Aggression getting worse

[LouiseK!]

My OH gets aggressive whenever I do any house repairs or improvements.

We had a leak under the bath & the old bath panel needed to come off, so I got a new one. I went in the front garden to measure it with the old one as some needed cutting off. Thought I'd be safe. He was watching me from kitchen window. Came out and said what do you think you're doing. I said I was waiting for you to say that, explained I needed to cut it down. Then he raised his voice, you come in here, go through my stuff, I don't want it, it's my house, you bring boys in, other people in here, you're a t**t.

So I went back inside to get my phone, put it on record and placed it on the wall, he swiped it off the wall, and when I went outside to pick it up, he hurled the old panel at me, so I grappled with him to stop him throwing the new one, he pushed me down the steps and hurled that at me too. So I hid the new one behind the bins.

I was shaking, and a man came to our wall to ask if I was okay, I was thankful. He was walking passed. My OH shouted from the kitchen window, go on, F off. When it happened, this was about 1pm, so I went to mams and didnt return until 5.30. He was fine when I got back but I didn't speak to him, I went to my bed.

Sunday morning I locked my bedroom door and cut the panel to size in my bedroom.

We have got a telephone review I'm the morning so I'm hoping they will change his medication. Not sure how long I can put up with is. Has anyone else had something similar?

 

[SeaSwallow]

@LouiseK! I am so sorry you are going through that, it sounds truly awful.
It is good that you are having a review tomorrow so please make sure that you tell them exactly what’s been going on and that you cannot take much more. You could have been badly hurt when you were pushed down.
Please try to protect yourself at all times. Keep a fully charged mobile with you and if you ever feel in danger leave the house and call the police, they are trained to deal with these issues and can contact emergency mental health if necessary.

 

[LouiseK!]

Thank you, I was in an abusive first marriage, so I think that's what makes it worse. Will definitely take your advice, means a lot xx

 

[sapphire turner]

Dear LouiseK what you are going through is truly awful and I agree with the advice above. I also understand what you mean about previous abusive relationships and how our current situation dealing with dementia is made even harder by it bringing back memories of similar abuse. Years ago I was in a terrible relationship that I can now see was coercive control - there wasn’t a name or recognition for it back in the late 1970s. But when my husband now brags about never having hit me it brings it all back. He is verbally cruel and abusive and thinks of ways to punish me, like pouring water on my bed. The massive anxiety that I live with is killing me and I may eventually have to leave. Sending love to you and hope of better days ❤️

 

[LouiseK!]

Dear LouiseK what you are going through is truly awful and I agree with the advice above. I also understand what you mean about previous abusive relationships and how our current situation dealing with dementia is made even harder by it bringing back memories of similar abuse. Years ago I was in a terrible relationship that I can now see was coercive control - there wasn’t a name or recognition for it back in the late 1970s. But when my husband now brags about never having hit me it brings it all back. He is verbally cruel and abusive and thinks of ways to punish me, like pouring water on my bed. The massive anxiety that I live with is killing me and I may eventually have to leave. Sending love to you and hope of better days ❤️

Bless you. Don't feel guilty if you have to walk away, your mental health is so important, hope things improve for you ❤️🥰, Try some self-care, lots of love xx

 

[sapphire turner]

Bless you. Don't feel guilty if you have to walk away, your mental health is so important, hope things improve for you ❤️🥰, Try some self-care, lots of love xx

❤️❤️❤️

 

[Oscar 10]

My OH gets aggressive whenever I do any house repairs or improvements.

We had a leak under the bath & the old bath panel needed to come off, so I got a new one. I went in the front garden to measure it with the old one as some needed cutting off. Thought I'd be safe. He was watching me from kitchen window. Came out and said what do you think you're doing. I said I was waiting for you to say that, explained I needed to cut it down. Then he raised his voice, you come in here, go through my stuff, I don't want it, it's my house, you bring boys in, other people in here, you're a t**t.

So I went back inside to get my phone, put it on record and placed it on the wall, he swiped it off the wall, and when I went outside to pick it up, he hurled the old panel at me, so I grappled with him to stop him throwing the new one, he pushed me down the steps and hurled that at me too. So I hid the new one behind the bins.

I was shaking, and a man came to our wall to ask if I was okay, I was thankful. He was walking passed. My OH shouted from the kitchen window, go on, F off. When it happened, this was about 1pm, so I went to mams and didnt return until 5.30. He was fine when I got back but I didn't speak to him, I went to my bed.

Sunday morning I locked my bedroom door and cut the panel to size in my bedroom.

We have got a telephone review I'm the morning so I'm hoping they will change his medication. Not sure how long I can put up with is. Has anyone else had something similar?

Hi Louisek I’m really sad to read your post we are in an impossible situation with this disease and you really shouldn’t have to live like this your doing the best you can but he shouldn’t be threatening you in any way what medication is he on ? and why is it effecting his mood or is he like this generally I think you need to let people know your situation as soon as possible before he does something serious xx

 

[LouiseK!]

Hi
Things are looking up. The rapid response support team are visiting, with a doctor. They are going to change his meds, and take him out on days so I can get my jobs done, or just enjoy myself haha. I'm getting my life back and he gets to socialise. My son came today and sorted the bathroom out. I'm feeling much better, thank you xx

 

[Izzy]

That’s such good news @LouiseK! 😍

 

[SeaSwallow]

Such good news @LouiseK! Please keep us updated with how things progress.

 

[Ellie2018]

Hi
Things are looking up. The rapid response support team are visiting, with a doctor. They are going to change his meds, and take him out on days so I can get my jobs done, or just enjoy myself haha. I'm getting my life back and he gets to socialise. My son came today and sorted the bathroom out. I'm feeling much better, thank you xx

Would he go to a day centre, I know it doesn’t sound like it but made such a difference for me. I didn’t think he’d take to it but he has.

 

[Kevinl]

Glad it's all going so well, but zero tolerance to violence. Didn't matter when my four foot ten and half wife beat me up, but as I say be careful when someone becomes aggresive.
Please take care. K

 

[LouiseK!]

Would he go to a day centre, I know it doesn’t sound like it but made such a difference for me. I didn’t think he’d take to it but he has.

Yes it will be day centres. We have been using the dementia cafe and a day centre for respite. He loves the cafe, but is getting fed up with the day centre. It is predominantly for young disabled people, so he feels a bit out of it. This new plan is that he'll be with people alike, so hopefully, he'll be happier x

 

[LouiseK!]

Glad it's all going so well, but zero tolerance to violence. Didn't matter when my four foot ten and half wife beat me up, but as I say be careful when someone becomes aggresive.
Please take care. K

Thank you x