An improvement to celebrate

[Rishile]

Only a small improvement but I'm very proud of my husband.

For the last 6-7 months I have had to dress my husband when in the Care Home and Hospital. Since he has been home I have continued with this. A couple of evenings ago we had a long chat and he said that I did all these things because I enjoy them (Yeah - right on). I said, No, I did them because he couldn't do them for himself and I was happy to do them but if he wanted to try, then I wouldn't stop him but I would be there if he needed help. I assumed this conversation would be forgotten very quickly.

The next morning when he got up he reached for his t--shirt and put it on. Then he looked confused as if not really sure what to do next. I helped him with his trousers, socks and slippers.

Yesterday morning he put his socks on, then his t-shirt, then his trousers and slippers. Then he sat in front of the mirror and reached for his comb and combed his hair. I really couldn't believe it. It's the first time he has combed his hair in about nine months.

Before I get too excited - this doesn't continue during the day. I still have to change his trousers following 'accidents' or if we change to go out but it is a small improvement.

This is one VERY proud wife.

 

[Izzy]

This is one VERY proud wife.

…and rightly so @Rishile. This must have given you such a boost.

 

[Silversally]

Only a small improvement but I'm very proud of my husband.

For the last 6-7 months I have had to dress my husband when in the Care Home and Hospital. Since he has been home I have continued with this. A couple of evenings ago we had a long chat and he said that I did all these things because I enjoy them (Yeah - right on). I said, No, I did them because he couldn't do them for himself and I was happy to do them but if he wanted to try, then I wouldn't stop him but I would be there if he needed help. I assumed this conversation would be forgotten very quickly.

The next morning when he got up he reached for his t--shirt and put it on. Then he looked confused as if not really sure what to do next. I helped him with his trousers, socks and slippers.

Yesterday morning he put his socks on, then his t-shirt, then his trousers and slippers. Then he sat in front of the mirror and reached for his comb and combed his hair. I really couldn't believe it. It's the first time he has combed his hair in about nine months.

Before I get too excited - this doesn't continue during the day. I still have to change his trousers following 'accidents' or if we change to go out but it is a small improvement.

This is one VERY proud wife.

Such a pleasure to see your positive post, Rishile. I do hope he will at least continue to do this. A well-deserved boost for you!

 

[Grannie G]

I can feel your delight @Rishile It`s so good to hear.

 

[GillP]

Oh, @Rishile , small improvements mean so much to us. So pleased to read this, thank you for sharing.

 

[scotlass]

that is very good and what a surprise it must have been for you.....It's great to hear of positive things happening...

 

[canary]

Hello @Rishile
That must have given both you and your husband a boost and I do hope that it lasts, but do be aware that it may not do. Ive had a similar thing with OH who was annoyed with me doing things because he couldnt (and yes, that included getting washed and dressed) so he would put a huge amount of effort into proving me wrong and doing these things himself. It was fine with one off things, like making a cake - even though it took him 3 days to make it (I kid you not!). Unfortunately, with regular tasks (like keeping a seizure diary and, yes, washing and dressing) it didnt last because he could not maintain the effort.

It would be lovely to think that this is something that he has relearnt to do, but please dont be too disappointed if it isnt
xxx

 

[Agzy]

Only a small improvement but I'm very proud of my husband.

For the last 6-7 months I have had to dress my husband when in the Care Home and Hospital. Since he has been home I have continued with this. A couple of evenings ago we had a long chat and he said that I did all these things because I enjoy them (Yeah - right on). I said, No, I did them because he couldn't do them for himself and I was happy to do them but if he wanted to try, then I wouldn't stop him but I would be there if he needed help. I assumed this conversation would be forgotten very quickly.

The next morning when he got up he reached for his t--shirt and put it on. Then he looked confused as if not really sure what to do next. I helped him with his trousers, socks and slippers.

Yesterday morning he put his socks on, then his t-shirt, then his trousers and slippers. Then he sat in front of the mirror and reached for his comb and combed his hair. I really couldn't believe it. It's the first time he has combed his hair in about nine months.

Before I get too excited - this doesn't continue during the day. I still have to change his trousers following 'accidents' or if we change to go out but it is a small improvement.

This is one VERY proud wife.

Can feel your elation, well done 👍

 

[LynneMcV]

Great news - I am sure your husband feels just as good as you do about this 👍

 

[Rishile]

Hello @Rishile
That must have given both you and your husband a boost and I do hope that it lasts, but do be aware that it may not do. Ive had a similar thing with OH who was annoyed with me doing things because he couldnt (and yes, that included getting washed and dressed) so he would put a huge amount of effort into proving me wrong and doing these things himself. It was fine with one off things, like making a cake - even though it took him 3 days to make it (I kid you not!). Unfortunately, with regular tasks (like keeping a seizure diary and, yes, washing and dressing) it didnt last because he could not maintain the effort.

It would be lovely to think that this is something that he has relearnt to do, but please dont be too disappointed if it isnt
xxx

I understand what you are saying @canary and I am being cautious. I told my Social Worker about this yesterday during one of her routine visits. She said it could be that my caring is working well and he is happy to be at home and with me. When he was in the Care Home and Hospital, it was generally expected (by him) that the carers would do everything even if he could do it himself. Now he feels that he needs to lighten my load a little. I have told him this isn't necessary but it's the old male pride showing through, I think.

I also give credit to the Care Farm we are visiting once per week. This is increasing his capacity to concentrate on a task for up to 30 minutes. It hasn't been that good for years. The work he does there is light, simple but repetitive (like picking raspberries for example) but he would normally lose interest in about five minutes. He enjoys it there so much he is happy to do whatever they ask him to do - although there is never any pressure to do or complete a job.

 

[canary]

Thats good @Rishile and I do like the sound of that Care Farm 👍👍

 

[sdmhred]

Love it @Rishile

Your journey has really showed us the benefit of pushing for the right treatment for ur hubbie despite the pain u have gone thru.

I find mum hit and Miss with these tasks. On days we’re not in a rush I leave her with her clothes in order and check in every few mins, some days she manages, some days she doesn’t. My feeling is it improves her well-being when she can…and for someone with limited mobility the extra stretching can only be good.

About a year ago she told me she didn’t want to wash her top half anymore….she surprised me last week - when I gave her the cloth for her face - next minute her top half had also been done 🥰🥰

is the care farm run by an organisation ? I’d love to find out if there are others out there. It sounds wonderful 🥳🥳🥳🥳

 

[jay6]

So nice when we can read good positive news. May it continue

 

[Violet Jane]

I wonder whether the medication which the hospital prescribed is helping as well.

It does make me wonder why the medication and the care farm weren't offered by the NHS / Social Services until things had hit absolutely rock bottom and sectioning was necessary.

 

[Sarasa]

So glad things are going well @Rishile. The care farm sounds great, what a good idea.

 

[Rishile]

I wonder whether the medication which the hospital prescribed is helping as well.

It does make me wonder why the medication and the care farm weren't offered by the NHS / Social Services until things had hit absolutely rock bottom and sectioning was necessary.

I think the medication may be helping. I noticed that when they increased the dosage in hospital, I saw 'my husband' back again. I mentioned this to the doctor and he said it was probably the medication and increased it again. That helped even more.

I have often wondered why I had to hit rock-bottom on many occasions before anything positive was suggested.

The Care Farm is privately run but can only be accessed by referrals from Social Services or a School, Community Project or such-like. I can't praise them enough and would recommend one to anybody who has enough mobility to be able to make use of it. It is not just for people with dementia - it is for all disabilities, age groups and mental health issues.

We have two in our area (both private) but they are slightly different, apparently. The other one is more geared to getting fruit and vegetables grown then out to food banks and people in need. The one we go to is much more relaxed. We can work if we want to, we can stop whenever we want to, we can just stop and take a walk around the grounds or stroke the animals if that's what we want. There are numerous places to sit and enjoy the flowers, birds, butterflies etc. They have got used to us now and know we 'must' sit in the secret garden for a while and we 'must' stroke the donkeys. Everything else is secondary to these. They have also assessed my husband's needs and realise he needs plenty of rest time and not to spend too long on one task.

Yes, I have been through immense pain as has my husband but in a different way. We are both now so happy that we are together again, at home. I know a lot of people here thought it was a bad decision but I knew the Care Home was wrong for him. Even the social workers agree with me. They have seen him regularly and can't believe how well and happy he looks.

 

[Grannie G]

This is such wonderful news @Rishile and such a pity these care farms are not available to everyone.

 

[Violet Jane]

I'll admit that I thought that a care home was the only option because your husband had become unmanageable at home and you had reached carer breakdown. It's clear that your husband really needed the medication which he's currently taking and that this is key to you being able to look after him at home. I'm wondering why the Older People's Mental Health Team didn't do more (or anything) before you reached carer breakdown.

I really think that the NHS is failing people with dementia and their carers. Yes, there's no cure for dementia but many of the distressing and challenging behaviours associated with dementia can be effectively treated which makes it easier for people to be cared for at home.

There is a great deal of focus on getting in paid care - and this is of course important - but that still leaves the carer coping alone with challenging behaviours for most of the day and during the night. GPs need to take carers' concerns more seriously and make timely referrals if they can't prescribe certain medications themselves.

I have to say that we were lucky with the elderly friend whom we supported. When we said that the live-in care package which we had arranged for her was in danger of breaking down the health professionals swung into action because nobody wanted her to go into a home. Everyone's experiences are so variable.

 

[canary]

Im another one who thought that a care home was the only answer as his behaviour was so extreme. I have been amazed at the change that the meds have achieved and I too wonder why they were not offered before - it would have saved both of you so much anguish

 

[Rishile]

For anybody that is interested, here is a link to a site that shows a lot of Care Farms across the UK. I can't believe there are so many.

Find care farming and green care services near you | Social Farms & Gardens

Find care farming and green care servicesTake a look at our map or list to find SF&G member organisations that are delivering care farming and green care services. Many of these organisations are either working towards or have met the SF&G Green Care Quality Mark (formerly the care farming Code...

www.farmgarden.org.uk