Alzheimer's partner help me

[GrannyJan]

Hi, I'm really not sure what's going on with my partner. I follow all the ideas/suggestions for activities to help him enjoy life as much as he can but he really struggles with anything physical/visual. Conversations are bizarre, he worries about everything and I can't follow his threads of thought. I didn't think it would be like this as what I read about the disease is different to what I experience day to day.
Please can you tell me if this is the way it goes (I understand everyone follows a different path) but I'm struggling, all I want is reassurance that I'm supporting him as much as I can xx

 

[Kevinl]

Hello and welcome, as I've said many times on here, you have to learn to live in their world when they can't live in ours.
PS whatever you're doing you're doing great never forget that. K

 

[GrannyJan]

Yes, that's a good way of looking at it.
Thank you for the reassurance @Kevinl

 

[Fugs]

Hi @GrannyJan , I don't know about following recommended activities, I just try to do activities that my wife appears to enjoy, hence we walk almost every day, even if it is almost always the same route. From what you write, that would not be appropriate for your OH, but I assume there are other things that are suitable.

 

[Rishile]

Hi, I'm really not sure what's going on with my partner. I follow all the ideas/suggestions for activities to help him enjoy life as much as he can but he really struggles with anything physical/visual. Conversations are bizarre, he worries about everything and I can't follow his threads of thought. I didn't think it would be like this as what I read about the disease is different to what I experience day to day.
Please can you tell me if this is the way it goes (I understand everyone follows a different path) but I'm struggling, all I want is reassurance that I'm supporting him as much as I can xx

Hi @GrannyJan I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I would say follow your instincts rather than ideas on the internet. You know your partner so try and help him enjoy whatever he can enjoy and don't push him to do things he struggles with. There is a difference between encouraging and forcing him to do things because the internet says he should.

Yes, conversations can be bizarre. I have had my share of those but I try to understand what he is trying to say (it keeps my brain working) and it can be satisfying when you work it out. I have read a lot online about the disease but it is nothing like my experiences.

I'm sure you are supporting him although you probably feel that you are not. Just keep on keeping on. It's all we can do. We all feel we are making hundreds of mistakes every day but we keep going - learning as we go.

Keep posting on here if you are worried about anything or just want to rant. We all understand.

 

[GrannyJan]

Thank you @Rishile, he does like going for walks, usually starts asking to go for a walk about 3am 😂 and we try to get out every day , will be easier when the weather improves I hope, its been a long winter.

 

[GrannyJan]

Hi @GrannyJan I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I would say follow your instincts rather than ideas on the internet. You know your partner so try and help him enjoy whatever he can enjoy and don't push him to do things he struggles with. There is a difference between encouraging and forcing him to do things because the internet says he should.

Yes, conversations can be bizarre. I have had my share of those but I try to understand what he is trying to say (it keeps my brain working) and it can be satisfying when you work it out. I have read a lot online about the disease but it is nothing like my experiences.

I'm sure you are supporting him although you probably feel that you are not. Just keep on keeping on. It's all we can do. We all feel we are making hundreds of mistakes every day but we keep going - learning as we go.

Keep posting on here if you are worried about anything or just want to rant. We all understand.

Such a learning curve and every day is different, thank you

 

[Chizz]

Hi @GrannyJan
Yes a PWD can have problems with perception and perspective. My OH had this and couldn't pick up a cup without spilling it, because she hadn't quite got hold of it. Then she struggled with co-ordination and now she can't write or deal with cutlery. However, a "worry pet" such a knitted animal toy is v good for keeping her hands occupied as she clearly wants to do something.
Pictures and images and sounds on TV change too quickly for her to process, so she can't follow a programme. However, there are programmes that have small or short bits to them - antiques road show that deals with one item for a few minutes, or the repair shop - she still likes because each item is short, but the people are familiar to her. We have memory cards that have pictures on one side, and song lyrics on the other. So I can show her a picture and we can talk about it until her mind wanders off the subject.
Music is good - all genres etc - there will something that is familiar that she can enjoy - she hums along or tries to conduct. Interestingly, and just recently she's taken to whistling along to a tune!
Walks - always good for exercise of body and mind even if its looking at the gardens up and down the road.
A little bit of trial and error to see what suits.
Bes wishes

 

[Rishile]

I have recently found Aqua Painting for my husband. He didn't want to/couldn't do colouring or painting but Aqua Painting is just brushing water onto a card and a picture appears. Once the water is dry, the picture disappears and can be done again and again. I ordered some from Amazon and he really enjoys doing them - and there is no mess (Yay!!).

As mentioned, it is trial and error to find what they now enjoy. Photos, music, pictures, talking (even nonsense) can bring them so much pleasure. Be prepared for endless discussions about trees, birds, planes (where are they going?), clouds etc.

 

[maggie6445]

I have recently found Aqua Painting for my husband. He didn't want to/couldn't do colouring or painting but Aqua Painting is just brushing water onto a card and a picture appears. Once the water is dry, the picture disappears and can be done again and again. I ordered some from Amazon and he really enjoys doing them - and there is no mess (Yay!!).

As mentioned, it is trial and error to find what they now enjoy. Photos, music, pictures, talking (even nonsense) can bring them so much pleasure. Be prepared for endless discussions about trees, birds, planes (where are they going?), clouds etc.

Hi @Rishile , I could have written this! Everything you say is our life😘

 

[Rishile]

Hi @Rishile , I could have written this! Everything you say is our life😘

I think we have found this before, haven't we?

 

[LynneMcV]

Hi @GrannyJan, you are doing a fantastic job trying to find what works for your situation - it can be such a long drawn out process.

I found the same as @Rishile. My husband was unable to do colouring or painting as he lost his finer motor skills as the disease progressed - but he really loved the adult reusable aqua painting kits. Basically he could spread water on the aqua paint card any which way he could and a picture would appear. It was very satisfying for him.

I had three different themed kits and gave them away to a dementia care centre once we had no further need of them - they went down a storm.

As has been said, no mess to clear away afterwards. It was a win win situation 🙂

 

[Rishile]

he worries about everything and I can't follow his threads of thought.

Another point here - my husband was worrying yesterday about 'these men' who control our lives. They are trying to 'abuse' us and tell us what to do. At first I ignored it but it really seemed to worry him so I delved a bit deeper. It was 'the men at the bottom of the stairs'. I tried to tell him there were no men in the house except him. No, not in the house. In the shop. The supermarket? I asked. No, the shop.

Eventually I got to the bottom of it and it was the houseware shop where we go regularly for coffee and toast. They have been putting a lot of stock on the shop floor and it is getting very overcrowded and, as they work, they tend to block the aisles with the trolleys loaded with stock. OH felt these staff were controlling our lives. I know it's nonsense but he felt happier once I explained that they were just doing their jobs and it wasn't a personal thing on their part and they didn't mean to cause us any problems.

 

[maggie6445]

I think we have found this before, haven't we?

👍

 

[GrannyJan]

Hi @GrannyJan
Yes a PWD can have problems with perception and perspective. My OH had this and couldn't pick up a cup without spilling it, because she hadn't quite got hold of it. Then she struggled with co-ordination and now she can't write or deal with cutlery. However, a "worry pet" such a knitted animal toy is v good for keeping her hands occupied as she clearly wants to do something.
Pictures and images and sounds on TV change too quickly for her to process, so she can't follow a programme. However, there are programmes that have small or short bits to them - antiques road show that deals with one item for a few minutes, or the repair shop - she still likes because each item is short, but the people are familiar to her. We have memory cards that have pictures on one side, and song lyrics on the other. So I can show her a picture and we can talk about it until her mind wanders off the subject.
Music is good - all genres etc - there will something that is familiar that she can enjoy - she hums along or tries to conduct. Interestingly, and just recently she's taken to whistling along to a tune!
Walks - always good for exercise of body and mind even if its looking at the gardens up and down the road.
A little bit of trial and error to see what suits.
Bes wishes

Thank you so much, I feel very reassured and maybe I'm trying too hard to get it right. I've had a much better day following your advice and keeping things simple but meaningful @Chizz

 

[GrannyJan]

I have recently found Aqua Painting for my husband. He didn't want to/couldn't do colouring or painting but Aqua Painting is just brushing water onto a card and a picture appears. Once the water is dry, the picture disappears and can be done again and again. I ordered some from Amazon and he really enjoys doing them - and there is no mess (Yay!!).

As mentioned, it is trial and error to find what they now enjoy. Photos, music, pictures, talking (even nonsense) can bring them so much pleasure. Be prepared for endless discussions about trees, birds, planes (where are they going?), clouds etc.

Thank you @Rishile for your recommendations and help. He's not keen on the Aquapaints himself but takes pleasure in watching the grandchildren create images.
Your last paragraph is very helpful to me, I appreciate your suggestions and understanding.

 

[GrannyJan]

Another point here - my husband was worrying yesterday about 'these men' who control our lives. They are trying to 'abuse' us and tell us what to do. At first I ignored it but it really seemed to worry him so I delved a bit deeper. It was 'the men at the bottom of the stairs'. I tried to tell him there were no men in the house except him. No, not in the house. In the shop. The supermarket? I asked. No, the shop.

Eventually I got to the bottom of it and it was the houseware shop where we go regularly for coffee and toast. They have been putting a lot of stock on the shop floor and it is getting very overcrowded and, as they work, they tend to block the aisles with the trolleys loaded with stock. OH felt these staff were controlling our lives. I know it's nonsense but he felt happier once I explained that they were just doing their jobs and it wasn't a personal thing on their part and they didn't mean to cause us any problems.

Thank you for helping me understand the 'worrying '. It was always the other way around in our relationship so I find this quite difficult.

 

[GrannyJan]

Hi @GrannyJan, you are doing a fantastic job trying to find what works for your situation - it can be such a long drawn out process.

I found the same as @Rishile. My husband was unable to do colouring or painting as he lost his finer motor skills as the disease progressed - but he really loved the adult reusable aqua painting kits. Basically he could spread water on the aqua paint card any which way he could and a picture would appear. It was very satisfying for him.

I had three different themed kits and gave them away to a dementia care centre once we had no further need of them - they went down a storm.

As has been said, no mess to clear away afterwards. It was a win

Thank you @LynneMcV for your supportive words

 

[Rishile]

My husband was in a dementia unit for seven weeks. I learnt a lot from the staff there who all really understand dementia. I learnt that 'reassure, reassure, reassure' is something that is essential. Even when you reach the point that you think you are sounding false, keep going. They can never get enough reassurance.

I do find that spending some time each day (where possible) talking to my husband and trying to understand what is in his mind and what frightens and worries him and constantly reassuring him of my love for him and that I will always be there for him makes a big difference.

Although they forget the words that were said, I am convinced they remember the meaning of those words so they have to be genuine and heartfelt.

 

[GrannyJan]

My husband was in a dementia unit for seven weeks. I learnt a lot from the staff there who all really understand dementia. I learnt that 'reassure, reassure, reassure' is something that is essential. Even when you reach the point that you think you are sounding false, keep going. They can never get enough reassurance.

I do find that spending some time each day (where possible) talking to my husband and trying to understand what is in his mind and what frightens and worries him and constantly reassuring him of my love for him and that I will always be there for him makes a big difference.

Although they forget the words that were said, I am convinced they remember the meaning of those words so they have to be genuine and heartfelt.