1. MrsDoyle

    MrsDoyle Registered User

    Mar 28, 2019
    52
    Female
    East Mids
    Thank you all for your support it means so much.
    It’s gone quiet again but I’m waiting for the next onslaught.
    I took him out yesterday to spend hundreds of their inheritance on expensive new clothes and smellies!
     
  2. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    380
    Female
    South East
    excellent :)
     
  3. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,830
    I think that you will find that social services will be helpful for you & a bit of a reality check for your husbands daughter.

    So mental capacity act means your OH should be deemed capable - as he has assessments saying help is only required with new learning etc.

    Don’t feel betrayed- difficult I know but use this meeting to get the social services to explain to her the rights of her father; & your rights as a carer.
    After all this is her Dad & she has to understand the situation as it is - not as she perceives it!
    I think you will find that your OH daughter will have a bit of a reality check & you will find support & advocacy in this meeting.
    Have been through this recently with both parents so I can speak from experience of the systems in place to ensure your OH rights & what can be expected etc.

    ps
    When furious I find bleaching the house very therapeutic!!
     
  4. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,830
    ah the neighbours! !!!! yep my sympathies but I smile & think little do you know ......
     
  5. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,830
    oh my what a rotten bunch!
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,830
    Respect!
    I am fed up of explaining that dementia is terminal, & no mum doesn’t want to go into a care home; so that’s why she has carers coming in!!!
     
  7. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,830
    ironically it’s myMum who penny pinches were Dads concerned! Yet not with herself!
    So I get lovely bits & pieces for him & have all the receipts to show to who ever questions the expenditure. That includes flowers & plants to brighten his room & bring joy!

    As long as I ensure his comfort & wellbeing & make sure that monies are available for all the outgoings I’m not going to allow either parent to be uncomfortable in cheap clothing, or a cold environment
     
  8. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    health visitor says that the only time he needs supervision is if he’s learning something new and for meals and meds
    This made me chuckle so sorry, but learning something new and Alzheimer's seems like an anomaly to me. No something I have experienced.
     
  9. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    535
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    something new? am I reading this right?
     
  10. MrsDoyle

    MrsDoyle Registered User

    Mar 28, 2019
    52
    Female
    East Mids
    Ha ha, I know! What she meant was getting used to the digital dementia clock we bought him. It sits directly in front of him where he reads the paper and has his breakfast and it’s been there over 3 months now. Guess what, he still asks what day is it? I say, look at the clock and he does. Half an hour later, is it Wednesday? (on a Friday) So the clock is less than useless and he hasn’t learned to use it at all!
     
  11. MrsDoyle

    MrsDoyle Registered User

    Mar 28, 2019
    52
    Female
    East Mids
     
  12. MrsDoyle

    MrsDoyle Registered User

    Mar 28, 2019
    52
    Female
    East Mids
    I agree with making sure he’s comfortable in nice clothes etc and I definitely keep the receipts, if only to prove that the money has all been spent on him.
     
  13. MrsDoyle

    MrsDoyle Registered User

    Mar 28, 2019
    52
    Female
    East Mids
    Just to say we’ve had a brilliant night out tonight- with my family! Loads of good conversation and laughter and he thoroughly enjoyed himself.

    It cheered me up because yesterday, he couldn’t work out why he couldn’t get out of the car. He still had his seatbelt on and didn’t know what it was or how to undo it. He was perfectly ok until we pulled up outside the shop and he lost his bearings, then he became utterly confused and then dizzy. I think car motion may play a part as he’s often dizzy when alighting from the car. It took nearly ten minutes to recover to any degree. Later on he was ok again.
     
  14. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,830
    I saved mum the money on two clocks!
    Well meaning social worker who really doesn’t get it! better to say what day the paper is published as that mum understands!
     
  15. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,830
    I’m so pleased those lovely memories become like sunbeams on grey days x
     
  16. MrsDoyle

    MrsDoyle Registered User

    Mar 28, 2019
    52
    Female
    East Mids
    That’s a good idea, he loves his paper. He always refers to his watch but it relies on movement to wind itself up and he sleeps a lot. It’s often hours out and even been the wrong date!
    It’s not just learning though. His daughter helped him buy a new (cheap) electric razor less than a fortnight ago but it wouldn’t charge and he couldn’t work it properly. Before I could get to him, he’d thrown it on the floor and then dismantled it. We’ve had to buy a new one today- a more robust one. He can’t understand why I didn’t take the other one back for a refund.. I’ll have to keep that receipt and we’d best not say what happened because it’ll be my fault he broke it.
     
  17. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,830
    I think you need to channel your inner Mrs Doyle with the daughter!
    Definitely has issues- but not your problem. it’s hard to not react to the pettiness but the fact is some people just need to be ignored !!! & that one sounds like a case for being thoroughly blanked!
    X
     
  18. MrsDoyle

    MrsDoyle Registered User

    Mar 28, 2019
    52
    Female
    East Mids
    I’ll try my best! Thanks x
     
  19. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,505
    You are amazing! It is tough enough with out criticism. Critics need a scapegoat because they are not facing up to their own shortcomings.
    What is capacity?
    It is not always black or white. My husband cannot decide on many things BUT he can on things that matter deeply. Such as not going into hospital again.
    I feel your OH should be involved perhaps they did not want him there not because he would be upset but because if he had been their words and attitude would be curbed.
    Dog in the manger comes to mind!
     
  20. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    535
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    Yes, I bought one of those. The only person who looks at it to see what day it is, is me.
     

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