I'm a remote carer. Social services say my father doesn't need enough help for them to get involved (they came round and did an emergency assessment at a medical professionals request when I wasn't there). He gets full attendance allowance but can't fund more than say four hours of good quality private care. He is low vision and today I find he has been administering eye drops using nail fungus brushes and widening the holes of the droppers with a drill bit. He says a lady came in and told him to do it this way. He can no longer work his phone, can't work a washing machine and can't manage kitchen hygiene. He can't walk further than the end of the road and is unstable on his feet. Social services are coming back round. Any tips for what I can say to get him help please? I'm hoping for visits twice a day to manage medication, social interaction, keep kitchen hygienic, help put washing on and check he hasn't fallen. It doesn't feel like a lot to be asking for does it?
A little rant as I need advice
- Thread starter Spottydog
- Start date
Sounds like your ss are similar to the ones I encountered initially. All they were interested in was how much money does she have
I had to raise a safeguarding issue with the Dementia support crisis team. They did get ss involved but they weren’t much use at all in fact they made a bad situation worse.
I found admiral nurses more use, more helpful and had better information. Book a call back on their website & explain everything to them - they will point you in the right direction & support you as well as the patient.
Mum had a no injuries fall & after 3 weeks in hospital is now in an assessment unit to gauge the care she needs going forward. Fortunately it is nearer to us than her home so different social worker.
What a difference! This one actually helps, is informative & very proactive.
Guess it’s luck of the draw where you live & which one you get.
Her local ones were “I’ve ticked all the boxes” and then your left on your own.
There’s many of us here that have been where you are now & I do not understand why these ‘professionals’ lack the ability to listen or even understand your need of additional help.
Maybe it’s down to us not asking for help soon enough, waiting till we are unable to cope, fearing we are overloading the system.
But good luck, be persistent if you’re not happy. It’s not as easy as it could be to get the help you need, and as many will confirm on here it often takes a ‘crisis’ to get anywhere.
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Hello @Spottydog it sounds like when social services visited last time, when you weren't there, your father may well have told them that he didn't need help and was managing fine. It's good that they are coming to do another assessment, please make sure that you tell them what you have told us above about how he is trying to administer his eyes drops, his poor vision, instability when walking, risk of falls, going out on his own, his unhygienic environment and inability to call for help if he needs it. Impress on them that your father is vulnerable and at risk of harm. It sounds like your father would need more than two visits a day to keep him safe so it might be better to make sure that you detail everything that places him at risk rather than specify the actual number of visits that you would like. Regular visits from a district nurse to administer his eye drops may be necessary too if he is not able to administer these himself, so perhaps speak to his GP about that if you haven't already. I would suggest writing everything down before the meeting as a prompt for yourself so that you don't forget to cover anything, and keep repeating to the social worker that your father is at risk of harm. As mentioned above, you will need to be persistent but good luck, let us know how you get on.
Thank you for replying to my rant. Yes the GP said district nurses would help with drops but they said they couldn't as they only deal with short term needs. But they agreed he did not have capacity and set the social services ball rolling saying we should definitely get help and they would be there to advocate for him. In the event the district nurse did not attend, they asked leading questions and it seems if you have a fridge with milk in (provided by me) and a wet flannel on the sink you are doing all right.
Thank you, I hope your mum gets the care she needs. I certainly did feel like the boxes were ticked, like 'we saw he has a bus pass therefore can get around'. Didn't ask him if he could actually get safely on a bus and understand the timetable.Sounds like your ss are similar to the ones I encountered initially. All they were interested in was how much money does she have
I had to raise a safeguarding issue with the Dementia support crisis team. They did get ss involved but they weren’t much use at all in fact they made a bad situation worse.
I found admiral nurses more use, more helpful and had better information. Book a call back on their website & explain everything to them - they will point you in the right direction & support you as well as the patient.
Mum had a no injuries fall & after 3 weeks in hospital is now in an assessment unit to gauge the care she needs going forward. Fortunately it is nearer to us than her home so different social worker.
What a difference! This one actually helps, is informative & very proactive.
Guess it’s luck of the draw where you live & which one you get.
Her local ones were “I’ve ticked all the boxes” and then your left on your own.
There’s many of us here that have been where you are now & I do not understand why these ‘professionals’ lack the ability to listen or even understand your need of additional help.
Maybe it’s down to us not asking for help soon enough, waiting till we are unable to cope, fearing we are overloading the system.
But good luck, be persistent if you’re not happy. It’s not as easy as it could be to get the help you need, and as many will confirm on here it often takes a ‘crisis’ to get anywhere.
Hello @Spottydog
like louise7, I too was thinking it was likely that your dad had told SS that he didnt need any help. The fact that they are coming back says to me that they were not entirely fooled!
make sure that they know the full extent of your dads problems. If you dont like to say in front of him, then doorstep them before they come in or ask them to help you make some tea, but make sure they hear the true extent of his problems, nit just your dads version
like louise7, I too was thinking it was likely that your dad had told SS that he didnt need any help. The fact that they are coming back says to me that they were not entirely fooled!
make sure that they know the full extent of your dads problems. If you dont like to say in front of him, then doorstep them before they come in or ask them to help you make some tea, but make sure they hear the true extent of his problems, nit just your dads version
Frustrating they ‘believe’ the patient when they clearly lack capacity. Definitely give Admiral nurses website a look.
Thank you. Because he was referred by a medical professional I thought it would be straightforward. Silly me. He already thinks he has carers in, as it was one of these ladies who instructed him to put fungal nail brushes into his eyes. I was horrified to say the least and said we would need to tell people in authority what these ladies had been doing whilst in his house.
Hello, I heard today that my father has been approved for two visits a day which is great news. I think its being out in place quickly because of safeguarding issues. Now on to the next challenge/worry of making it a positive experience for everyone. Its all new to me and him so not sure what to expect....
It can be difficult to get care approved, so well done on persisting.
In terms of how to position it, does your dad acknowledge/admit he finds some things difficult now? (Not necessarily the things he obviously does need help with!) When I got carers in for my mother I told her a nice lady would be coming to help her with things she was finding difficult, like carrying heavy shopping - she was happy to accept that type of help. Obviously the carer then did lots of other things and my mother got used to the idea.
If it's care via Social Services the visits are quite short (20 minutes I think?) so they will be limited in what they can do but hopefully will cover the basics.
In terms of how to position it, does your dad acknowledge/admit he finds some things difficult now? (Not necessarily the things he obviously does need help with!) When I got carers in for my mother I told her a nice lady would be coming to help her with things she was finding difficult, like carrying heavy shopping - she was happy to accept that type of help. Obviously the carer then did lots of other things and my mother got used to the idea.
If it's care via Social Services the visits are quite short (20 minutes I think?) so they will be limited in what they can do but hopefully will cover the basics.
Thank you.... My dad agreed with the mental health assessor that he needed help but clammed up with social services. I think there was quite a difference in the way they spoke to him. Social services havent told me anything precise about the provision but I spoke directly to the care agency and they confirmed two thirty minute visits a day. They sounded very nice and I could tell they were taking notes, e.g. about where his medication is kept. First visit is tomorrow. I've told my dad to expect a visit from a lady who will help him with his medication. Hopefully he will take to it, not least for my sake 😊
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