I would appreciate any advice regarding depression. The further we go down this path of Alzheimer’s the more I find myself getting very weepy with the feeling that my life is over. I would like to know the opinions of others regarding medication from the doctor. I am fearful of getting addicted to drugs but know how depressed I feel. I have to admit that after a bad day today I found myself having a few sneaky alcoholic drinks to help with the depression . This worries me as I have seen alcohol dependency within the family and it frightens me to go down this road. My other half was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s five years ago and on the whole have been coping ok. The last few months I have noticed a deterioration in my OH and it is really hitting me hard. I would very much appreciate any thoughts and advice please.
Dear Linda
Sending you a big hug, from someone who relates so much to what you describe and are going through. From all the responses you have had, you know that you are not alone with all this, and that can help a bit, but not when you are faced again and again with the relentless physical and emotional challenges of caring for a much loved husband, having to be the one who is coping and managing everything when you feel that you can’t and in the absence of the one person who you would normally have turned to for help and support.
I won’t go into my experience now, but wanted to mention some really helpful articles that I found via google when I searched ‘ anticipatory grief” ..It brought up The caregivers space” ( which really focuses on cancer) but describes to a tee what us carers go through, and the ugliness at times of that. Having what I feel described so well was hugely reassuring and made me feel more normal and less crazy, but putting practical advice into action is very much harder ( and harder than reaching for the bottle , of alcohol or meds, that is for sure...). Acknowledging that we are grieving a huge loss now ( and not just anticipating the one to come) , with all the anger, fear, sadness (“depression”) that that entails is a start.
Medication is such a personal thing..I have been on and off them for a while now, swinging between feeling I have no option if I am to cope, and feeling like I don’t want to depend on that ( except maybe my brain is wired in such a way that it needs it) . There are so many different forms these days but can take a while then to find out what works for you, both type and dosage, once you have decided that is a path you want to try.
They say that exercise is as good if not better..but not easy to find time or motivation . 5 or ten minutes brisk walk a day?
Time off/ out....take a break or breakdown, says Hugh Marriott in A Selfish Pig’s guide to caring ( the best best best book about all aspects of caring from someone who has been there and got the t shirt) . Again easier said than done. My OH used to go to a day centre on the two days I was at work, and didn’t like it at all. Now I have given up work, I still need a day off, but he really really doesn’t want to go back to it and I cannot help feeling guilty making him ( if I can), even though I know it is the right thing. Guilt because he is the one suffering and I am making that worse by my inability to cope without a break of some sort....
Need to go and help him get up ...
One step at a time...
Pippa x