Both my parents have dementia, covid & the lockdown brought us to a bit of a crisis point. Their routines which had kept everything going to some degree went out the window & all hell broke loose! My dad became verbally aggressive to mainly my mum but also to me & my husband. I have just managed to get my dad officially diagnosed (mixed dementia, Alzheimer's & vascular) but my dad is in total denial & refuses to except that anything is wrong with him. My mum is still waiting to be assessed but has clear signs & symptoms of Alzheimer's, she is also quite frail physically. I have had to give up my job as a carer to support them. They need support with medication & now my mum can no longer manage to cook a main meal. I get up at 7am every morning to deliver that days medication, I have to ring every evening to make sure they've taken their evening dose. Sometimes they still miss some of their meds. I'm having to visit them every day sometimes several times a day. I get constant calls from my mum in tears as dad has got angry about something or other & she wants me to do something. When i suggest support options she refuses. I get calls in the middle of the night, dad is shouting at her & wants to throw her out the house. When i get there all is calmer & he's gone to bed, she refuses to go to bed & sleeps in the chair downstairs. I've just organised meals on wheels, my dad says he doesn't want them & I'm getting abusive phone calls from him everyday about it. He says he'll cook his own meals, my dad has never cooked more than a fried egg in his life! I've tried to get care support for them but they've both refused it & dad just gets angry & verbally aggressive at any attempt to help in any way. I'm at a lose as to what to do. I can find no information or support to deal with this type of situation. Everyone & everything assumes that only one partner with have the dementia not both & that the person with dementia will except help willingly. I have LPA's for them both & the Drs seem to take that as a magic wand where I can just put in place any support they both need without any problem. I can't when any attempt is met with verbal abuse to not just myself but to my mother & my father refuses to let me in the house, which I might add my brother & myself actually own. Their case has been to safeguarding but because they are not judged as completely lacking capacity all of the time & when offered support they've refused it nothing changes.
I have extensive experience & knowledge of dementia from my job but when it's your own parents it's a totally different ball game & I've never come up against anyone quite like my father before or my parents situation. I have my own family & I can only provide so much support. I'm fed up of spending all my time on the phone trying to communicate with Drs/nurses/pharmacists etc. I'm fed up of being given leaflets & fact sheets that to be honest are absolutely no help whatsoever. What I want is people to listen, see the issues & put in place practical solutions. Even if the only option is full time care, I want the professionals to stop expecting me to do everything when all I'm faced with is an angry, aggressive man with dementia who won't comply.
I feel like I'm just waiting for something awful to happen to one or other of them before someone will actually do something.
I have extensive experience & knowledge of dementia from my job but when it's your own parents it's a totally different ball game & I've never come up against anyone quite like my father before or my parents situation. I have my own family & I can only provide so much support. I'm fed up of spending all my time on the phone trying to communicate with Drs/nurses/pharmacists etc. I'm fed up of being given leaflets & fact sheets that to be honest are absolutely no help whatsoever. What I want is people to listen, see the issues & put in place practical solutions. Even if the only option is full time care, I want the professionals to stop expecting me to do everything when all I'm faced with is an angry, aggressive man with dementia who won't comply.
I feel like I'm just waiting for something awful to happen to one or other of them before someone will actually do something.