Hi LolaJoan. Goodness this is hard for you. And such high costs as well. Which must be a worry.
I would almost wonder if 24/7 care was an option if he went back home, where he was in familiar surroundings. It would be a fraction of the cost. Rather than paying double costs, care home & 1:1 care.
Often people get disorientated in care homes. They struggle with new people, different bed, different food, lack of freedom etc. we forget it is huge for them. Many Men, obviously not all, instinctively fight back if they are unsettled. Women mainly go into themselves. I use to work with children with behavioural difficulties. Boys were more physical if stressed. Girls would go quiet. Appear fine.
So the main area of intervention was to find out what created the stress and change the approach, change the environment, give skills and strategies to help them cope.
Its easy to think sedating someone would help. Sadly that is a quick fix that can be extremely damaging to the person, as it just blocks/hides the problem. So i would never recommend sedating someone who needs better support.
It would be worth spending a day with him to see what upsets him. Staff, noises, smells, food, not watching his favourite TV, not going out etc.
Then work from there.
Are staff too busy and so he never gets to speak to anyone. Find times they can get to know him. Find a resident who may like to chat to him.
Is the food not familiar. Take in some of his old familiar food that gives him comfort.
Is it too noisy. See if there is a quieter area, or would he use ear defenders.
Does he get confused? Would he benefit from a schedule that shows him clearly what is happening and when.
Are there clocks for him to see the time? Give him a watch, or place a clock so he can see it.
We forget everything is new. For such elderly people it is really scary to be somewhere different. Having any element of Dementia, even more scary.
But i do wonder if 24/7 care was cheaper at his own home, and could be more settling for him, if you found the right care agency. If he can afford 6k month, it gives you a huge option of choices.
Otherwise, check out if the care staff are trained enough in calming agitated adults. Often they can, without meaning to , create problems as they are simply needing to do jobs. So they miss causes of stress. Dont realise how hard change is for elderly residents. Some elderly people love being in a care home. Love the company. Others seriously struggle.
Relaxation sessions and massage are other areas to consider. Stress balls, calming music, weighted blankets can all help reduce stress. Plus a familiar chair. Familiar photos.
Just giving you a starting point. Others on the forum will equally have loads of ideas. Its finding what works for your dad. We are all different.