1. Moose

    Moose Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    3
    Sunderland
    My Dad phoned me today asking me to come straight over as the police were there, my Mother was getting very aggresive towards my Dad,(who is caring for her) shouting in the street, saying he was raping her and trying to kill her. Two kind people took her home while my Dad followed at a safe distance, unfortunatley one of them phoned the police, unsure of the true situation. I think i'm going to have to take her back to a local hospital that was looking after her for a couple of weeks while my Dad had a break. My Dad really wants her home but somtimes its just too much............
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    When a loved one is at this stage it is about as bad as it gets. You really don't want anyone else to know how bad they are, and certainly having to explain things to the police is not nice. Neither is being looked upon as a possible attacker!

    The sheer terror of being out in the street with someone who is saying things like this has to be experienced to be understood.

    Your bystanders were quite correct to call the police. How were they to know the true situation? They were only trying to ensure your Mum was safe.

    I'm pretty sure the police will have understood the situation, though they will have had to ask some questions to be certain.

    Doesn't make your Dad's situation any easier though.

    My wife would at one stage, while sundowning, open the front door and yell "he's gone mad!" to anyone within hearing. She would also march off down the drive, and once threatened to strip off all her clothes and run out.

    The answers to this were: locking the door, medication, and time.

    Until it is sorted, just keep your fingers crossed. I never found praying was worth a bent washer.
     
  3. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Aggressive Behaviour

    Dear Moose

    My mum is now resident in an EMI nursing home following hospitalisation to establish the type of drug to calm her psychosis. A former gentle, kind and loving woman had become quite a force to be reckoned with, punching dad to the point of bruising and to a pitch where we feared both for him and her. She once swung for me in a manner which Mike Tyson would have been proud of!

    I will not pretend that assessment in hospital was a benign affair and if asked would advise continued visiting despite the medics advice to leave her there for a couple of months - we couldn't and I'm glad we didn't. Your mum isn't aggressive, it's the illness. Your Dad has the dilemma of keeping her at home, at risk to both herself and himself, and you will not be able to rest waiting for the next phone call and awful drama to unfold. If your Dad can bring himself to place mum in a nursing home he'll need all the support he can get, but don't take the first place you see. Take a damned good look around with the help of a good social worker and anyone you can get advice from.

    Although Mum is still 'sun downing' we tell her HER mother - died in 1967 - is at home making an apple pie for tea and she accepts this (on the rare occasions she can still speak clearly), a suitable drug has been found after much experimenting - but don't forget you or your Dad are quite entitled to ask what that drug and its effects are - don't be fobbed off!

    On a lighter note, in the earlier days she would, if for example I was changing her, ask me where Chesca was. When I asked her if Chesca hadn't been to see her she'd say 'that one, no she hasn't' and we'd both agree that I was a swine!

    Thinking of you and your Dad with lots of best wishes

    Chesca
     
  4. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    #4 Jude, Aug 14, 2004
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2004
    Dear Moose,

    When I first moved my parents from close care accommodation into our new bungalow, my father was an absolute horror! He was so disoriented by the change that he became very aggressive, both verbally and physically. I thought for a while that the CPN's had been entirely correct in saying that my parents should have been locked up. He did try to slap and punch me on a couple of occasions and he is still pretty strong. I had to do a spot of ducking and weaving for a week or two until he calmed down.

    This aggression was a horrible shock, as my father has been so mild mannered all of his life and would never dream of hitting anyone!

    In his case, it was the house move that brought it on. Anway, I persevered and the aggro session waned fairly quickly. He is now back to his usual placid self. I do make sure that he doesn't get overtired or over anxious though.

    Don't despair. Perhaps there is a reason for this behaviour which you haven't picked up on just yet? It could be a very small change of routine that has been the trigger for the aggression. See how things go before you take any irrevocable steps.

    In the meantime, it would be a wise move to investigate Care Homes in case the situation gets intolerable. You need to protect your father too.

    Best wishes, Jude
     

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