1. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    I'm getting myself psyched up for tomorrow. I'm going to take my dad out from his nursing home and over to see his sister who lives about 70 miles away. It's a journey we've done often and I know it will do him good to see her. But it's the first time I've taken him since he's been in nursing home and since he's needed help with the toilet. I feel a bit pathetic that I'm anxious about this .... but I don't find it easy to manage this sort of thing, and the incontinence pads and net knickers are new and daunting, and being this close to dad's physical needs is something very very new for me (and for him!).

    It's something I always thought I'd never do and never be able to cope with, but I've realised that if I don't then he'll most likely never see his sister again, and maybe hardly ever go out again at all. So here I am, feeling a bit wet and whimpish to be struggling with it ......... and wondering if I'm the only one.

    Any tips or reassurance would be much appreciated :eek:
     
  2. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Sorry that I can't be of any help, incontinence is the only problem that I am worried about, I found it difficult changing the children's nappies. I have spoken to a number of daughters facing this problem and it would appear that they have the same difficulties as you. If you are a wimp then please let me join the club.

    I hope all goes well with your outing and your worries are unfounded.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  3. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    thanks Dick ....... that's just the reassurance and hug that I needed ;) not just me then :)

    love, Áine
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    All the advice I can give is from a carer in mum home who said that he use to change his father ,he said its amazing what you can do when your in that situation .

    Are you going alone with your dad ?
     
  5. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    Hi Aine

    ive just come from visiting my mum, and me and mum had to wait for my dad to get the nurse to unlock her bedroom door (she's in EMI in local hospital) he took so long that mum wet herself in the corridor this is the first time ive had to deal with this as she's been quite good with the toileting part.
    Im afraid to say that i wimped out and handed her over to my dad (who has dealt with it before) to change her im sure if i was on my own i would have to have done it but i wouldnt feel comfortable doing it,
    so i dont think you are the only one :eek:

    I hope you have a good day with your dad and im sure when and if need be you'll just get on with it,
    good luck:)
     
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Lionel is not incontinent, but cannot toilet alone.

    We use a bottle for urine, and I have to sit him on the toilet for anything else, and wipe his bottom for him, and wash him down under.

    Never thought I would , and I know it must be easier as he is my partner and not a parent, but I think you can do anything, when you realise that they cannot.

    Do hope your trip goes well. Sending you a big {{{{{hug}}}}
    Love Connie
     
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    #7 Amy, Apr 12, 2006
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2006
    Hiya Aine,
    View it as an act of love - by doing this you are enabling dad to continue his 'normal' activities as long as possible. If dad is used to others in the Home assisting him, hopefully he will not be self conscious. You will be OK.

    Dick, my dad always said that when mum became incontinent, he would not be able to cope - it was not the incontinence that finally forced us to make the decision for her to be cared for in a Nursing Home. He dealt with it because he had to; OK so no-one likes stinky bottoms, but that is all they are. If it is a stomach upset then you may have to clean up the carpet as well - and if the person is still mobile then it becomes even more interesting as you have to prevent them walking around - what do you tackle first, the offending bum or the carpet? Dick if it happens, you will cope. To keep mum as dry as possible, we used to sit her on the toilet hourly - it helped.

    Sorry if this is a bit to the point, but toileting and incontinence are just two more things that dementia makes us deal with.
    Best wishes
    Amy
     
  8. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    thank you all so much. it's amazing what a hug and the sense of others being in the same place can do to help. I guess it's a bit of a fraught journey anyway. It's too complicated to bother you with, but I'd hoped to take dad to see his brother, but my uncle is too ill to be visited ..... so we're going to see his sister instead ... they live close by ........ Sometimes it never rains but it pours ..... love to you all, Á
     
  9. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Aine
    it is amazing what one can do when they have too,you will cope I promise you.
    It is also amazing how the sufferer accepts the help that is given without objection.
    Norman
     
  10. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    thanks Norman ......... i'll let you know how it went :)
     
  11. maggier

    maggier Registered User

    Jan 9, 2006
    78
    manchester
    Mum has just started this "wetting herself" we have pads for her but she cannot do them herself through the day, or she forgets. Sometimes the carpet is wet near to where she sits, and she says the dog has done it (I don't think so! ) but sometimes it may be a couple of hours before we get there and the carpet is now starting to smell. Anyone any ideas what to do about this. I think mum can smell it herself now and because she is in denial about it being her that is wetting it, it is giving her more ammunition to throw at me because we have this long standing "thing" that it is my fault she lives where she does and she hates it , she says it is dirty and now it is smelly and it's all my fault! (she is in her own council bungalow which was lovely when she moved in with dad, and I decorated it all through by myself for them, but unfortunately dad died a couple years after moving in through long term health problems and mum loves to believe that I put them there and that Dad was Ok until I moved him - all untrue but what can you do !!?)

    We try and clean the carpet with disinfectant and we put shake n vac down and spray the room and have the windows open when we can, but sometimes it is still a bit whiffy. Any suggestions would be greatly greatly appreciated.

    (Do you ever stop and think " I cannot believe I am talking about my mum and this subject" to strangers on a computer! )

    Love and hugs to EVERYONE HERE!!

    Maggie x x
     
  12. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Maggie,
    Yes I thought that last night, but I think that it is important to get rid of the stigma and embarrassment - incontinence is just another aspect of the ravages of dementia, like being unable to walk, unable to speak, unable to dress- another obstacle to be overcome.
    Sorry, no ideas about the carpet; keep doing what you are doing and buy some strong plug in air fresheners!
    Best wishes
    Amy
     
  13. Stimpfig

    Stimpfig Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    135
    Germany/India
    Cleaning Carpets

    One of my worries is how to clean up should mum wet the carpet - luckily hasn't happened yet. Searching on the internet, found this for cleaning cat and dog urine from carpets but surely there are other sites This one is from Peeout.com Hope it helps.

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    Remove Dog Urine Odors Permanently. Odorcide 210 uses a unique chemistry that eliminates the need to use urine pretreatment products and slow acting enzyme deodorants. Urine in Carpets: Dog urine in carpets and other porous an elderly dog that became incontinent and a cat who tried well as cleaning carpets, floors, and woodwork.

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    Here are the steps that our Pet Stain Removal Specialists use for removing dog or cat urine stains and nuetralizing and containing the urine odors in hardwood floors. Hard Surface Cleaning Kit I. This kit eliminates the urine and feces scent so your dog or cat will not remove pet stains and odors from carpets, upholstery, hardwood floors

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  14. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dear Aine, when I had to start doing these things for my Mum, I said to her, just think of me as being another nurse, but one that loves you very, very much. She smiled and it worked a treat. Good luck, love She. XX
     
  15. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    smelly carpet

    hi maggie

    have you tried the neutradol range of air/carpet freshners i tried the carpet powder (its like shake and vac) when my sons were small and one of them were sick on their carpet and it took that odour away

    best wishes
     
  16. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Maggie

    Maggie pull the carpet off , before mum was diagnosed with AD , she use to wee in her bedroom carpet got so fed up with the small that I pulled the carpet of ,this was in Gibraltar and underneath the carpet was white floor tiles .

    When mum was put on medication the incontinent stop

    I am wondering could you not ask the council to lay down none slip flooring in what every room your mum is urinating
     
  17. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    Hi Aine I had to start showering my dad about 6 monthes ago, because my mom was having trouble trying to shower him and she was getting herself in a right state about it. she has a bad knee and the toilet is in the way, where she needs to stand to shower him. She asked me to do him while we waited for the SS to send someone round to help out. We are still waiting. I found this very difficult to do, just because it was my dad. So i thought well i got two boys of my own, can't be any diffrent than bathing them when they was young. Its not an ideal situation but better than him being smelly. Only trouble is i do tend to go into baby talk mode, but he is very ill now and doesn't talk hardly at all. Sorry about rambling on but i undersand how you feel, when years ago you would never have dreamed you would have to do so much for your parents out of love. :) janet :)
     
  18. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    i did it!

    Thanks everyone for all your encouragement with this one. I managed it and returned dad to his nursing home in one piece this evening ;) The nursing home were great and packed him up with spare clothes and a lifetimes supply of incontinence pads, gloves, wipes etc. Dad has clearly been well "trained" by his other carers ;) and got used to the routine, so he was able to help a bit. You were right Norman, he accepted my help with no objections.

    I'm so dead pleased with myself. I always thought I could never do this. I couldn't be a nurse to save my life. But today I managed it. And that's meant that he's been able to see his sister again .... something that's important for both of them

    The worst of it really was his deafness. As we were approaching motorway service stations I'd say "do you need to stop for the toilet?" and he wouldn't hear. So I'd shout, and then turn to look at him and shout and still he wouldn't hear, and at 70mph the service station is getting closer and closer by the second. And still no response :eek: Makes driving a bit hazardous ... I was thinking about the "baby on board" notices in the backs of other cards. Wondering if Alzheimers Soc might branch out a little an produce a "deaf and demented dad on board" notice :eek:
     
  19. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dearest Aine, please, please can I have one of the first "deaf and demented" stickers, and thats for when there is only me in the car.

    So very pleased your day went well, with no serious problems. I think we all surprise ourselves in what we can do.

    Take care of yourself, love Connie
     
  20. Dave W

    Dave W Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    268
    Bucks
    Congratulations

    Hey Aine - hats off to you, and so glad to know your day went so much better than you expected (that makes two of us!). Sounds like you made three people very happy today - and that's three more than most people manage most days, isn't it!!

    I'm finally off to the kitchen for that glass of red I've been promising myself all night, and I shall raise the glass in your direction and in your honour :)

    Dave
     

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