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A life in the day of.........................

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Grannie G, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,101
    Kent
    Hello Hazel

    I`m waiting for Crossroads to get back to me once they`ve trained up a new group of carers. The training apparently is six weeks.

    But he will need to get to know someone really well before he will accept them staying with him while I go out. When he is `OK` he still feels he is recovering from Alzheimers.

    And while we were chatting over lunch, I introduced the subject of day care, saying it`s something which could really help him, but he refused point blank.

    Love xx
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    It's going to be so hard for you to convince him.

    But the alternative of never being able to leave the house without him doesn't bear thinking about!

    I hope you find a way, for your own sake.

    Love,
     
  3. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Dear Sylvia,

    I can't remember if Dhiren can still read easily. Would it help if, on occasions like this morning, if you stuck a note on the kitchen door (or wherever most appropriate) saying "Gone to ....., back by 12.30" - allowing a bit of leeway for a missed bus or whatever. This worked for us for a long time.

    And congratulations on turning the atmosphere around, so that Dhiren ended the outing with a feeling of achievement.

    Re. Crossroads, perhaps on the first few times, you could all three go for a short walk which is one of Dhiren's favourites, with him showing the new person the way and any points of interest on the way.

    Love
     
  4. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Hi Sylvia

    It sounds like a good idea to monitor Dhiren's sleep pattern. I was wondering whether his extra sleeping could be side affects of any medication that the hospital might have prescribed?

    As for Dhiren wondering where you were and coming out to look for you, this happened with Alan about 2 to 3 years ago, before Alan was diagnosed. I had told him very clearly that I was going to do someone's accounts and would be back late. I even left a note and a phone number. In the early evening he drove to my sisters in a really worried and agitated state wanting to know if I was there or whether my sister knew where I might be because I'd disappeared:eek: Fortunately it was a one off but we all know it eventually led to being diagnosed with FTD!

    I hope that this is a one off for Dhiren.

    Are you pleased with your hair?:)

    Love
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,101
    Kent
    Hello Lynne

    Good ideas . Thank you.

    Dhien still reads. He reads the Guardian most days and the Express every day. He also gets a weekly Jewish paper, yes he gets it, not me, and an Indian magazine.

    I have an exercise book and each page is dedicated to a specific regular place I go. It includes the name of the place, what time I left home, what time I should return and my mobile number. I secure the page with two clothes pegs and prop it on the mantlepiece.

    It depends on Dhiren`s frame of mind whether or not he reads it or even sees it.

    Hope you are all right Lynne.

    Love xx
     
  6. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Hi Sylvia

    That exercise book is a really good idea.

    Love
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,101
    Kent
    Hello Helen

    When Dhiren was in hospital he was put on a diferent antidepressant which also acts as a stronger sedative. I had asked the doctors to try to give him something which would curb his restlessness and aggression so I could have him home, even if it meant increasing sedation.

    He has been taking this since the beginning of June. So I`m not sure whether the drug is building up, causing the sleepiness or there is a downslide in his condition.

    Fortunately, and it gives me such a good feeling to be able to say this, I have a wonderful CPN who is visiting tomorrow and I will be able to ask him. :)

    Love xx
     
  8. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Hi Sylvia

    Brilliant cos sometimes these things do need a bit of tweaking;)

    That was a good idea of yours to get Dhiren to take you home.

    Love
     
  9. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Sylvia..that was a stroke of pure genius on your part....

    And I can imagine how pleased Dhiren was to have taken the lead..it must have meant a lot to him.

    I'm glad the CPN will be in tomorrow so you can discuss the sleeping...:)

    Love gigi xx
     
  10. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,191
    Toronto, Canada
    Sylvia,
    Before my mother was diagnosed she too had started going to bed earlier and earlier and sleeping for 10 and 12 hours. This was before she was on any medication. In my mother's case, increased sleeping was a component of her disease, as she had several stages of sleeping. Some were due to medication (the last one) but others don't seem to have been. I have often wondered if it was an unconscious escape from reality.
     
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    John's not on any medication at all, but most days he sleeps all the time apart from mealtimes.

    When he was at home, he went to bed earlier and earlier.

    I think it's part of the disease, though obviously medication will comtribute.
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,101
    Kent
    A storm in a teacup

    Tonight sees a different Dhiren, not tired at all, no sundowning, no sleep during the day.

    He brought the washing in, folded it, as only he can ;), and we have had a very pleasant evening.

    I forgot to tell you about my chat with the hairdresser..........
    She was asking how Dhiren was, asking about Alzheimers, really interested, trying to understand.
    And I was trying to explain how unpredictable it is, and finished by saying,
    `The only way I can describe it is not being on the same wavelength.`
    And she replied, `That`s normal of most married couples , isn`t it.`:D
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,101
    Kent
    Not really Gigi. :eek:
    It`s a natural progression of many years working with children with special needs. To develop skills in orienteering, we`d take them out and ask them to show us how to return to school.

    Love xx
     
  14. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    :(
    Oh gosh = how many times have we seen couples in restaurants just NOT talking to each other. Your hairdresser made a very good point.

    I am sure you and Dhiren were the same, David and I always had something to talk about. Animated conversation - small talk, whatever - I LOVED IT!!
    We often looked around and saw couples just not talking, just no emotion in their faces - and they were young and certainly not affected by dementia.

    So I am thankful for what I have had but very very sad at what I have lost :(

    Fingers crossed for you Sylvia, but things seem ok for you at present :D
    Love Jan
     
  15. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,854
    Wigan, Lancs
    Another trying day for you, but one that ended well. :)

    I do understand how difficult it is introducing new people and expecting Dhiren to trust them when we know our loved ones don't always trust us.:( We are persevering with the new daycare centre and the most positive thing I can say is today has been better than last week. No criticism of the staff who seem wonderful, but my Dad just doesn't take to it. A couple of weeks ago my Dad came home from daycare, put his arms round my mum and said 'I just want it to be the two of us'. And that's the problem ... expecting him to trust strangers in a world that has become so strange to him.

    We would be tempted to forget daycare, but I have passed on your post that if he gets used to daycare and trusting others, this may make the transition to repsite easier for him - and us, so we are carrying on.

    I'm so happy that you have a good CPN. I walked past ours on one of my training walks on Monday and was past him before I realised who it was. I thought about turning back, but decided to leave him to enjoy his Bank Holiday in peace!
     
  16. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    777
    North Wales
    Hello Sylvia,


    Haven't read the earlier pages but Dhiren sounds so much better than when I last read your thread.

    Am starting to read TP again, so it's good to read your good news.

    Love to you both,
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,101
    Kent
    Hello Sue.

    Full marks to your mother for keeping the day care going. Dhiren just closes his mind to it.

    Your father and my husband have no idea how much hard work they are. `The two of us` is fine when the going`s good. But when trouble starts, I don`t know about your mother, but I could willingly walk.


    Hello Cliff, how are you?

    It`s so lovely to see you back on TP. I hope this means you are beginning to manage the massive change in your life.

    Dhiren is much better in that he`s calmer and less restless. But his confusion has increased.

    Love xx
     
  18. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    #3218 Helen33, Aug 28, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2008
    Hi sylvia

    Just wanted to say I am glad you've both had a pleasant evening and I'll think of you next time someone tells me they are getting a divorce. I will be thinking that the marriage has alzheimers:D

    I'm shattered and off to bed and we'll see what tomorrow brings.

    Love
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,101
    Kent
    Have a good night`s sleep Helen. Dhiren is still listening to music. :)
     
  20. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    Thanks Sylvia, hope you sleep well too. Alan used to love music. He was a part time professional singer and he loved all kinds of music. He can't use the music centre now even though I bought him a simple one:(

    Night, night

    Love
     
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