slumbers. Bad daughter.

Of course Mum slept in her clothes all night. This turned out to be a good thing as this morning she was up and dressed, had even combed her hair (whilst looking into the painting that has now replaced the bathroom mirror) so all I had to do was exchange her slippers for shoes and we were away to day care. Bad daughter again.

Warned day care of the tooth problem. Forgot to warn them I'd given Mum 10ml of lactulose this morning. Bad daughter yet again

 

[LadyA]

And were there repercussions from the Lactulose?
William occasionally slept in his clothes - he would just refuse to change at night, and trying to persuade him if he was in a mood would only need to violence, so I let him sleep in his clothes if he wanted to. It doesn't hurt anyone now and then.

 

[HillyBilly]

Fortunately no repercussions from the lactulose and she had a normal BM yesterday evening

Four times Mum got up to use the toilet during the night, starting at 1.30am and thereafter every 2 hours...

Today she's very grumpy and sulking. Refusing to get dressed. And it's a GORGEOUS day out there. In the end I bunged her in the car, still in her nightie, dressing gown and slippers and drove into town to run errands and do some supermarket dash-style shopping. Left her sleeping in the car. Don't know what passers-by must have thought!

She's refusing all offers of tea, lunch, even cake...

Ah well, I think I shall escape to the garden and find things to do in the sun

 

[HillyBilly]

Teagate

I found things to do out in the sun in the garden...mostly pooper-scoopering...strangely, for once, a very enjoyable and engrossing activity

OH and I have been popping back into the house at regular intervals to offer tea, trips to the garden etc - all declined with venom. On OH's last trip back in Mum had a go at him about a piece of furniture (his) that she thought was hers .

We (me, OH and the dog) sat it out in the summerhouse until the sun set - lovely evening here in the west of Ireland.

Over a G&T OH gave me another lecture about lacking empathy in my voice when dealing with Mum.

Then OH resorted to his latest bad habit - a roll-up. I'm an ex-smoker of 3 years now (but am sorely tempted, believe you me right now) so I braved the dragon's lair to escape the temptation.

Found her radio thrown out into the utility room, still vaguely hissing Lyric FM.

Uh oh

Hi Mum, ready for a cup of tea now?

She said, what a bluddy wonderful day I'm having, sat here with no radio, no cups of tea, no food and no company, And then she threw her walking frame at me.

OH came in. Brightly said, Shall I light the fire now?

Mum: Oh yes, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.

OH: Only asking

He lit the fire.

I made Mum a cup of tea and gave her a pastry. She started drinking the tea. Phew, I thought. Maybe the storm's passing.

OH said, there we go, fire's going nicely, how's your tea?

Mum said, don't speak to me like that. And threw her tea at him, mug and all.

OH has a very long fuse but even he lost it a bit at this point (I shall so enjoy giving HIM the lecture about lacking empathy in HIS voice )

The dog and I are in the kitchen. OH is braving it with Mum in the snug.

 

[LadyA]

Blimey!

 

[HillyBilly]

Mum went to bed (without lunch or dinner).
We had dinner.
OH went to bed.
Dog and I lounging on the sofa.
Clippety clop, clippety clop.
Thought Mum was simply on way to bathroom.
Dog and I tried to feign death.
Didn't work.
Mum plonked herself down on her armchair next to us and announced diarrhoea.
In chemical toilet in her room.
Yup.
Dog slunk off to bed.
Don't blame him.
Clean up session.
Me to Mum - do you want to go back to bed now?
Mum: No. What's your OH's name?
Me: Nick, Mum.
Mum: Well, whatever Nick gave me to eat has caused this.
OK...see where this is going...
It's going to be a loooooong night...

 

[LadyA]

Oh dear. Hope it wasn't as bad as you feared.

 

[Amy in the US]

Oh, dear, indeed!

The last thing you need is for your mum to take against your OH. That will make things untenable very quickly. I hope it was just a bad day/sundowning/passing thought.

Not to be bossy or add more things to your list, but I might, if I were you, start screaming for help from the GP/nurse/whoever about the diarrhea. This has been going on for an awfully long time. I am starting to wonder about overflow diarrhea from chronic constipation (I know the GP ruled this out but he's not the one cleaning up the poo and maybe it's time for an ultrasound or something), or IBS, some other bowel/gut problem, or some sort of food allergy. Lactose intolerance? Coeliac? An infection? Pancreatitis? God forbid, colon cancer? A medication she is on? A hormonal or thyroid problem? Time to discontinue the lactulose? Time to get your water tested?

I was joking about your water, but I am running out of ideas. Chronic diarrhea is not normal, and this is making your life hell. You and your mum don't need this!

I'm also very sorry to read about the temper tantrums and throwing things. Sigh.

 

[Amy in the US]

HB, something has just occurred to me. I have been working my way, finally, through some of the Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. It never fails to amaze me that no matter how much I learn about dementia, there is always more to learn.

Anyway, in one of the videos she shows a technique for reassuring someone, that involves a specific way of taking their hand. This is partly for reassurance, partly for comfort and acceptable contact, and partly so they can't hit you or throw something with that hand! I wonder if this would help with your mum when she is, er, stroppy. Quite possibly not, but thought it was worth mentioning. I can try to chase up a link if you wish.