The horrible decision was made that Mil needed residential care due to her increasingly aggressive behaviour. At the time, she was in hospital, under a section 3, so her care would be paid for under 117 funding. The consultant stated that she must go to an EMI Nursing home, because of her complex behavioural needs. So she wasn't self funding, but even so, it was down to us to find a suitable home that would accept her. We were given a list of about 7 or 8 suitable EMI nursing homes that we could try, with no guarantee that all/any of them would accept someone with Mil's behaviour, by the hospital. That was the extent of the help we were given. There was one home about 5 miles away, all the others were anything from 20 to over 100 miles away. We were incredibly lucky to get a place for her in the nearest home to us. I was told that EMI Nursing homes , that will accept Mil's level of challenging behaviour, are scarcer than hens teeth, simply because most (if not all) are private, and providing the care needed at that level is so expensive as to be 'not cost effective'. It is possiby the case that the relatives of the aggressive person, or the local authority are faced with a similar situation. That doesn't help your Dad, I know - but it might explain why its taking so long to find an alternative place for the aggressive gentleman.
I'll add that even though this is a specialist home, there is a chance that they will have to decide that Mil can't stay there either. The aggression has worsened, and there have been many incidents where Mil has gone for other residents. The staff have put stratagies into place, to prevent this happening - basically that translates as staff putting themselves in the firing line. Several have been scratched, slapped, punched or had objects thrown at them over the last few weeks, 3 have sustained dislocated fingers (Mil has a trick of grabbing at their hands and twisting
) and one has had a broken wrist. If she is able at any stage, to 'get passed' the staff and injure another resident, it may be that the home will have to say they can't have her there, for the safety of others. That leaves her in some sort of secure hospital ward for whats left of her life. I can't put into words how bad I feel about her attacking staff and the injuries she has caused - it may be their job, but that doesn't make it acceptable to me - even though I know that none of this behaviour is her fault. The thought of her doing similar damage to a resident is terrifying. The thought of her being in some sort of hospital environment for her remaining years breaks my heart.
Mil, pre-dementia, was never aggressive or nasty. To see a once lovely lady, who was like a Mum to me , change in this way is so heartbreaking. Knowing its not her fault doesnt make a blind bit of difference to the fact that people have been injured, and I can fully understand how the relatives of another resident, should Mil cause that resident injury, would feel, how they would want Mil removed from the home and in their shoes, I would be exactly the same.
Its a horrible, foul illness