Tonight I actually snapped

[LYN T]

Dave I hope you are feeling better this morning

Please prepare yourself now for when you feel like this again. Can you arrange for your wife to go to daycare a couple of times a week? Sell it to her that she could 'help out' with teas etc. It's your wife's income/savings that will be assessed not yours.

I looked after P for 7 years at home and he only started Daycare 5 months before he went to a CH-I really wish I had insisted that he went earlier. Yes I did insist as P didn't want to go-generally he liked it once he was inside. Sometimes you have to ignore the person you care for when they say 'I don't want' and go for what you NEED

Take care

Lyn T

 

[marsaday]

Hi Dave - have you seriously considered a care home?

This is exactly why we need them cause carers can't cope with this disease. My Mum's in one. I knew I could never have her with me (long story) but I did help her a lot and was her main carer until it was no longer possible for her to be at home. As another poster said a dfay centre can be a life saver and my Mum loved hers.

FIL also wnet to one but hated it. Though after his wife died I remember occasions where my SIL and me where standing in the kitchen with the bus driver and he was refusing to go. We were telling him he had to go and SIL was crying as she had to go to work. Eventually we got him out the door and he went. This was a life saver for my SIL who couldn't have gone to work otherwise. She did her best having him live with her for a year then he went into care. It comes to the best of us.

What is you feeling about full-time care?

 

[Ann Mac]

Hi Dave - I hope you are feeling better today, and I also hope that somehow, you can arrange some sort of respite for yourself . I couldn't cope with Mils demands IF we didn't have the day centre to give us just a few hours free every week - in fact, had a difficult afternoon with her yesterday, and I snapped at her too in the end, so I am extremely glad that today is a day care day. x

 

[Raggedrobin]

Hi Dave, I know you are feeling it's a new day and all that, but please don't ignore what happened yesterday. It will happen again, so please please get in touch with social services, get a carer assessment done (or redone, if you already had one) so that you can get a few things in place for the future. X

 

[jeany123]

I hope you are feeling better this morning and more able to cope,

Best wishes Jeany x

 

[flowerpot]

Hi Dave, I'm hoping this morning is better than last night!

You really need to have a carers assessment done! We struggled on for over three and a half years with my MiL. She lived with us in our home. We had day care twice a week until the taxis wouldn't take her any more (that's another story)!

To be able to do what you do you need help. Believe me I'm not one to ask for anything but I got to the end of my tether and we did everything that we could both mentally and physically until our daughter tried to take her own life last July partly down to the stress of the situation and other things going on in her own personal life!

It opened our eyes and we realized that we just couldn't go on any more!

MiL is now in a NH as she now has to be moved with a full body hoist and she is well looked after and we have our life back and like you we work from home so can concentrate on that now.

As for family........well we got no help. My youngest son said that we should have known what we were taking on!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry going on a bit here! All I'm trying to say is that there comes a time when you can't go on and you need that help! So get it now before it's too late xx

 

[Dave K]

Good morning

Thanks for all the kind messages I have read this morning, it does help

As I said last night OH is walking about this morning as if nothing happened because she can not remember what happened or what was said so I am pleased for this in a weird sort of way.

I will not do anything until the visit to the Memory clinic on the 2nd July as it is so close (13 days) - I have managed for so long that I think I can rough it out for a few more days where we will, hopefully, have the results of the CEPT scan taken a few weeks ago. Once I have the full picture then I can speak to the memory team, but blokes being blokes I will find it very hard to ask for help, I know, before you all tell me off, I have to do something about for my health as well as being their for my wife.

Anyway, it's Thursday, new day, new morning just like every other morning for the longest time

Just want to report in and say thanks and wish me luck on the 2nd July

 

[flowerpot]

Good luck for the 2nd July and make sure you ask questions of anything that you're not sure about!

 

[Gknee]

'

Hi Dave - there is so much great advice and encouragement about what to do on a practical level here that there's nothing I can add. I do hope you follow some of the excellent ideas suggested.

The main thing I pick up from your post though, is hurt. On an emotional level, try to bear in mind that your wife's 'sainted' children are a product of her damaged memory. The reality of their unwillingness to acknowledge her illness and therefore to help her is clearly something you find upsetting. You are entirely justified! In my experience there is sometimes no bridging the gap between the sufferer's reality and ours. I'm finding it difficult myself to be mentally strong and have to remind myself constantly that me and my mum ( who I care for) inhabit different worlds at times.

I really hope you find the help and support you so deserve.

Gknee

 

[Rathbone]

Good morning

Thanks for all the kind messages I have read this morning, it does help

As I said last night OH is walking about this morning as if nothing happened because she can not remember what happened or what was said so I am pleased for this in a weird sort of way.

I will not do anything until the visit to the Memory clinic on the 2nd July as it is so close (13 days) - I have managed for so long that I think I can rough it out for a few more days where we will, hopefully, have the results of the CEPT scan taken a few weeks ago. Once I have the full picture then I can speak to the memory team, but blokes being blokes I will find it very hard to ask for help, I know, before you all tell me off, I have to do something about for my health as well as being their for my wife.

Anyway, it's Thursday, new day, new morning just like every other morning for the longest time

Just want to report in and say thanks and wish me luck on the 2nd July

I do Dave, of course and please see my PM. Loving thoughts X Shelagh

 

[kayze]

Hi dave,
Glad to hear from you this morning, and I hope today is better for you.
Good luck on the 2nd July.

Kay.

 

[Sue J]

Once I have the full picture then I can speak to the memory team, but blokes being blokes I will find it very hard to ask for help, I know, before you all tell me off, I have to do something about for my health as well as being their for my wife.

Hi Dave,

Don't want to tell you off what for? being in a seemingly impossible situation, it's just different perspectives when you can't see the wood for the trees.

It isn't just blokes that find it hard to ask for help but I think it can be harder for some men when they find themselves in the position of caregiver, not for any particular reason but it just is.

Strength for the day
Best
Sue

 

[Noorza]

Just to say I hope you are not beating yourself up today, I take to the bunkers when it gets too hard but am lucky to have my own home to bunker down in. I could not do this 24/7 and that is just me being honest. I wish I was more saintly but I am not. My utmost respect goes to those who can.

 

[Dave K]

Hi Dave,

Don't want to tell you off what for? being in a seemingly impossible situation, it's just different perspectives when you can't see the wood for the trees.

It isn't just blokes that find it hard to ask for help but I think it can be harder for some men when they find themselves in the position of caregiver, not for any particular reason but it just is.

Strength for the day
Best
Sue

Hi Sue

I have always been the person that everyone came to for help and guidance, so after all these years I think it is time for a bit of TLC but I am too proud to ask for it

I did turn down any form of help at the beginning when the memory lady came to access my OH, biggest mistake I made in my life that was

Like I said I will wait until the 2nd July 2014 now and humbly accept any invitation of help this time

 

[Dave K]

Just to say I hope you are not beating yourself up today, I take to the bunkers when it gets too hard but am lucky to have my own home to bunker down in. I could not do this 24/7 and that is just me being honest. I wish I was more saintly but I am not. My utmost respect goes to those who can.

Nope, feeling better now thank you, on my 6th coffee, 4 more to go before I get back to my complete normal self

My bunker is taking Zeus for a walk especially when I accidentally forget to take my dog and bone (phone) with me

 

[Sue J]

I have always been the person that everyone came to for help and guidance, so after all these years I think it is time for a bit of TLC but I am too proud to ask for it

I did turn down any form of help at the beginning when the memory lady came to access my OH, biggest mistake I made in my life that was

Like I said I will wait until the 2nd July 2014 now and humbly accept any invitation of help this time

But you didn't know then what you know now did you?

You do need some TLC but really noone likes asking for it they just want their need to be recognised.

Enjoy your Zeus time.

 

[Noorza]

Good idea to leave the dog and bone at home........ It's nice to chat to other dog lovers whilst on a walk and leave your cares at home.

I go on carer's trips to various places, I went to Bakewell at weekend, it was lovely, I wondered if you have looked into similar trips or activities locally.

 

[Dave K]

But you didn't know then what you know now did you?

You do need some TLC but really noone likes asking for it they just want their need to be recognised.

Enjoy your Zeus time.

I know, I know, It's just hard asking for it, I feel like I have failed if I ask

Blokes... I don't know

 

[Dave K]

Good idea to leave the dog and bone at home........ It's nice to chat to other dog lovers whilst on a walk and leave your cares at home.

I go on carer's trips to various places, I went to Bakewell at weekend, it was lovely, I wondered if you have looked into similar trips or activities locally.

Dog and bone, definitely when my dog is chasing his bone (ball) around the field

Trips, I would not entertain them, it would start and end in disaster with my OH, so best to keep things as they are

 

[Tin]

Good morning

Thanks for all the kind messages I have read this morning, it does help

As I said last night OH is walking about this morning as if nothing happened because she can not remember what happened or what was said so I am pleased for this in a weird sort of way.

I will not do anything until the visit to the Memory clinic on the 2nd July as it is so close (13 days) - I have managed for so long that I think I can rough it out for a few more days where we will, hopefully, have the results of the CEPT scan taken a few weeks ago. Once I have the full picture then I can speak to the memory team, but blokes being blokes I will find it very hard to ask for help, I know, before you all tell me off, I have to do something about for my health as well as being their for my wife.

Anyway, it's Thursday, new day, new morning just like every other morning for the longest time

Just want to report in and say thanks and wish me luck on the 2nd July

good morning dave. I finally 'worked it out'