Changes
The changes are happening very slowly, drip, drip, drip.
Stamina is very low, a short walk is exhausting. Even a walk to the bus stop is tiring and, bearing in mind we have to pass only 14 houses to the top of our avenue, then we cross a road and the bus stop is there. It is a very short walk.
Dhiren rarely sleeps during the daytime, so needs quite a lot of attention, unless he is reading the papers. That`s all that seems to interest him. He now goes to bed between 9pm and 10pm and sleeps the clock round. He occasionally wakes during the night and passes a comment. Last night he could see a spider on the ceiling. There was no light for him to see the spider.
He is always tired when he wakes in the morning.
He gets very upset about some items of news . This morning he was upset about the millionaire who shot himself his wife and his daughter, and set fire to the house. He was then concerned about our neighbours and whether or not this could have happened to us. He worried that if we had lived next door to the millionaire we could have been caught up in the shooting or the fire.
The anxiety stayed with him all morning and he looked in a state of shock. He was upset and subdued.
He rarely misses a period of sundowning and I am finding it so hard to go with the flow. It really gets me down.
This afternoon/evening was no exception. More of the same, worrying he had no money, resentful I managed his pension, wanting to see bank statements, cross his name wasn`t on the statement, needing to go home, having no family here, wanting lengthy discussions about money but unable to understand the content of any discussion, head in hands, tortured expression, unhappy, mixed up very confused.
And afterwards so apologetic, so sorry for causing upset, asking to see the doctors, asking to see a herbalist, asking how he can get help. And I told him the people who visit are trying to help him. If he attended the day centre with them it could help him. It would stimulate him, give him a change of scene, a change of company, do him good.
But he didn`t want to know. He said the day centre can`t help him, no-one can help him, it is up to him. He will take himself in hand, try to control his behaviour. I told him I didn`t blame him. I knew he couldn`t control himself. It was not his fault. However upset I got, I never blamed him as I knew it was sundowning and he couldn`t help himself. So he asked for more medication to `calm him down`. He said he will happily take more medication to calm him down.
And he said `Alzheimers is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.`
