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Hello JimB
Please forgive me for not having read all your posts and replies from start to now but I was just wondering whether you have POA for Health and Welfare. I remember one post did mention you do it pronto if it's not too late already. I guess if you do not have POA H & W someone is soon going to tell you Mum will have to go in to a care home and will not be allowed to come home even if you would have liked to continue to look after her. In my own experience, I am finding the separation from my Mother much harder than the time when I was looking after her but your caring is very full on and 24/7 or has been, I should say. In answer to your question, I think you are the most unselfish person I've come to know of. However, it is obviously time you were a little more so. I think you will have to get help in whether Mum is keen on it or not. She may get used to it. I think getting the car and hopefully enjoying it will be the little bit of fun that enables you to carry on. You positively need this car. "Too much work and no fun makes Jack a dull boy", however, I can tell that you are the kind of person who would find himself selling his classic car in order to make room on the driveway for the disability access vehicle. I wish all the best for you (and Mum) and hope you manage to get Mum home, stay in control of the situation and find there is a care solution that works. All the best.
Once again I am overwhelmed with the support of the latest posts - thank you all so much and every one of them is gratefully received.
Bambini - your post made my day to hear that the replies have helped you too. Good luck and I hope that the medication for your mum continues to give you some life back.
Armed with all of this information and support I realise how I need to change the situation for the better for both of us.
Apologies for not thanking you earlier but the last four days have been a bit traumatic.
Mum had a slight fall on Friday after going out in the car (the old one still at present -new one in the wings) for the first time since January. I was assisting her over the threshold of the kitchen door when her legs crumbled and she slowly sank down into a praying position with me trying to hold her from behind. Her knees were on the hard kitchen floor and her head rested on the padded seat of the wheelchair. I dialled 999 but they were so busy. After two hours, and several phone calls, my neighbour came home from work and the two of us got mum back in the wheelchair and then to her riser/recliner. The ambulance team eventually turned up another two hours later and checked her over and all seemed okay although it took me until nearly 4.30am to get her to sleep.
We had to have medical help out twice on Saturday when she could not get out of her chair to go to the toilet. This had alerted the authorities and the local crisis support team were brilliant on Sunday getting a hospital air bed delivered in the afternoon and mum equipped with an emergency button around her neck. Her mobility was getting worse on Monday morning and she was in apin with her right knee. I got the ambulance in and they admitted her to hospital and I spent the day with her ensuring that all the paperwork had the same details as mum was very confused with the UTI also coming back again. Luckily the x-rays showed that there was no fracture of the hip and her knee was badly bruised. They are keeping her in until the UTI has been cleared and her mobility improved. It has also been quite useful that she has been verbally and physically aggressive towards me in front of the nurses (apparently she was a bit verbal towards the sister as well !). They wanted to know if this was normal as they were ignoring it because of the UTI. I mentioned her previous behaviour so the memory clinic are going to see her hopefully tomorrow. The crisis support team are also getting carers and a district nurse set up while Friday's meeting with the care assessment can go ahead without mum being here which in some ways is very useful.
So perhaps at the end of the day this might work out well for both of us as it might mean that mum might get a bit more mobile while she will have other women in the house to talk to which ultimately I think will benefit her.
It also meant I slept in a proper bed in my bedroom last night for the first time in a year !. I am installing a bell for mum to ring me if she needs me at night so I can continue to sleep upstairs. It may mean having to sleep on the floor when she first comes back depending upon her needs but the bed pulls up on both sides so she cannot fall out.At last I can see things slowly falling into place. Thanks again for all your hard work and kind words.
Take care all of you and I hope that the posts have helped others,
Jim xx
Hello JimB
Please forgive me for not having read all your posts and replies from start to now but I was just wondering whether you have POA for Health and Welfare. I remember one post did mention you do it pronto if it's not too late already. I guess if you do not have POA H & W someone is soon going to tell you Mum will have to go in to a care home and will not be allowed to come home even if you would have liked to continue to look after her. In my own experience, I am finding the separation from my Mother much harder than the time when I was looking after her but your caring is very full on and 24/7 or has been, I should say. In answer to your question, I think you are the most unselfish person I've come to know of. However, it is obviously time you were a little more so. I think you will have to get help in whether Mum is keen on it or not. She may get used to it. I think getting the car and hopefully enjoying it will be the little bit of fun that enables you to carry on. You positively need this car. "Too much work and no fun makes Jack a dull boy", however, I can tell that you are the kind of person who would find himself selling his classic car in order to make room on the driveway for the disability access vehicle. I wish all the best for you (and Mum) and hope you manage to get Mum home, stay in control of the situation and find there is a care solution that works. All the best.