A life in the day of.........................

[Grannie G]

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I was met by hustle and bustle when I arrived today. The owner [L] was putting up clean curtains and so chairs were pulled out towards the centre of the room just as they would be at home, and L was up the ladder.
Another carer, V was sorting videos and DVDs

Dhiren greeted me with his usual surprise, his lovely smile and open arms.

But he was very confused.

He thought I was in the way. The `workmen` were busy.
He thought I was talking to too many people. I wanted attention.
He thought I was talking too loud. `Why don`t you put it in the papers`.

He asked for paper and pen.
S `What for?`
D `To write things down.`
So I got out some paper and a pen.
S `What shall I write?`
D `Write what you can do and what I can do.`
S `What can you do?`
D `I don`t know.`

There was tennis on the television. One of his favourite players, Andy Ruddick, was playing.
He didn`t know him and had no interest in the match.

And then he really surprised me by asking me to take him to his room. I wasn`t aware he knew he had a room.
Paul takes him to his room but I don`t like the feeling of isolation so managed to distract him.

After an hour I felt I had outstayed my welcome.
Perhaps all the hustle and bustle had tired or unsettled him. I felt he needed a rest, so I left.

 

[Helen33]

`Write what you can do and what I can do.`

It really could have been the disruptions as Barry and Norrms have revealed. Alan always showed some signs of particular confusion when there was any disruption around the home. The above quote may show that having people being busy around the home may have made Dhiren feel disempowered (however slight) and therefore he was wanting a reminder of his abilities Thank goodness it is all fleeting these days with Dhiren and it will all be forgotten more or less instantaneously. Maybe this is why he wanted to go to his room as it is one thing he has to himself and you are the other and he wanted you to himself

It is good that the home is doing all it can to sort out the decor.

Love

 

[Nan2seven]

Dear Sylvia,
Such a lovely greeting from Dhiren.
I would have been a bit bemused by his later behaviour, though.
And dear Helen, what an insightful post.
Isn't this just what TP is all about: we all learn from each other.
Love, Nan XXX

 

[sunray]

Sylvia, it souds like my mum early on in her time in care. It was the week before Christmas and staff were decorating and she kept tugging at me and telling me we were in the way.

Do you have a routine you go through in Dhiren's room? Mum and I used to look at photos, read books together and also play her music box. Alas all that is behind us now as she is almost blind, has no language and cannot interact with others. So we sit in the public area and I give her hand massages or just sit by her side and enjoy her company.

Unfortunately the disease progresses (or regresses) and what they are able to do and enjoy changes and when the routine changes we have to find new ways to visit with our loved ones.

Sue.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Sue

Do you have a routine you go through in Dhiren's room?

I`m not happy in Dhiren`s room. I don`t like it very much and feel isolated. I don`t want him to spend too much time there while he still has some communication skills and is stimulated by the comings and goings.
Also he has to be wheeled into his room in a wheelchair so it`s hard for me to sit close to him. In the sitting room I pull my chair right next to his so we are closer.
Our son prefers to take him into his room when he visits so we have a balance.
For now, I feed him chocolate, give him any news I have, try to answer his questions, chat to other residents and staff while sitting with him, holding his hand and stroking his arm until it`s time to go.

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Dear Sylvia, the spring cleaning/decorating would almost certainly cause some residents to feel disconcerted. My mum became very sensitive to distractions.. and hustle and bustle would really get her goat.

I'm not surprised Dhiren was a bit out of sorts.

I suppose it was good that he asked you to take him to his room, even if you don't like the room much. At least he now seems to recognise that he HAs a room in the home.

If you find the room uncongenial, I wonder if it might be possible to ask if Dhiren could swap to another one?

There are always pros and cons with different rooms. One room my mother was offered was a ground floor room which would have been much more convenient for access and it was much less 'off the beaten track' than the upstairs room, but unfortunately it had a strong drawback. It was right next to the home's downstairs WC and every day residents were lined up in their chairs after meals outside this particular room. It was like Piccadilly Circus on a Friday night.

So plenty of people to pass the time of day with through the open door but mostly only one topic of conversation.. 'How long are they going to keep me waiting? '

 

[Grannie G]

Dhiren has a ground floor room and it too is opposite the toilet which I thought was an advantage when he first took residence. As he is only in his room to sleep, he is spared your mother`s `inconveniences` Deborah.

I wouldn`t change his room now. There is only one vacancy on the ground floor and that room is next to the Front Door. Even though Dhiren is no longer mobile, I wouldn`t want him reminding of a `way out`.

I have an exciting week ahead.

Billy Elliot starts tomorrow. I will be seeing it three times. With Paul and Julie on Monday, with my CPN and SW on Friday and with Julie`s mum and sister on Saturday.
I considered taking Dhiren to the matinee on Saturday but had second thoughts as I`m sure he wouldn`t be able to identify Harry on the stage in the middle of a full cast. Also although Harry has a main role as Michael, he isn`t on the stage too often.
Paul is trying to persuade Harry to perform for all the residents when we celebrate Dhiren`s birthday later this month.

 

[DeborahBlythe]

As he is only in his room to sleep, he is spared your mother`s `inconveniences` Deborah.

I wouldn`t change his room now. There is only one vacancy on the ground floor and that room is next to the Front Door. Even though Dhiren is no longer mobile, I wouldn`t want him reminding of a `way out`.

I have an exciting week ahead.

Billy Elliot starts tomorrow. I will be seeing it three times. With Paul and Julie on Monday, with my CPN and SW on Friday and with Julie`s mum and sister on Saturday.
I considered taking Dhiren to the matinee on Saturday but had second thoughts as I`m sure he wouldn`t be able to identify Harry on the stage in the middle of a full cast. Also although Harry has a main role as Michael, he isn`t on the stage too often.
Paul is trying to persuade Harry to perform for all the residents when we celebrate Dhiren`s birthday later this month.

Hello Sylvia, I fully understand why you wouldn't want the room near the front door for Dhiren. We turned down the room next to the toilet and my mum stayed upstairs. It was a bit far flung but it had a lovely view of a huge beech tree.

What a lovely week ahead for you, I do envy you. It would be great if Harry performed for the residents at the home: such a treat for them all. I hope Paul persuades him.x

 

[Nan2seven]

Dear Sylvia - What lovely plans for the week ahead. Do you think Paul will be able to persuade Harry to some of his songs at the care home? What a wonderful treat for Dhiren for his birthday, AND the rest of the residents as well.

Love, Nan XXX

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Nan.
It`s Harry`s birthday tomorrow so I took his card and present round this morning as he won`t have time tomorrow.
The family is exhausted and the show hasn`t started yet. Harry will be rehearsing today from 10am. till 6pm.
His dancing school often performs for elderly holidaymakers at a local hotel so he is used to being with older people. But whether he has the nerve to go solo is another matter.
We`ll have to see.

 

[Zadok]

I'm back tracking a bit on this thread , having just read the post about the cleaning in progress at the home.
It made me remember something that happened at Mum's home last year. Someone reading it might find it helpful if they have a similar problem in the future.
I arrived one afternoon to find mum sobbing quietly in a chair. The carers were almost as distressed as she was as they hadn't been able to help. All she would tell them was that her dog had died. Mum hadn't had a dog, at least not a real one for years and there isn't one at the home. They couldn't get her to move from the chair in the corridor, or even to join everyone else for lunch as she was too upset. I talked to her, but to no avail. I decided that we were all getting nowhere and that perhaps a change of scene would help. In the lift to her room she sobbed that she didn't want to die. I noticed as we passed the large lounge that all the chairs were piled into the centre of the room and the carpet was being cleaned.
In the car we chatted as best as she could, but it was all about there being lots of friends , but now, one by one they were dead. It was the war. She would be next.
It suddenly struck me that she'd seen the empty room. Couldn't find her friends, and all the war time fears and experiences had come back.
Egg and chips and a cuppa sorted out the bodily emptyness and then when we got back to the home a tour of the other lounge where all the residents were squashed in like sardines, and a tour of the still wet carpet sorted the other worries.
I don't know who was more uset when I'd explained, me or the care staff. Us post war children have no conception of the feelings hidden in the minds of this generation. Of course mum couldn't tell us because she doesn't have the words.
The same lounge carpet has been cleaned many times since, but mum is always told about it . I'm sure she was, in a way, that first time, but it just hadn't sunk in and she hadn't seen her friends go into the other lounge. What a frightening world dementia sufferers live in.

 

[Grannie G]

Today`s visit

I was doing so well until today.

Another joyful greeting from Dhiren but he looked on the verge of tears again. One of the carers told me he was upset during personal care and had been asking for me.
I calmed him and gave him some grapes.
He asked if I miss him.
My eyes filled. They are still filling as I write.
Of course I miss him. I miss him every day and I told him so.

He asked how long I would be staying. I said till 3 o`clock. He said it wasn`t long enough so I said I could stay as long as he wanted me to.
But he worried I`d be late for work.
And then he asked if I could get a permanent job there.
I told him the work was too hard for me as there would be too much lifting for my back.
And he agreed.

He wants to come home. He thinks he is still mobile. He thinks he needs no help.
But after a while he became accepting.

When I think back to how aggressive he was and see him now, I think `if only`.
Like so many others have thought before me.

 

[Helen33]

Dear Sylvia,

Your post is so emotional Sylvia that it just pierces the heart!!

Your day is going to be so mixed emotionally because you have your Harry to watch tonight!! Take the tissues

Love xx

 

[larivy]

sorry you had a sad visit today Sylvia enjoy watching Harry tonight love Larivy

 

[susiesue]

When I think back to how aggressive he was and see him now, I think `if only`.
Like so many others have thought before me.

Oh dear Sylvia - I think I am one of the 'so many others' - David now is very docile too and I think, if only.

These 'unpleasant' visits are so upsetting aren't they! When I arrived today to visit David at 10.30am he was still in bed!! Apparently he had spent the night wandering around and now he was tired......when I went into his room he was pleased to see me and then I found he was lying in a pool of wee......I too was very upset. The staff were great and got him showered and dressed immediately.

I suppose I am in the 'fortunate' position in that David can't ask me to take him home as I can imagine how upsetting that must be for you.

Lots of love and (((HUGS)))

 

[ROSEANN]

Dear Sylvia
It`s so upsetting to have them keep asking to come home.
I have this with every visit but also have the cry that he wants to die and be with his parents, and even says he will kill his self soon.
He is so ill now that he will be moved to a complex needs ward as soon as there is a bed.
We no longer let the grandchildren go as it upsets them to hear grandad talking like that.
I hope your next visit is not too bad.
Take care.
Love Roseann xx

 

[Izzy]

It must be heartbreaking Sylvia. I feel so much for you. Take care. Izzy x

 

[sad nell]

Just sending a hug Sylvia love Pam

 

[TinaT]

My love to you Sylvia. It is truely heratbreaking.

xxTinaT

 

[lesmisralbles]

Bullocks, I cannot help myself, got to talk

He asked if I miss him.
My eyes filled. They are still filling as I write.
Of course I miss him. I miss him every day and I told him so.
Quote G G

Every time I tried to write a reply to you, I deleted it.
I am looking at a photo of Ron.
I miss him every day.
I do care about you all X
Keep telling him you miss him, and keep telling him you love him XX

Barb X