I’m trying not to be angry!
AND FAILING!!!
So I asked my daughter yesterday afternoon would she go in to see if Grandad was being put to bed after lunch as had been repeatedly agreed with staff. Otherwise he’s bent over head on chest sagging forward in the upright chair asleep
Yep you got it ...... she was told he didn’t want to lie down when asked!
The same man who when asked do you want a drink/ food/ etc says no & then will eat or drink when offered the food etc!!!!
So my daughter sat with her Grandad & tried to make him comfortable in the upright chair! Not possible & she kept lifting his head & trying to get him in a position that was not going to cause pain in his back & shoulder.
Then at tea time they produced the giant tablets & asked my daughter if she would mind giving them to her Grandad / my Dad to encourage him to chew them up to make them easier to swallow...... he’s now on patches to stop him having to take the large codeine one & still no crushing of the other meds meds happening! Yet they do it for others which are more able than Dad!
WHAT IS GOING ON!!!
Then tea is brought out.......
Sandwiches, crisps, half a burger- no of course Dad doesn’t want that he can’t swallow properly!!
So soup was an alternative & with my daughter holding the bowl up to him she helped him & encouraged him to hold the spoon & repeatedly prompted him. She did this again with some rice pudding. Imagine her surprise when a carer took a picture of my dad holding a spoon!
She asked why & was told so they could show me he was eating a little
Why didn’t they then text this photo to me to help alleviate my concerns ... after all they sent photos of his outings he’s been on in the past.
I am now suspicious of the intent behind this. Surely if you wanted to take photos to reassure you’d say to my daughter let’s take a photo of you & Grandad while he’s having his tea so Mum can see he’s a bit better?
I am often in the home & I have seen them take pictures of activities etc but never people eating a meal! I often help Dad at mealtimes & no one has ever photographed him before.
I now distrust the homes motives, after yesterday’s debacle I feel that certain carers are closing ranks as of course they will do.
Hopefully enough evidence to get Dad the help he requires but feel as if I shouldn’t all the time have to provide evidence to support my requests
I’m in bits!
So husband is off to see if Aged Mother ( in respite care) wants to visit Dad
( in his care home )
I can’t face seeing him bent double in pain, & not say anything to staff. My husband is joint LPA & needs to step in as obviously they are not going to take any notice of me!
If the doctors advice isn’t followed, my request for Dads hospital bed to be reinstated is met with not really possible as his room with the ( non flushing toilet ) is apparently to small & furniture would need to be moved! I really don’t know how many times I can ask for Dad not to be left bent double in his chair as it causes him extra pain In his spine & shoulder.
They always have an excuse he said no, but he never says no when I’m there.
He loves listening to classical music & even when speech is beyond him he taps his feet at times between drifting between his different levels of consciousness.
Please folks .... tell me am I being unreasonable in my requests. Yes dementia fluctuates in all people it’s part of the disease but am I not seeing a bigger picture here.
Yes there is 24 hour care
But each time he’s fallen no one has called me to tell me.
I arrive in to visit to find him bandaged & bruised.
I have made allowances but repeatedly they call the doctor & don’t inform me. Despite my requests & polite insistence that they let me know what’s happening.
My Dad has assaulted two members of staff & yet no management have spoken to me only one of the assaulted members of staff!
That’s not right is it ... or is it??
Recently the home have had a large changeover of staff with one of them giving me her phone number. I don’t want to drag anymore people into this, & up until a couple of months ago I would have said this home deserved its exemplary CQC rating.
No I’m not going down that path again, Mums GP was enough! I can’t fight the systems anymore. It’s just I can see a care homes a business & it’s easy to tell who is self funding & who is council funded.
Dads diabetic & yet he pays for the podiatrist to do his feet. No O/T assessment, the optician called in the summer & another self funding client got Dads appointment. & I was told that he would be put on the list. Every time I ask about test results etc I’m told they are fine
Obviously they are not!!!
Oh by going through this methodically in my head and posting on this forum I can see I’ve let things slide! It’s my fault I should have been more forceful, I’ve let my Dad down
AND FAILING!!!
So I asked my daughter yesterday afternoon would she go in to see if Grandad was being put to bed after lunch as had been repeatedly agreed with staff. Otherwise he’s bent over head on chest sagging forward in the upright chair asleep
Yep you got it ...... she was told he didn’t want to lie down when asked!
The same man who when asked do you want a drink/ food/ etc says no & then will eat or drink when offered the food etc!!!!
So my daughter sat with her Grandad & tried to make him comfortable in the upright chair! Not possible & she kept lifting his head & trying to get him in a position that was not going to cause pain in his back & shoulder.
Then at tea time they produced the giant tablets & asked my daughter if she would mind giving them to her Grandad / my Dad to encourage him to chew them up to make them easier to swallow...... he’s now on patches to stop him having to take the large codeine one & still no crushing of the other meds meds happening! Yet they do it for others which are more able than Dad!
WHAT IS GOING ON!!!
Then tea is brought out.......
Sandwiches, crisps, half a burger- no of course Dad doesn’t want that he can’t swallow properly!!
So soup was an alternative & with my daughter holding the bowl up to him she helped him & encouraged him to hold the spoon & repeatedly prompted him. She did this again with some rice pudding. Imagine her surprise when a carer took a picture of my dad holding a spoon!
She asked why & was told so they could show me he was eating a little
Why didn’t they then text this photo to me to help alleviate my concerns ... after all they sent photos of his outings he’s been on in the past.
I am now suspicious of the intent behind this. Surely if you wanted to take photos to reassure you’d say to my daughter let’s take a photo of you & Grandad while he’s having his tea so Mum can see he’s a bit better?
I am often in the home & I have seen them take pictures of activities etc but never people eating a meal! I often help Dad at mealtimes & no one has ever photographed him before.
I now distrust the homes motives, after yesterday’s debacle I feel that certain carers are closing ranks as of course they will do.
Hopefully enough evidence to get Dad the help he requires but feel as if I shouldn’t all the time have to provide evidence to support my requests
I’m in bits!
So husband is off to see if Aged Mother ( in respite care) wants to visit Dad
( in his care home )
I can’t face seeing him bent double in pain, & not say anything to staff. My husband is joint LPA & needs to step in as obviously they are not going to take any notice of me!
If the doctors advice isn’t followed, my request for Dads hospital bed to be reinstated is met with not really possible as his room with the ( non flushing toilet ) is apparently to small & furniture would need to be moved! I really don’t know how many times I can ask for Dad not to be left bent double in his chair as it causes him extra pain In his spine & shoulder.
They always have an excuse he said no, but he never says no when I’m there.
He loves listening to classical music & even when speech is beyond him he taps his feet at times between drifting between his different levels of consciousness.
Please folks .... tell me am I being unreasonable in my requests. Yes dementia fluctuates in all people it’s part of the disease but am I not seeing a bigger picture here.
Yes there is 24 hour care
But each time he’s fallen no one has called me to tell me.
I arrive in to visit to find him bandaged & bruised.
I have made allowances but repeatedly they call the doctor & don’t inform me. Despite my requests & polite insistence that they let me know what’s happening.
My Dad has assaulted two members of staff & yet no management have spoken to me only one of the assaulted members of staff!
That’s not right is it ... or is it??
Recently the home have had a large changeover of staff with one of them giving me her phone number. I don’t want to drag anymore people into this, & up until a couple of months ago I would have said this home deserved its exemplary CQC rating.
No I’m not going down that path again, Mums GP was enough! I can’t fight the systems anymore. It’s just I can see a care homes a business & it’s easy to tell who is self funding & who is council funded.
Dads diabetic & yet he pays for the podiatrist to do his feet. No O/T assessment, the optician called in the summer & another self funding client got Dads appointment. & I was told that he would be put on the list. Every time I ask about test results etc I’m told they are fine
Obviously they are not!!!
Oh by going through this methodically in my head and posting on this forum I can see I’ve let things slide! It’s my fault I should have been more forceful, I’ve let my Dad down