Anxiety and fretting
- Thread starter Dutchman
- Start date
Oh Peter how wonderful. Every time I read your posts I think of that wonderful Quaker phrase 'knowing each other in the things that are eternal'. That's how I see your relationship with Bridget and hers with you. There is a connection there that is so deep.
I’ve got to unload this, what happened today.
Last time I was at the home (Friday) she said to the staff that I was her husband, bearing in mind she hadn’t known me as such since last Easter 2019. This, in itself, confused my feelings, that she remembered what a husband is.
I gave them my usual call today to see how things are and is Bridget ok today. They said yes, all ok, not sure where she is at the moment, maybe in her room. The call ended.
Five mins later the phone rings and it’s the care home. They’ve just remembered to tell me that last night Bridget said to the staff that “I’m getting married tomorrow “ ( today) and now I’m completely saddened by her confusion, the thought that she might have this expectation of an exciting day today, and I’m totally emotional about the possible feelings she still keeps for me.
i cling onto any degree of closeness she still has for me but, of course, it doesn’t do me any favours, does it. I can never do anything about it. In fact, because the separation hurts so much, loving affection makes it a lot harder to manage.
I spoke to an Admiral Nurse this afternoon and she said that this is probably Bridget reminiscing about me and the remembered connection. She would probably not remember today that she mentioned marriage.
I want the impossible. She’s there, I’m here.
peter.
Last time I was at the home (Friday) she said to the staff that I was her husband, bearing in mind she hadn’t known me as such since last Easter 2019. This, in itself, confused my feelings, that she remembered what a husband is.
I gave them my usual call today to see how things are and is Bridget ok today. They said yes, all ok, not sure where she is at the moment, maybe in her room. The call ended.
Five mins later the phone rings and it’s the care home. They’ve just remembered to tell me that last night Bridget said to the staff that “I’m getting married tomorrow “ ( today) and now I’m completely saddened by her confusion, the thought that she might have this expectation of an exciting day today, and I’m totally emotional about the possible feelings she still keeps for me.
i cling onto any degree of closeness she still has for me but, of course, it doesn’t do me any favours, does it. I can never do anything about it. In fact, because the separation hurts so much, loving affection makes it a lot harder to manage.
I spoke to an Admiral Nurse this afternoon and she said that this is probably Bridget reminiscing about me and the remembered connection. She would probably not remember today that she mentioned marriage.
I want the impossible. She’s there, I’m here.
peter.
I’m just coasting really, one day at a time. I’ve decided that I’m not cut out for this living alone misery. I went to the home this morning with some nice cakes and expensive honey. It’s all I can do really.
Bridget came to the window and we said we loved each other but I’m not sure if she feels it.......I’m pretending she does. She’s confused and tries to give a cake back to me. I should’ve taken it as it was her way of giving, of being nice to me.
I now dream upsetting dreams. Every night I dream we are together normally and she doesn’t have dementia and she talks to me. But I try to explain that I need to take you back to the home. But why she’s says, what’s wrong with me and I can’t explain because I don’t know why she can’t stay at home with me.? I can’t even escape being upset in my sleep.
Goes to show how much this has taken over my life and my everyday thinking.
Has this happened or is it happening to others?
Bless you all.
Peter
Bridget came to the window and we said we loved each other but I’m not sure if she feels it.......I’m pretending she does. She’s confused and tries to give a cake back to me. I should’ve taken it as it was her way of giving, of being nice to me.
I now dream upsetting dreams. Every night I dream we are together normally and she doesn’t have dementia and she talks to me. But I try to explain that I need to take you back to the home. But why she’s says, what’s wrong with me and I can’t explain because I don’t know why she can’t stay at home with me.? I can’t even escape being upset in my sleep.
Goes to show how much this has taken over my life and my everyday thinking.
Has this happened or is it happening to others?
Bless you all.
Peter
Peter, I do understand, it happened to me, it became all absorbing. I think this is normal because there is little or nothing to replace it. It’s agony. I remember Keith saying to me, I wish I could marry you ... one day at a time. What else is there. Cakes and honey a great idea.
All thoughts and fellow feeling, with love kindreds
I appreciate your quick reply. The horrible thing is that she’s neither with me or without me. It’s like a half way house. I’m on my own but can see Bridget any time but no matter how many times I go to the home I’m still on my own.
And eventually I’ll really be on my own ( in some respects it’s like waiting for the inevitability of her passing away). I feel the love you and Keith had and , of course, you know the rawness of it all.
Of course, who knows, COVID could get me first but then Bridget will be without my visits.
Could I continue to have your help and companionship through the forum. I think I’d be all at sea without the forum
Best wishes
Peter
