a bit wet

[Tender Face]

Taboo stuff

Hiya Aine,
- what do you tackle first, the offending bum or the carpet? Amy

I can't believe there is even a question here!!!! If ANYONE is in distress, be it child, elderly, sick, whether we are a spouse/carer/ responsible adult/by-stander etc etc should we worry about the 'material' stuff? That's like saying if there were a car accident should we try to recover the car before cutting the injured out!

Sorry, Amy, but I am outraged at that thought..... I will post on more practical matters when I have calmed down.....

 

[Tender Face]

Carpet Solutions - just ideas!

(First of all, well done Aine!)... just picking up on one other aspect of this thread....

Carpet 'fresheners' can only eradicate the 'whiff' short-term - not the germs

Anyone thought of going back to good old-fashioned 'lino'? (Tres fashionable again - I'm told!) Unlike laminate flooring (which can be too 'slippy') it can be textured to give enough friction for fragile feet and walking aids etc but absolutely washable/wipeable/disinfectable.

Another alternative is carpet tiling - 'sensitive areas' generally don't need so many and can be moved around for cleaning/airing (and 'spares' can be stockpiled for quick replacement when needed)...

 

[dmc]

well done Aine

hi Aine

Im so pleased your outing with your dad went well, im sure its a bridge we'll all have to cross someday, its nice to hear about the ones who manage to make it across

best wishes

 

[Áine]

I can't believe there is even a question here!!!!

Hi TF. Maybe you're fortunate in that you can be instinctively so highly principled. Amy's question made me giggle because I can so identify with that dilemma. Morally correct it might not be ...... but very human and honest .... and a question I've encounted often having a cat that's prone to cystitis My experience is that cats (and I guess humans) tend to scrub up more easily and quickly than carpets

 

[Tender Face]

Hi TF. Maybe you're fortunate in that you can be instinctively so highly principled. Amy's question made me giggle because I can so identify with that dilemma. Morally correct it might not be ...... but very human and honest .... and a question I've encounted often having a cat that's prone to cystitis My experience is that cats (and I guess humans) tend to scrub up more easily and quickly than carpets

I didn't/don't mean to take the 'moral high ground' - but MY identification with that dilemma is very different. I don't think it is anything to do with principles - I'd rather hoped it was human nature. Well, it's mine and I'm sticking to it!

When I had to cope with dad's 'accidents', first priority WAS (instinctively) him - not just making sure he was clean and comfortable but removed from 'the scene' so I could clean up discreetly without him becoming further distressed.

Carpets may not scrub up so well but at least they can be replaced or discarded - and as far as I am aware they don't have feelings to be considered.

Is it NOT instinctive to reach out to help a living being before all else? When a fire crew attends a burning house, do they instinctively look to save the bricks and mortar or the occupants?

 

[Nutty Nan]

Woa, this seems to be getting a bit 'heavy' - I suspect Amy's comment was made in a very light-hearted way, in which case she has surely been chastised enough by now .....

 

[connie]

Have to totally agree with Nan on this one, it has gone off the richter scale.

Of course we are ALL concerned with our loved ones FIRSTLY.

But, hey, life goes on, and we are entitled to tell it how we see it.

Come on, calm down, we are all on the same side.

When I was a girl, some 60 years ago. FEIGNEIGHTS, we would have cried, and all would be forgiven. Indulged an old lady, Connie

 

[Tender Face]

Woa, this seems to be getting a bit 'heavy' - I suspect Amy's comment was made in a very light-hearted way, in which case she has surely been chastised enough by now .....

Well, excuse me for being a 'new kid on the block' and daring to air a view. Who has chastised Amy? Not me. Now I feel I am being chastised/censored!

It's not exactly supportive to see the public 'closing of ranks' amongst a certain group of members here when others don't share their views and/or humour and are so blinkered they cannot perceive that what they see as 'right' or 'funny' can be absolutely 'wrong' and even deeply disturbing to others.

The 'closed shop' and old pals act has been obvious for some time. (Nada, I will re-reply to your recent PM!)

Time for me to bow out... thanks to everyone who has given me support in ways they may not have even realised. It's sad. TP had a lot to offer to me personally, and I felt I had much to offer too from past experiences of caring and counselling in personal and professional capacities. Good luck to TP, its members and especially their loved ones.

I'll check in from time to time, but I chose my own company and realise TP is no longer for me.

(And no doubt you will see that as me on my bloody moral high horse again?!)

So, so sad. TF

 

[Tender Face]

Connie, our posts crossed, and you just proved my point!

Best wishes, TF

 

[connie]

Dear Tender Face, Been there, seen it, got the tee shirt.

I am not part of any group, old pals act, you name it.....don't want to know.

No one on T.P. ever critisises. We are all in it together. Please don't take offence, or worse still. leave us. We are only able to continue because we have strength in numbers.

I do not always agree with a lot that is posted on TP, but to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I defend their right to their opinions, OR WORDS TO THAT EFFECT.

Wish we all lived in a small community, then we could support each other, but we can only do this via. the NET, and misunderstandings can sometime occur. Take heart, we are all on the same side.

(Think the navy has a saying, "same ships, different cocoa") post again soon.
Love Connie

 

[Brucie]

At the risk of being thought on one side or the other, what the h*ll is going on here? I can't see anything more than an exchange of views.

TP is primarily about consensus, and that is created by exchanging views. Someone posts something, others respond, and we quickly see how much agreement or disagreement there is.

Even when most people agree with something, there will be others who do not, and t'other way around.

With any of the posts on TP, there seems no necessity to judge or be personal, though of course we all do it, at one time or another, intentionally or accidentally. I frequently come off line so as not to post something I know I will regret later. I am absolutely sure that others do the same about some of my posts.

In the context of this thread, we all handle these situations differently. I always told the doctors that if Jan became doubly incontinent I would not be able to cope. I believe now that I would have tried my damndest, had other things not taken her to the care home.

Incontinence is one of the really difficult areas - I agree by the way about lino - I have put it ['cushionfloor', to be precise] into my brand new bathroom because it is soft, easy to clean, and much warmer than ceramic tiles. And there is no 'nasty' stuff to be cleaned in this case.

Tender Face - if you feel you have to go, then of course do so, but I would rather you were here on TP because your views are important. If you do go, then please know you will always be welcome to return.

Best wishes and Easter greetings to all.

 

[Michael E]

To Tender face....

Hey lady please do not go anywhere...

you were so nice about my poem and I loved your porridge bowl.

I still feel very new here - actually it's not real - its a 'thing' in cyberspace- its just a way of putting things into writing, which in itself helps, and learning from others experiences but without having to be face to face... we all only see one facet of each other - the things we choose to write. We do not see the backgrounds, home circumstances, or the reality of each other... It's just we are all in some way stuck with coping with someone who has Alzheimer's....

I think our emotions are a bit nearer the surface than 'ordinary' people because we are facing the daily degradation of someone very close to us. We are watching the mental and physical failings of a once normal and very possibly loved human being. Added to the sadness and drudgery of watching this happen, that 'degraded' human being behaves to us in a sometimes destructive and always demanding way... because they are 'out of it'.... So that makes us all a bit harder round the edges. I could not give a flying **** for what anybody thinks these days. If people get on the wrong side of me now then their god better help them because I will wade in all guns blazing.

On a more practical note of course there are cliques on this forum - I think there are on any, but it is pretty well meaning here because we all know what this journey is. There are one or two people who I have never met - actually know nothing about at all - who's 'attitude' I can relate to more easily than others and there are a few who I suspect find me a pain but so what... sticks and stones...

love

Michael

 

[Kathleen]

I am one of those people who can open their mouth and put both feet in, without even trying.

This forum it is the one place I feel safe to vent my feelings about AD in the knowledge that others reading it will understand, some won't, of course, but I sincerely hope that won't cause them to take offence.

Coping with AD is a steep, scary learning curve and we all benefit from the exchange of views and ideas, we can make each other laugh or cry, but we are on the same journey, just on different routes.

Have a good weekend.

Kathleen

 

[Lynne]

Oh dear

It is SO easy to say something in an email (which is effectively what our messages here are) which can be read ambiguously, if not quite differently from how the writer meant it. We forget that although we may be chuckling or grinning when we WRITE it, the reader has no such body-language to refer to at the other end.

I read Amy's comment to mean do you clear up the carpet so that Dad doesn't walk through the mess & spread it all over the house, or do you grab hold of Dad & sort him out first - especially as he may still be 'producing' the unwanted decorations!
I read Tender Face's next post as being the kind of knee-jerk reaction which I have been guilty of quite recently. You react to what hits your eye first, then maybe if you re-read it that meaning wasn't the only possible one.

Tender Face, I honestly don't believe there are any 'ranks' or Old Pal groupings here. Like you, I'm a relatively recent arrival. Some here have been coping with AD for YEARS; that's a dubious honour at best. If some of the founder members hadn't worked to get Talking Point created, we would all still be floundering around trying to find some way of gaining the knowledge we all so desperately need. The health care "professionals" don't give us what this forum can provide. You are a valued part of this forum; we shall be the poorer for it if you leave us. Please don't go.

 

[Amy]

Hiya all,
I've just got back from a couple of days away and cannot believe the contents of this thread, or the upset I seem to have caused. I have struggled to help my dad care for my mum for many years; I have been the one trying to "clean her up", clean the carpet, etc. My mum was in no state to be distressed by her incontinence - she has no understanding of it. At the moment I could sit and cry (no I am crying), that anyone who has read any of my postings can think so badly of me - I always try to be sensitive and supportive of others on here.
Tenderface if you are reading this I am sorry that I offended you.
Amy

 

[Kathleen]

Amy

Please don't feel badly, you have always responded to my posts in such a lovely way, we seem to think along similar lines.

You come across as a loving, kind and generous spirit, keep up the good work.

I, like Lynne have had a knee-jerk reaction in the past, but when we are living on a tightrope emotionally, we all do it from time to time. I also interpreted your post as Lynne did, it seems to be a misunderstanding.

Dry your eyes and chin up chicken.

Kathleen

 

[Amy]

Thank you Kathleen, and the others who have sent a PM,
Being quite honest I have had a lovely two days away with my husband walking in the Dales, and have found the whole idea of coming back and picking up the reins really difficult - hence the tears. But back in the saddle now, had better start being nice to the kids.
Amy

 

[dmc]

nice to have you back!!

 

[noelphobic]

Thank you Kathleen, and the others who have sent a PM,
Being quite honest I have had a lovely two days away with my husband walking in the Dales, and have found the whole idea of coming back and picking up the reins really difficult - hence the tears. But back in the saddle now, had better start being nice to the kids.
Amy

Hi Amy, You haven't done anything to reproach yourself for. I'm glad to hear you had a nice time while you were away.

I am probably treading on dangerous ground here but I always did like living dangerously! I had to smile when you said 'had better start being nice to the kids'. It reminded me of that saying 'be nice to your kids, they get to choose your retirement home'

 

[connie]

Hi Amy, welcome back.

Know the feeling, as it is always harder to pick up the reins again when you have had a short break.

I know I am feeling very vunerable at present. My holiday was wonderful, so somehow exagerates the situation back home.

Take care now, Connie