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A lifelong friend and me

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
875
Hi @Palerider, an awful discussion none of us ever want to have. Mine was a straightforward decision as Mum had always expressed that wish to me when we went through similar with Dad (and decided on the same outcome) - that said the discussion wasn't any easier. It's been a pretty rough couple of weeks for you, I hope you have some time to decompress and recover. It was warming to read that your Mum was happy in her return to the home - that is what it is all about now. I wish you all the best - take care of yourself.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,757
South East
I’m sorry or hear @Palerider of the last couple of days . Glad to hear mum is back in ch and perked up. What a difficult meeting and decisions you have had to make , I think it’s better that you have been able to do it now rather than I’m a crisis . I have been thinking about this a lot recently with my own mum. I wish you some less bumpy days ahead . Take care . X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,757
South East
I’m sorry or hear @Palerider of the last couple of days . Glad to hear mum is back in ch and perked up. What a difficult meeting and decisions you have had to make , I think it’s better that you have been able to do it now rather than I’m a crisis . I have been thinking about this a lot recently with my own mum. I wish you some less bumpy days ahead . Take care . Xx
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,796
I had a similar conversation with my mum's GP a few weeks ago. As mum is pretty healthy physically (though her recent falls are a worry) it all felt very theoretical and therefore not too distressing. I'm glad the debate about end of life care has been opened now, rather than in a crisis.
It's good to hear your mum is still enjoying herself @Palerider despite the trip to A&E and her health problems. Hope you get to have a bit of a rest over the rest of your week off.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,995
North West
I had a similar conversation with my mum's GP a few weeks ago. As mum is pretty healthy physically (though her recent falls are a worry) it all felt very theoretical and therefore not too distressing. I'm glad the debate about end of life care has been opened now, rather than in a crisis.
It's good to hear your mum is still enjoying herself @Palerider despite the trip to A&E and her health problems. Hope you get to have a bit of a rest over the rest of your week off.
I think we have to be realistic @Sarasa -mum originally told her old GP that she would want to be recuscitated etc, but that was 4 years ago and now things have changed considerably. I think its important to make the decision a timely one and now is that time. Tough knowing that the end may come now at any time as mum is not for a pacemaker.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,995
North West
I’m sorry or hear @Palerider of the last couple of days . Glad to hear mum is back in ch and perked up. What a difficult meeting and decisions you have had to make , I think it’s better that you have been able to do it now rather than I’m a crisis . I have been thinking about this a lot recently with my own mum. I wish you some less bumpy days ahead . Take care . Xx
Whatever will be will be @Woohoo, how mum fairs now is out of our hands just hope that whatever happens leads to a peaceful end :)
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,995
North West
Hi @Palerider, an awful discussion none of us ever want to have. Mine was a straightforward decision as Mum had always expressed that wish to me when we went through similar with Dad (and decided on the same outcome) - that said the discussion wasn't any easier. It's been a pretty rough couple of weeks for you, I hope you have some time to decompress and recover. It was warming to read that your Mum was happy in her return to the home - that is what it is all about now. I wish you all the best - take care of yourself.
I think the last 5 months have been a real rollercoaster just as I had began to relax a little things have escalated again.

I couldn't see any point now in moving forward with a pacemaker when mums outcome will be a slow death from Alzheimer's disease -a dying brain -why make her endure this with the added problem of a failing heart? There is a time and a place for intervention, and that has now passed. Muim is lucky in that she has someone that knows her wishes and she has always maintianed 2 things about what may come when she had clarity about her Alzheimer's

1. She did not want to continue to the point of loosing completely as she used to say 'her marbles', and​
2. She hoped she would leave this world in her sleep​
I can't do anymore now, it is time to allow those two things to take place as there is nothing left to offer here as much as I feel angry and upset, its time to face the reality of what nature throws at us.

I will carry on knowing that I have done everything that I can do and from now on it will all just be about making mum a happy old lady at the end of her life. Tomorrow is another day ;)
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
937
High Peak
I think the last 5 months have been a real rollercoaster just as I had began to relax a little things have escalated again.

I couldn't see any point now in moving forward with a pacemaker when mums outcome will be a slow death from Alzheimer's disease -a dying brain -why make her endure this with the added problem of a failing heart? There is a time and a place for intervention, and that has now passed. Muim is lucky in that she has someone that knows her wishes and she has always maintianed 2 things about what may come when she had clarity about her Alzheimer's

1. She did not want to continue to the point of loosing completely as she used to say 'her marbles', and​
2. She hoped she would leave this world in her sleep​
I can't do anymore now, it is time to allow those two things to take place as there is nothing left to offer here as much as I feel angry and upset, its time to face the reality of what nature throws at us.

I will carry on knowing that I have done everything that I can do and from now on it will all just be about making mum a happy old lady at the end of her life. Tomorrow is another day ;)
I love this. Shows how much you love your mum :)
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,995
North West
Woke early and I think the aftermath of the last few days is is kicking in -feeling blah and still oddly trying to make sense of what happened even though I know what happened and why.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,757
South East
I’m not at all surprised you feel blah , perfectly normal . I do tend to re run everything , my way of making it clear in my own mind . Please do be gentle with yourself , you deserve the same kind care and love that you afford your lovely mum. X
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,995
North West
I’m not at all surprised you feel blah , perfectly normal . I do tend to re run everything , my way of making it clear in my own mind . Please do be gentle with yourself , you deserve the same kind care and love that you afford your lovely mum. X
Thanks -you just made me think of my gran who would say 'don't waste a moment of your day, get on with things and don't miss opportunities'
With that it mind I am off to have breakfast, read the papers (which I haven't done in eons) and later put my smiley face on for mum and maybe take her out for a drive and of course some cake. No point sitting her feeling glum as much as I feel like that it won't achieve a thing -cheers @Woohoo
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,757
South East
Well that’s a great idea , can’t think of anything better than some time with mum and cake ! My two favourite things in the world . Enjoy a peruse of the papers too. X
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
741
@Palerider - I have been catching up with your thread and am sorry for the turn of events.
These decisions are so hard to make but it is clear that you want the best for your Mum, taking into account what she wanted. I don't think you can do any more and I hope I am as brave as you when the time comes. I hope you are able to get out for tea and cake (Mummy's favourite is carrot cake) and that you manage to find a bit of time for yourself.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,596
South coast
I couldn't see any point now in moving forward with a pacemaker when mums outcome will be a slow death from Alzheimer's disease
I honestly think I would make the same choice in your position.
OH is in hospital with continued blood in his urine, despite the UTI gone and having had several bladder irrigations. The doctors are talkng about "dangerously low" sodium levels and he has had scans to see if anything else shows up.
It may all be nothing, but Ive started to think "what if" and what should I decide, about him too.

Its a tough choice though, and Im not surprised that you have been feeling rubbish. I hope today was a nice day with your mum. It has been lovely and sunny here - I dont know about where you are, though.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,995
North West
Well there I was driving in to see mum having adjusted to everything for now and that things can't get much worse this week and then my phone rings -council number.....hmmm who's that? So to finish me off and make me feel utterly done in it was the LA finance assessor wanting to catch up and it seems there has been some confusion, the count down has started as they have mum down as now in long term care, which means I have less than 12 weeks to sell up and find somewhere to live. To be honest I felt physically sick because ,mums SW hadn't told me that this was now 'it' and mum as far as they are concerned in long term care. I have returned home with beer, a copious amount of fags and have decided that tonight this can all wait till tomorrow because frankly I don't care anymore 😑
 

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