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Ashes

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by KatieRich, Aug 9, 2017.

  1. KatieRich

    KatieRich Registered User

    Jan 3, 2017
    63
    Derby
    Hi all. Just pondering a few things before my dad's funeral on Friday.
    I have been thinking that I may like to have a necklace with his ashes in , sometime in the future. Had a little look on Internet but the choice is staggering. Would appreciate any advice or recommendations.
    Many thanks as always X
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    3,951
    Female
    Scotland
    Why not a locket or something similar with just a pinch of ashes if you want them as a reminder. When my mother died I used some of the money she left me to buy a plainish gold ring with her initials and birth and death dates. I wear it every day and less macabre than ashes - although go for that if you're happy with it.
     
  3. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    8,014
    North East England
    My concern about having a necklace or similar containing Dad's ashes, is just you would be heart broken if you lost it or it was stolen in a burglary.

    My personal feelings were and are, that I am a part of my parents, just as they were part of their families, and my children and my grandchildren carry on the line. I did not need their ashes close by me. They are part of me and my memories keep them close.

    These are my feelings. They are in no way a criticism of you or anyone else who choose to keep their family memory close in a different manner.

    I hope that you have a day that is special on Friday. It may be the end of Dad's life here on earth but his memory lives on in you.x.x.
     
  4. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    Aug 1, 2014
    843
    Victoria, Australia
    I believe it is an expensive process but you can have a 'diamond' created from the ashes which maybe a nicer idea than the ashes themselves. I heard about it from the curator of our local cemetery so it might be something you would like to investigate.
     
  5. KatieRich

    KatieRich Registered User

    Jan 3, 2017
    63
    Derby
    I never thought of that marionq, like the idea of a ring.
    Thank you x
     
  6. KatieRich

    KatieRich Registered User

    Jan 3, 2017
    63
    Derby
    Thank you cragmaid. I had worried about losing something like that.
    I do agree with your thoughts. I guess I will just see how I feel after tomorrow.
    I really hope we do him proud tomorrow, I am (if I can ) doing a reading called "Memories of dad" the butterflies are building already. Xx
     
  7. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,314
    Female
    Near Southampton
    #7 Saffie, Aug 10, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2017
    Each to their own - but I would hate the idea of a beloved person's remains being turned into something as decorative as a piece of jewellery. I feel that those I love deserve to be left in peace. Just my opinion of course.
     
  8. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    Aug 1, 2014
    843
    Victoria, Australia
    I agree with you and personally I wouldn't do it either

    But if that is something Katie wants to do, it was just another option.
     
  9. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    8,014
    North East England
    With regards to your reading.... when I delivered the Eulogy at my Sister's funeral, the Lady Vicar said that she wore lots of hairspray and waterproof mascara to get her through difficult services. That way she couldn't keep running her hands through her hair, and if the worst happened and the dam broke, she was not left to conduct the rest of the service with panda eyes.:)

    Sadly I've had to put her advice into practice a few times now.... and it mostly worked.:cool:

    Tears or not, I'm sure you will have done your best.x.
     
  10. KatieRich

    KatieRich Registered User

    Jan 3, 2017
    63
    Derby
    Cragmaid , that just made me chuckle this morning. Especially the hairspray part.
    I'm lucky these things will not affect me, I don't wear mascara and my hair is so curly if I put a hand in there I won't get it out haha.
    Some other advice someone has said is don't make eye contact with anyone because if they are crying you will too. Did you find this?
    Xx
     
  11. Alibaba80

    Alibaba80 Registered User

    Aug 4, 2017
    15
    Somerset
    Wishing you all the best Katie. My Dad died recently and I wrote a eulogy to be read at his funeral but asked a family friend to read it on my behalf. He did us proud although he too found it very hard. He read it very slowly and one sentence at a time. No one will criticise you if you find it hard or break down, take it at your own pace.
     
  12. KatieRich

    KatieRich Registered User

    Jan 3, 2017
    63
    Derby
    Thank you so much. I'm reading "memories of dad" I really hope I can get through it.
    Thing is now I'm thinking ..my dad will be on my right hand side, do I read it facing forward to family & friends or face right to my dad? Xx
    Sorry for the loss of your dad, so very hard isn't it xxx
     
  13. Red Geranium

    Red Geranium Registered User

    Aug 2, 2017
    10
    You will do what feels right

    One of these choices will feel best I think. You will know. Thinking of you xx
     
  14. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Registered User

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,340
    Toronto, Canada
    If you wish to keep some ashes, and the possibility of losing jewelry is a concern, you could always get a very pretty small decorative container to keep just a little bit of ashes. Something like https://www.parkinsons.org.uk/shop/product/enamel-pill-box which also supports a charity could be appropriate for you.
     
  15. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    5,138
    Suffolk
    The friend who did one of the eulogies for OH stood beside the coffin, but turned and faced it on occasion, even patted it, like you would if you patted someone's shoulder. He did a wonderful job, had practically everyone there in tears!
     
  16. Red Geranium

    Red Geranium Registered User

    Aug 2, 2017
    10
    Evermore glass

    There is a very kind and talented lady in St Ives who makes glass beads with cremation ashes.
     
  17. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    Aug 1, 2014
    843
    Victoria, Australia
    I saw a similar thing when a friend's dad died. There were four children, each spoke about a different facet of their dad's life and as they returned to their seat, each stood at the foot of the coffin and said a few words of farewell. Very moving.
     
  18. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    1,301
    Kent
    It is such a poignant thing to do for someone...the eulogy I mean. On the subject of the ashes...I had a locket with a photo of my husband and a lock of hair...and it was attached to my watch strap...short story, I lost it. Horrible. I like the idea of the engraved ring, if you want to wear something, that would be much more secure. I'm seriously considering a tattoo, for a very precious granddaughter...but I am SO not a typical person for that, so I'm still thinking.
     

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