Any advice welcome

[emily002/]

Hi
Just joined a few mins ago.. having a really hard time a the min, as this is pretty new to me..

my mum went into care on Monday, such a hard week.. I’m struggling it’s 4.45am in the uk. Still awake. Had about 12 hrs sleep in 10 days, when I do sleepi awake with tears. Feel so alone as I feel that on one understands how I feel.

 

[2ndAlto]

Oh @emily002/ I'm sure many many people on this forum understand and can empathise with your grief and sadness. All I can say is I feel your pain and send you hugs from the other end of the world.

 

[Collywobbles]

You have my greatest sympathy as this will be a decision my family is likely to face and I understand how awful it will be. It’s another thing this horrible disease throws at us. Many many folks reach the point where only residential care will provide what they need to keep them safe and as well as possible, but somehow, providing this for them makes us (wrongly) feel like abject failures.

Please know that - despite the whisperings of the Guilt Monster - you have done your absolute best in a situation where you had to choose what feels like the ‘least worst’ option. It will take time for both your Mum and you to adjust to the new situation. Acceptance will come, so please go easy on yourself as you both walk this new path. For now, be content that your Mum is safe and cared for 24x7, which is a huge achievement.

 

[Louise7]

Hi @emily002/ and welcome. It's such a difficult time, I've been through the same with my mum, as have many others here, so people do understand how you are feeling. You are doing the best for your mum and as others have already said, things will start to feel better. It may not feel like it now, and it will take some time to adjust, but you are not alone, you will find friendly support and understanding here and it's a safe place to express how you are feeling.

 

[LouiseW]

Hi - it's quite a joureny isn't it ! My Dad moved into residential care 2 years ago and I can still rememer how utterly wretched I felt for a couple of months.

It does pass and things do get alot better, and of course my Dad (and your mum) settle in, make friends and get the care they need.
It's an emotional roller coaster of a time - and I think that you are probably experiencing grief on top of all the other emotions.

So treat yourself gently and give yourself a chance to process all these emotions, let the home look after your mum and give yourself time for yourself.

You have done a brilliant job, well done.

 

[Calon Lan]

Hi @emily002/

I am so sorry you have had such a difficult week. I have some idea how you feel as my mum moved into residential care about 16 months ago. I found it very difficult trying to deal with all the emotions and the stress at that time. There are many people here who understand, and I hope that by posting you will soon feel less isolated.

I hope you are able to rest and sleep soon. Please be kind to yourself.