Just catching up again and sending love to all of you who have lost and are missing your Mums. X Shelagh 
Still lost!
- Thread starter Carabosse
- Start date
Hello ladies,
I'm sorry I haven't replied for sometime. I've been reading but somehow haven't felt supportive enough to join in.
I'm so glad that this thread has kept going, I hope it is some comfort in your darkest hours.
I would never want to explain to any of my friends, how awful it is to lose a parent. Sadly, that is my situation, none of them understand.
I'm relieved, somewhat, that during your dreadful pain, you have each other's words of comfort, although I know it will never be enough.
Thinking of you all
Molly x
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I'm sorry I haven't replied for sometime. I've been reading but somehow haven't felt supportive enough to join in.
I'm so glad that this thread has kept going, I hope it is some comfort in your darkest hours.
I would never want to explain to any of my friends, how awful it is to lose a parent. Sadly, that is my situation, none of them understand.
I'm relieved, somewhat, that during your dreadful pain, you have each other's words of comfort, although I know it will never be enough.
Thinking of you all
Molly x
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Hello Carabosse
Have you had another appointment with Cruse yet and was it helpful? I hope so.
I have decided to put my cat in the cattery when my kitchen is being done, I know the lady who owns it very well, she is a genuine cat lover and my mum used to board her cats there when she went on hols. It is peaceful and quiet which my house definitely won't be and I think it will be less stressful for her and me! Of course, I have to catch her first and get her in her carrier and she is very good at hiding.
I hope you will eventually feel you want to get out and about a bit more, but if you don't feel ready too I would stay where you feel safe for the time being.
It is good of you to see your mum's friend, I expect she appreciates your visits.
How are you feeling, is the depression still as bad and hopefully you are not doing anything to harm yourself but we all have our different ways of dealing with grief. I still find myself crying my eyes out some days and wondering why dementia, the illness from hell came into our lives.
Hope you are looking after yourself and eating something and managing to get some sleep.
Lexy
Have you had another appointment with Cruse yet and was it helpful? I hope so.
I have decided to put my cat in the cattery when my kitchen is being done, I know the lady who owns it very well, she is a genuine cat lover and my mum used to board her cats there when she went on hols. It is peaceful and quiet which my house definitely won't be and I think it will be less stressful for her and me! Of course, I have to catch her first and get her in her carrier and she is very good at hiding.
I hope you will eventually feel you want to get out and about a bit more, but if you don't feel ready too I would stay where you feel safe for the time being.
It is good of you to see your mum's friend, I expect she appreciates your visits.
How are you feeling, is the depression still as bad and hopefully you are not doing anything to harm yourself but we all have our different ways of dealing with grief. I still find myself crying my eyes out some days and wondering why dementia, the illness from hell came into our lives.
Hope you are looking after yourself and eating something and managing to get some sleep.
Lexy
Hello Molly11
I know what you mean when you say friends don't understand, I found they would listen to you for a while and then they did not want to know, they don't seem to or want to understand how we are feeling.
One of my friends is adopted and does not really like her mother, she said to me that she was glad she didn't love her mum the way I loved mine because she would not feel bad like I had been feeling if her mum died, I felt sorry for her because she has never known the bond and love I had and felt for my mum.
Lexy
I know what you mean when you say friends don't understand, I found they would listen to you for a while and then they did not want to know, they don't seem to or want to understand how we are feeling.
One of my friends is adopted and does not really like her mother, she said to me that she was glad she didn't love her mum the way I loved mine because she would not feel bad like I had been feeling if her mum died, I felt sorry for her because she has never known the bond and love I had and felt for my mum.
Lexy
Hello Auntiep, I'm sorry to hear about your mum, thinking of you.
That was one of the reasons I decided to start this thread was that the way I am feeling and thoughts I am having, others may be having the same but think its wrong to have them.
Molly11, any time you feel like dropping in even if its just to say hello, feel free.
Hi lexy, I had another appointment with Cruse yesterday and another one is booked for a couple of weeks time. I don't know whether its being helpful as yet, the person seems to understand why I am feeling the way I am, but we shall see how things go.
I think that's a good idea putting your cat into a cattery, as for catching your cat can you put some food into the carrier then wait for her to go in then shut the door?
No I don't feel up to going out and about yet, its ok if I am with someone (Connie came with me to my appointments) then its ok but going somewhere on my own is something totally different, maybe in time things will change but that's the thing it will take time.
The depression is still much about the same and the self harming still continues now and again, I know what you mean about wondering why our mums got Dementia I am still trying to figure that one out. I do have the odd cry now and again, but majority of times I have a tear in my eyes when I mention mum.
I have been using some of the produce from the garden, but times I just have a sandwich as I can't be bothered, or maybe something sweet. As for the sleeping that is still not happening as I'm in pain with my back, hips, so i'll mention it to my Dr again when I see him in a few weeks.
Mums friend is getting better, hopefully she will be back to her usual self.
That was one of the reasons I decided to start this thread was that the way I am feeling and thoughts I am having, others may be having the same but think its wrong to have them.
Molly11, any time you feel like dropping in even if its just to say hello, feel free.
Hi lexy, I had another appointment with Cruse yesterday and another one is booked for a couple of weeks time. I don't know whether its being helpful as yet, the person seems to understand why I am feeling the way I am, but we shall see how things go.
I think that's a good idea putting your cat into a cattery, as for catching your cat can you put some food into the carrier then wait for her to go in then shut the door?
No I don't feel up to going out and about yet, its ok if I am with someone (Connie came with me to my appointments) then its ok but going somewhere on my own is something totally different, maybe in time things will change but that's the thing it will take time.
The depression is still much about the same and the self harming still continues now and again, I know what you mean about wondering why our mums got Dementia I am still trying to figure that one out. I do have the odd cry now and again, but majority of times I have a tear in my eyes when I mention mum.
I have been using some of the produce from the garden, but times I just have a sandwich as I can't be bothered, or maybe something sweet. As for the sleeping that is still not happening as I'm in pain with my back, hips, so i'll mention it to my Dr again when I see him in a few weeks.
Mums friend is getting better, hopefully she will be back to her usual self.
Hello Carabosse
I'm glad you are going to Cruse, the counsellor you see will understand how you feel as he or she will have lost someone they loved aswell. We can't ignore our grief, it will find us wherever we go so it is best not to try and avoid it. Mine still comes along at random every so often and the pain can be crippling. For me, and you I think losing our mum's was the most devastating thing that could have happened to us. My mum was with me when I took my first breath and I was with her when she took her last. I know that time does not heal wounds, I still have some very unpleasant scars from the dementia and my mum's death.
Getting my cat into her carrier is not going to be easy as she hates it, if I left half a dozen live mice in it for her she would not go in it!
You say you don't like going out on your own, I think this is because your confidence has gone due to your mum's passing. I know I did lose my confidence after my mum died, I felt lost and useless and my purpose in life had gone. It is very hard having to adjust again to a very different set of circumstances and a different life. Don't be in any hurry, take each day as it comes.
Look after yourself
Lexy
I'm glad you are going to Cruse, the counsellor you see will understand how you feel as he or she will have lost someone they loved aswell. We can't ignore our grief, it will find us wherever we go so it is best not to try and avoid it. Mine still comes along at random every so often and the pain can be crippling. For me, and you I think losing our mum's was the most devastating thing that could have happened to us. My mum was with me when I took my first breath and I was with her when she took her last. I know that time does not heal wounds, I still have some very unpleasant scars from the dementia and my mum's death.
Getting my cat into her carrier is not going to be easy as she hates it, if I left half a dozen live mice in it for her she would not go in it!
You say you don't like going out on your own, I think this is because your confidence has gone due to your mum's passing. I know I did lose my confidence after my mum died, I felt lost and useless and my purpose in life had gone. It is very hard having to adjust again to a very different set of circumstances and a different life. Don't be in any hurry, take each day as it comes.
Look after yourself
Lexy
I doubt anything that happens in my life now will be as devastating as losing mum, nothing could happen to make me feel the way I am feeling now, lost and alone and feeling like what's the point? I have no idea where that 'time heals all wounds' comes from, but at the moment time isn't helping!
Hopefully your cat will be in the cattery by now, did it take long to get her into her carrier?
That's true, I do make plans of things I want to do but when it comes to it I bottle out, as you say my confidence has gone, I feel more scared when out especially in places I'm not used to or haven't been to for a while.
Hopefully your cat will be in the cattery by now, did it take long to get her into her carrier?
That's true, I do make plans of things I want to do but when it comes to it I bottle out, as you say my confidence has gone, I feel more scared when out especially in places I'm not used to or haven't been to for a while.
That's exactly how I feel right now - numb, angry, stressed, depressed and LOST :what:
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Hello Carabosse
I am sorry that both you and Auntiep are feeling so low, I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain, but I do understand these feelings as I have had them myself.
I got my cat into her carrier quite easily, she was asleep in her box and I caught her while she was still half asleep, she soon woke up when she realised she was in her carrier! The Cattery had some lovely cats boarding there and when I left my cat was looking very cross. Does the cat still come to see you, you haven't mentioned her lately and I wondered if she was still visiting you.
My old kitchen has gone, my new one has arrived but will be fitted this week, at moment I have four bare walls, it is a bit tricky without a kitchen, you don't realise how much you are in a kitchen until you don't have one.
Your confidence will eventually start to come back although it will be slow to return. I used to feel very anxious and fearful and still do sometimes. There is still a part of me that has died inside and I don't think it will ever come back to life. I do sometimes wonder just how much pain and suffering a human being is supposed to bear .
Will be thinking of you and Auntiep
Lexy
I am sorry that both you and Auntiep are feeling so low, I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain, but I do understand these feelings as I have had them myself.
I got my cat into her carrier quite easily, she was asleep in her box and I caught her while she was still half asleep, she soon woke up when she realised she was in her carrier! The Cattery had some lovely cats boarding there and when I left my cat was looking very cross. Does the cat still come to see you, you haven't mentioned her lately and I wondered if she was still visiting you.
My old kitchen has gone, my new one has arrived but will be fitted this week, at moment I have four bare walls, it is a bit tricky without a kitchen, you don't realise how much you are in a kitchen until you don't have one.
Your confidence will eventually start to come back although it will be slow to return. I used to feel very anxious and fearful and still do sometimes. There is still a part of me that has died inside and I don't think it will ever come back to life. I do sometimes wonder just how much pain and suffering a human being is supposed to bear .
Will be thinking of you and Auntiep
Lexy
Its a wonder you're not covered in scratches from trying to get your cat in the carrier!
Yes, the cat is still here, I don't seem to be able to go out of my door without her being there, even when I take the latch off the door in the morning she is on the windowsill meowing, dam sure she knows exactly when I get up or go out, even when I visit mums friend she knows to go there if I'm not at home.
I am still having those dreams where you think you are actually there, I have noticed I can 'talk' to mum in them not that I remember what I am saying. I don't know exactly how this is happening but as I said they seem so real, then when I wake I automatically think I must go and get mum up but obviously I can't.
Yes, the cat is still here, I don't seem to be able to go out of my door without her being there, even when I take the latch off the door in the morning she is on the windowsill meowing, dam sure she knows exactly when I get up or go out, even when I visit mums friend she knows to go there if I'm not at home.
I am still having those dreams where you think you are actually there, I have noticed I can 'talk' to mum in them not that I remember what I am saying. I don't know exactly how this is happening but as I said they seem so real, then when I wake I automatically think I must go and get mum up but obviously I can't.
Hello Carabosse
Just wondering how you are feeling, still pretty much the same I expect and still having those dreams.
I'm glad the cat is still coming to see you, are you still feeding her? My cat is home again, I don't think she liked being in the cattery but it was quieter for her. She seemed pleased to be home again and has given my new kitchen a thorough inspection!
I am still having problems with little elderly ladies with white hair in wheelchairs, I saw one today and had to make sure it was not my mum, but this lady did not have dementia and when she turned and looked at me and smiled I so wished it was my mum. I have put three photos of my mum by my bedside, one when she was very young, another when she was in her forties and another of when she was older but not unwell, I am trying to remember her in these ways instead of when she had dementia which makes me so sad. Do you do this, do you have sad images of your mum in your head sometimes and if so how do you deal with it?
Hope you are sleeping a bit better and hopefully not so depressed.
Take care
Lexy
Just wondering how you are feeling, still pretty much the same I expect and still having those dreams.
I'm glad the cat is still coming to see you, are you still feeding her? My cat is home again, I don't think she liked being in the cattery but it was quieter for her. She seemed pleased to be home again and has given my new kitchen a thorough inspection!
I am still having problems with little elderly ladies with white hair in wheelchairs, I saw one today and had to make sure it was not my mum, but this lady did not have dementia and when she turned and looked at me and smiled I so wished it was my mum. I have put three photos of my mum by my bedside, one when she was very young, another when she was in her forties and another of when she was older but not unwell, I am trying to remember her in these ways instead of when she had dementia which makes me so sad. Do you do this, do you have sad images of your mum in your head sometimes and if so how do you deal with it?
Hope you are sleeping a bit better and hopefully not so depressed.
Take care
Lexy
I also was wondering how you were doing Carabosse for you have not posted for a while.
Like you Lexy seeing little white haired, ladies especially if they are wearing Edinburgh Woollen mill pleated, skirts remind me of my mum and if they are with a relative I get the urge to say make full use of each day you have with them .for you don't half miss them when they are not here physically anymore.
Glad your cat is back with you.
Elizabet.
Like you Lexy seeing little white haired, ladies especially if they are wearing Edinburgh Woollen mill pleated, skirts remind me of my mum and if they are with a relative I get the urge to say make full use of each day you have with them .for you don't half miss them when they are not here physically anymore.
Glad your cat is back with you.
Elizabet.
Yes, I'm still feeling the same and yes I'm still having those type of dreams every night.
The cat has gone back to her basket, she growled at me last night as when she went to get some food I closed the door and was ready to put her out, but she wanted back to her basket. Might try leaving her in tonight and see what happens!
Glad your cat is ok and the cattery wasn't to stressful for it, I think it was looking for hiding places just in case any more work needs to be done in your house.
Bumped into someone the other day who asked how mum was, she was very apologetic when I told her mum had passed away. It did bring a tear to my eye as the mere mention of mum has that effect.
I haven't seen anyone that looks like mum, not sure how I would handle it if I did. I have been picturing mum in her coffin but then I think of decomposition, why I don't know. My Dr says that mum is no longer there and I should try not to think along those lines, difficult but I am trying.
My depression medication was increased so now on 4 tablets a day, not feeling any different so no idea if they are working or not?
Sleeping is still an issue due to my back/ hips, I do manage a few hours of sleep but its not enough. I'm still depressed some days are worse than others.
Been feeling a bit low the past few days hence the reason I haven't posted anything.
The cat has gone back to her basket, she growled at me last night as when she went to get some food I closed the door and was ready to put her out, but she wanted back to her basket. Might try leaving her in tonight and see what happens!
Glad your cat is ok and the cattery wasn't to stressful for it, I think it was looking for hiding places just in case any more work needs to be done in your house.
Bumped into someone the other day who asked how mum was, she was very apologetic when I told her mum had passed away. It did bring a tear to my eye as the mere mention of mum has that effect.
I haven't seen anyone that looks like mum, not sure how I would handle it if I did. I have been picturing mum in her coffin but then I think of decomposition, why I don't know. My Dr says that mum is no longer there and I should try not to think along those lines, difficult but I am trying.
My depression medication was increased so now on 4 tablets a day, not feeling any different so no idea if they are working or not?
Sleeping is still an issue due to my back/ hips, I do manage a few hours of sleep but its not enough. I'm still depressed some days are worse than others.
Been feeling a bit low the past few days hence the reason I haven't posted anything.
I am very relieved Elizabet that I am not the only one who gets these feelings with regards to other elderly people I see, I know what you mean when you say you want to say to them to make full use of each day they are with you.
I hope you are somehow managing to find ways to cope with your mum dying, I know this cannot be a happy time for you.
Thinking of you
Lexy
I hope you are somehow managing to find ways to cope with your mum dying, I know this cannot be a happy time for you.
Thinking of you
Lexy
Hello Carabosse
Sorry you are still feeling depressed, are you still going to Cruse?
Your doctor is right, try not to think of your mum in the way you are, try and think of times when she was happy, I know this isn't easy, I try and tell myself that my mum is now with my dad and she is happy and at peace.
You are still very much on the long bumpy road and how long you stay on it will be up to you to decide. A few months is a short time and it may take you many months or years to gradually leave it. I have not left it completely and still have bad times and thoughts but I can also remember happier times and hopefully you will be able to in time.
Grieving is a healing process, we have to grieve to help us recover.
Be kind to yourself
Lexy
Sorry you are still feeling depressed, are you still going to Cruse?
Your doctor is right, try not to think of your mum in the way you are, try and think of times when she was happy, I know this isn't easy, I try and tell myself that my mum is now with my dad and she is happy and at peace.
You are still very much on the long bumpy road and how long you stay on it will be up to you to decide. A few months is a short time and it may take you many months or years to gradually leave it. I have not left it completely and still have bad times and thoughts but I can also remember happier times and hopefully you will be able to in time.
Grieving is a healing process, we have to grieve to help us recover.
Be kind to yourself
Lexy
Yes, I'm still going to Cruse, will be my 4th visit in a few days. Not exactly sure how I am supposed to be feeling as like I have said I don't feel any different, although when I'm there everything she says makes perfect sense then when home and I have time to think and go over things, the negative thoughts start again and why did I do this or that, don't seem to be able to help it.
I am trying to stop picturing mum in her coffin but its difficult, I did the same when dad passed so I suppose in time it will stop who knows?
The dreams are still continuing every night, I just can't get my head round the fact that everything is so real, so much that when waking it takes me a few seconds until I realise everything is different now.
It will be 8 months tomorrow since mum passed.
I am trying to stop picturing mum in her coffin but its difficult, I did the same when dad passed so I suppose in time it will stop who knows?
The dreams are still continuing every night, I just can't get my head round the fact that everything is so real, so much that when waking it takes me a few seconds until I realise everything is different now.
It will be 8 months tomorrow since mum passed.
So glad to hear you are still going to Cruse. I am sure it will help you to off load your thoughts to someone who listens.
It is 9 months since my Mum died .I requested that her coffin lid was closed when I went into say farewell to her at the chapel of rest as I wished to remember her when I last saw her as a living person.
I also go over the what ifs about the day before she died . I was told she was stable in the hospital , then was told she had developed an infection on top of her chest infection whilst in hospital and she passed away the next day and I was not there for her at her end.But it happened and I cannot alleviate the situation .
What are your happiest memories of your Mum? - perhaps if you find yourself starting to think of her in her coffin you can switch to thinking of those happy times you spent with her and shared together.
It is 9 months since my Mum died .I requested that her coffin lid was closed when I went into say farewell to her at the chapel of rest as I wished to remember her when I last saw her as a living person.
I also go over the what ifs about the day before she died . I was told she was stable in the hospital , then was told she had developed an infection on top of her chest infection whilst in hospital and she passed away the next day and I was not there for her at her end.But it happened and I cannot alleviate the situation .
What are your happiest memories of your Mum? - perhaps if you find yourself starting to think of her in her coffin you can switch to thinking of those happy times you spent with her and shared together.
Hello Carabosse
I know how difficult it is to stop the negative thoughts, I still have many of them. I can only hope that time will help lessen them. I have some very sad images of my mum but seeing her at peace in her coffin is not one of them, this particular image somehow does not upset me like the images I have of her when she was alive, I think this maybe because she was no longer unhappy or in pain and I knew nothing else could make her sad or hurt her, she was free of the horror of dementia and completely at peace and this almost gave me a feeling of relief for her and myself. The thing I had dreaded and feared so much had happened, my lovely mum had gone.
I don't know what to say about the dreams because I only had a few about my mum, as I said before, I kept running after her and she kept disappearing.
I am glad you are still going to Cruse, it is probably helping you more than you realise and I think you very much need to talk to someone about your mum. I always wanted to talk about my mum all the time but many people don't want to listen apart from counsellors.
How is the cat?
Take care
Lexy
I know how difficult it is to stop the negative thoughts, I still have many of them. I can only hope that time will help lessen them. I have some very sad images of my mum but seeing her at peace in her coffin is not one of them, this particular image somehow does not upset me like the images I have of her when she was alive, I think this maybe because she was no longer unhappy or in pain and I knew nothing else could make her sad or hurt her, she was free of the horror of dementia and completely at peace and this almost gave me a feeling of relief for her and myself. The thing I had dreaded and feared so much had happened, my lovely mum had gone.
I don't know what to say about the dreams because I only had a few about my mum, as I said before, I kept running after her and she kept disappearing.
I am glad you are still going to Cruse, it is probably helping you more than you realise and I think you very much need to talk to someone about your mum. I always wanted to talk about my mum all the time but many people don't want to listen apart from counsellors.
How is the cat?
Take care
Lexy
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