Morning all,
Its hard to know which is worse, Spamar - no conversation or too much! Mil always was a chatterbox, but there are days now where 'chatterbox' is actually an understatement. Sometimes, I'll be working at the computer and she will come in, sit down and start - I'll let it go on for so long, then I'll very politely tell her I'm working and ask would she mind going and watching TV or whatever as I have to concentrate. IF she is feeling reasonable, she will apologise but rather than go watch the telly, she'll tell me she will be quiet - and then she will start talking to the dogs! Just as loud, just as incessant, just as rambling and exactly as though she were talking to me - I usually give up at that point, lol!
I haven't had to face the 'getting used to residential' dilemma, but I would imagine this is another form of grieving for you, Spamar - getting used to a massive change and loss in your life. Its a good idea to talk to your GP, I think - I hope yours can help xxxx
Sometimes, I have to be awfully blunt with Mil about the need for washing, JM - I avoid it when I can, but even with her living here, I can't always get her into the bath (if I manage it once a week at the moment I'm doing OK and if I manage it twice, its cause for celebration! ) and have often had to resort to a blunt 'I'm sorry, but you are beginning to smell bad - you have to wash'.
The biggest issue for her is the stress incontinence - if she has dumped the tenna pad early in the day, usually at day care, then by the time she has got home and has been 'leaking' everytime she coughs, sneezes or laughs, then she can smell pretty ripe - and she is oblivious to it
Success as far as the pull ups go, yesterday morning!!! She kept them on and the bed stayed dry
I honestly didn't expect that, given the mood of the night before, so it was a BIG bonus! No idea about today yet, but I'm perserveering on the grounds that if it can work once . . .
Yesterday turned into a pretty bad afternoon and evening, I'm afraid - more to do with me, than Mil, in a way
Usual confabulations and delusions throughout the morning, including an carzy insistance that her shoulder was aching because she hurt it when she was trying 'to learn how to jump like all the other girls' and that it wouldn't have happened if I'd bought her a 'proper rope'. She actually injured her shoulder in a fall, maybe 5 years or so ago, and has had restricted mobility and pain because of that since, but yesterday morning I had half an hour where she was adamant that the aching was down to me not getting her a skipping rope. The mind boggles!
Off to her friends in the afternoon - which is where the trouble started! Her friend is the lovliest person, she was a massive help - more than we realised at the time - when Mil was still living in her own home, BUT I have one big issue with her. She insists on providing Mil with cakes when Mil visits. Not just little cakes, and not just one at a time - she buys packs of luxury cream filled eclairs and donoughts, huge things absolutely laden with sugar and calories, and despite me politely remonstrating, despite me even having very firmly (but politely) having spelled out how Mil is struggling with weight and the impact its having, despite me reminding her several times about Mils diabetes, every week she hands at least one, and sometimes 2 or 3, to Mil - she insists that the box must be emptied before Mil leaves (Mad thing is, she is a diabetic too and won't eat them herself on the grounds that they are 'bad for her'!). Mil, having polished off one large cake yesterday, was handed another - and to my fury, when I tried to remonstrate, not only did Mil tell me (very smugly) that it was 'none of my business', OH actually laughed it off and did nothing to back me up. I was left feeling like I was a killjoy hell bent on kicking up a fuss about nothing
. I seethed quietly about it all the way to our next stop at the supermarket - we got there, and OH and dau needed the loo (at the other end of the store) so after checking that Mil wasn't 'in need' , I waited with her in her wheelchair while they went. As soon as they were out of hailing distance, Mil decided she needed the loo 'desperately', so although I'm not supposed to push the chair, I had to wheel her down to the toilets. Getting out of the chair, she grabbed at my arm, and in trying to dodge it, I wrenched my back. And I saw red - both she and OH when he came out of the toilets - got it both barrels. I wasn't at all polite, I think at one point I referred to her as 'Two Ton Tessie' (I know, I know, I should absolutely NOT have done that
) and obviously it caused a row
I could barely bring myself to speak to Mil for the rest of the evening - I told her very firmly to 'please leave me alone', and stayed well out of her way, I didn't even eat with them all - I just couldn't face it. OH's stance is that once a week won't do much damage and I need to back off and 'let her have some pleasure' - my stance is that I don't consider that it is once a week, that I feel like I'm battling with her being allowed to over indulge most of the time at day care as well as when she visits her mate, so it really
does matter, because her weight is affecting both her health and my back. I did say to him that if he were the one having to do 99% of the personal care, if it caused him discomfort and if he also saw how distressed she got when she gets breathless because things like getting dressed are harder for her with the excess weight, he would have a different attitude. He just kept going back to the 'its only once a week' argument.
Having slept on it, I still don't know which of us is being unreasonable - I do know that the discomfort I get with my back (which is a deteriorating condition, and would eventually get worse anyway, even without Mil around) is a big part of it for me, but I also get the point about how she has to have some pleasures in life - God Knows, she isn't able to enjoy a lot because of the dementia. I just can't work out if I am over-reacting or not.
Quiet(ish) day today - My plan is to finish the wedding pics (nearly done) and yet again tackle son's student finance paperwork - I thought that was all done, but apparently I made a mistake on the first lot I filled in, so it has to be re-done - otherwise he won't get the Welsh Grant he is entitled too, which makes a massive difference to his money - and Oh, I do hate paperwork!.
Hope you all have a good day - Red, hope the house clearing is moving along quickly and smoothly, and that you are feeling OK, Hun xxxxxx
