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A lifelong friend and me

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
504
Oh, Palerider, I'm just catching up on a few threads and sorry to read about your mum and having to have the DNAR conversation with the Doctor. but as others have said, better to have the crisis before, than when you're at a crisis point.
More troubles with SS too about the housing. I've just been in touch with an estate agent to start the process of selling mum's house and i feel it will take a while to get things started, let alone complete a sale, so totally unrealistic to expect this done in 12 weeks. It will take however long it does and i expect SS will just have to wait.
Take care, and I hope you manage to meet up with your friends.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,628
Bedford
I really hope this run of bad news stops and something positive happens soon to give you some strength back. Glad to hear your Mum is doing ok and the visits are good. Whether you rested or met up with your friends I hope your day went well
 
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Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
Thanks everyone for you repeated support in which have not been the best of times of late.

I finally got in the car and drove down and nearly turned back, but carried on. I think I was 50/50 on being there and forgot L was also going through a rough time so most of the conversation was about her divorce, the kids and the house. Anyway I understandably listened and we got to the end of lunch and as we got in our cars Emma called me 'lets go for another coffee and catch up' -I felt relieved!!

Anyway we had a long chat. Emma was a cardiothoracic practitioner in NZ before coming to the UK and she was completely in agreement over the pacemaker decision. We talked about mum and how this has all panned out. I told her about the house, which I didn't want to, telling friends is very different to being anom on a forum, but I think I needed to tell someone as there hasn't been any support at home. After that we went to the shops for a while and I had to get mum some hair rollers. It was quite funny walking around in superdrug looking at womens hair rollers and choosing a little bag to put them all in only to be served by a guy wearing a pink cape and mask :rolleyes: -for a moment I thought it was Pride week.

So I am back home today and have got down to the nitty gritty of needing to start packing things in boxes, because whatever happens now everything needs to be ready to go and I don't want to leave anything behind
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
So glad you managed to get out and that your friend Emma was a star again.
Thanks @Sarasa -its very true a problem shared is a problem halved and Emma is amazingly good to talk to, but she also told me her concerns about her mum who again has been unwell and how it all might pan out for her
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
I visited mum who now sleeps most of the time and even talks with her eyes closed. She was blue to her fingers again and had a purply blue tinge to her lips -I was thinking please don't go yet, I'm not ready to let go :(

I have now sought advice over the current issues and the best way to deal with all of this mess re: the property etc. Once I know the state of play I'll post the outcome as it may help others in the same boat.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
I went to visit mum and she had perked up, but hadn't slept all night as she was wandering. But for now she is carrying on as best she can in her own world. I had to get her changed as she was adament she would not let the carers help her. Within 10 mins the job was all done. She had two pairs of trousers on which were soaked. I managed to get her to wear a pad which is a small miracle as she had her lunchtime water tablet. She gave me a big smile and seemed content and quite happy. Put the TV on for her and Puss-in-Boots was on and she took to watching it straight away and I left.

I'm exhausted to be honest and now sorting out how this will all end in terms of mums property and care fees. There are some things going here which are actually quite bad from the LA, I wil post the exact nature of those things when I have sought clarification as there are some issues around no provision for equity release schemes in the Care Act 2014
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
Well there is a light of the end of the tunnel, be it a dim one. Re-homing is looking more promising and advised to contact the housing team once an offer is in on the property. The other issue is deciding on how best to proceed with the LA who rightly want to know how mums fees are to be paid. So I am buying time until I have spoken with a legal advisor and then make the decision. This would have all been so much easier without an equity release in the way -I feel like screaming at times
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,644
South coast
Im sorry you are so stressed, Simon.
I do hope the light at the end of the tunnel gets closer and you can see your way through it all.
Equity release is very seldom a good idea. I see all the adverts and think, please dont do it. It wouldnt surprise me if it becomes the next PPI scandal
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
879
Hi @Palerider, you have certainly been dealt a rough hand with the property sale. Very sensible to get legal advice, at the end of the day the LA are wholly reliant on you progressing matters (any other solution is extremely costly for them) many of the property sales go on for a considerable time (due to the legalities of ownership etc) in reality the LA will wait either by securing a deferred payment on the property or just accepting that it will take a reasonable length of time where there are legal complications - as long as there is intention to sell. At the end of the day in instances where they have to take legal action to enforce the sale it can take years, so there would normally be a recognition of give and take in the process. I'm sure your Solicitor will have dealt with similar situations previously and will be able to provide the reassurance needed for all parties. It is certainly a worry you can do without.

Sounds more promising on your own housing situation though 👍 👍

It sounds as though Mum is content which must be good to see.

All the best.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
Im sorry you are so stressed, Simon.
I do hope the light at the end of the tunnel gets closer and you can see your way through it all.
Equity release is very seldom a good idea. I see all the adverts and think, please dont do it. It wouldnt surprise me if it becomes the next PPI scandal
The amount of capital lost in these schemes is shocking and I reaaly feel that these do need to be addressed -its legalised fraud
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
Hi @Palerider, you have certainly been dealt a rough hand with the property sale. Very sensible to get legal advice, at the end of the day the LA are wholly reliant on you progressing matters (any other solution is extremely costly for them) many of the property sales go on for a considerable time (due to the legalities of ownership etc) in reality the LA will wait either by securing a deferred payment on the property or just accepting that it will take a reasonable length of time where there are legal complications - as long as there is intention to sell. At the end of the day in instances where they have to take legal action to enforce the sale it can take years, so there would normally be a recognition of give and take in the process. I'm sure your Solicitor will have dealt with similar situations previously and will be able to provide the reassurance needed for all parties. It is certainly a worry you can do without.

Sounds more promising on your own housing situation though 👍 👍

It sounds as though Mum is content which must be good to see.

All the best.
yes I am grateful the one thing that is most important is that mum is ok, settled, happy and content -if that wasn't the case I think I would be in heap by now 🤪

Resolve will come but it means sitting this out until a clear pathway arises and then finally moving forward.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
PLEASE NOTE THIS NOT LEGAL ADVICE BUT LEGAL CLARIFICATION:

Right I now have some legal clarification on the lack of provision in the Care Act 2014 for equity release schemes and inherent issues being forced by the LA to sell without due regard for process.

This matter is very complicated because it means that the LA will only protect their interests and may well not advise of the legal options. To date there is no provsion under the Care Act 2014 on the decisions made around equity release and LA funding, it remains untested ground and reverts to case law as there is no overriding law or principle (guidance) in law. This means taking the matter to the courts to decide if carers are willing to do so. In the current scheme carers have felt intimidated by the process and therefore not taken this matter to the courts. This is unfortunate as the few cases that have gone forward have won.

The advisor also felt that given mum is due a full CHC funding review in few weeks time the LA were being unecessarily heavy handed in forcing matters against which the decision of CHC funding is not yet known and therefore no decisions can be made until that assessment has taken place, regardless of the LA's assumed intent.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
A response from the MP finally on housing -will help as much as they can. Not great, making sure I take my meds nothing much else to say
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
879
it means that the LA will only protect their interests
Morning @Palerider, surely their 'best' interests would be to maximize the proceeds of sale? You would hope they would apply a sensible approach where someone is actively looking at disposal. So sorry you are having to go through all of this. It is absolutely heartbreaking having to sell Mum's house and dispose of belongings without this layered on top. All I can say is try to stay strong, I am just hoping you get some good news on your own housing situation too. All the best.