Nearly 2 weeks into her stay, my wife seems to be settling into her residential home. If not exactly happy she at least seems more content than she was when at home. It is still early days, but things seem to be moving in the right direction.
After a week of not visiting her, I have been to see her every day this week so far, for about an hour each time. It doesn't seem like much of a commitment after caring for her at home every day for 5 years. But I am wondering whether visiting every day is of benefit to either of us. Perhaps I should be shifting the focus of my life so that - whilst visiting her remains important - it is not centred around the visits as it seems to be at the moment. I am not sure whether my visits are beneficial or unsettling for my wife but suspect that they may be neither, just something else that gets forgotten straightaway.
I have not found the visits onerous but, with no real conversation, generally quite boring. It takes only 20 minutes to get there by bike and slightly less by car. Twice I have cycled there and plotted out a variety of different routes for my new commute. Twice I have taken the dog with me. I have been to see her mid-morning so that the call to lunch gives me an easy way to leave and mid-afternoon so the teatime call does likewise. Only once has she tried to follow me out.
My wife has been in good spirits, sits still whilst we talk, has been out for walks and visited a coffee shop with the staff, and had her hair washed and dried by the hairdresser. We have been out in the garden and I took some photographs of her playing the fool, with the kind of smile that I haven't seen in many months. Yesterday a male resident took exception to me being in 'his' house, especially as he was in night shift, and the nonsense conversation that ensued helped to while away the time. My wife told me she was clean and that her bed is very comfortable. She sometimes seems to know that she is not at home but without being bothered by it.
I have learned a few things. My wife has rarely mentioned going 'home'. After an initial effusive greeting she has paid little attention to the dog or asked about him when he isn't with me. Taking the dog just seems to give her something to nag me about (has he been fed?, is he tired?, does he need a walk? etc.) so I’m not sure whether I’ll do it very often. Her major concern has been to visit her gran who she now believes lives in the cottages across the way. Apart from the new location, this is no change from when she was living here with me. It seems that she has almost given up asking where K is, a great relief as she used to ask this of me all the time. Her interminable conversations with herself and muttering rudely under her breath about all and sundry seem reduced. Her anxiety at living under the surveillance of the (imaginary) dog-snatchers seems to have gone. With no stairs to go up, her need to go upstairs to 'wash her hands' or 'look for another coat' has lessened. Her penchant for wearing excess layers of clothes is undiminished.
After a week of not visiting her, I have been to see her every day this week so far, for about an hour each time. It doesn't seem like much of a commitment after caring for her at home every day for 5 years. But I am wondering whether visiting every day is of benefit to either of us. Perhaps I should be shifting the focus of my life so that - whilst visiting her remains important - it is not centred around the visits as it seems to be at the moment. I am not sure whether my visits are beneficial or unsettling for my wife but suspect that they may be neither, just something else that gets forgotten straightaway.
I have not found the visits onerous but, with no real conversation, generally quite boring. It takes only 20 minutes to get there by bike and slightly less by car. Twice I have cycled there and plotted out a variety of different routes for my new commute. Twice I have taken the dog with me. I have been to see her mid-morning so that the call to lunch gives me an easy way to leave and mid-afternoon so the teatime call does likewise. Only once has she tried to follow me out.
My wife has been in good spirits, sits still whilst we talk, has been out for walks and visited a coffee shop with the staff, and had her hair washed and dried by the hairdresser. We have been out in the garden and I took some photographs of her playing the fool, with the kind of smile that I haven't seen in many months. Yesterday a male resident took exception to me being in 'his' house, especially as he was in night shift, and the nonsense conversation that ensued helped to while away the time. My wife told me she was clean and that her bed is very comfortable. She sometimes seems to know that she is not at home but without being bothered by it.
I have learned a few things. My wife has rarely mentioned going 'home'. After an initial effusive greeting she has paid little attention to the dog or asked about him when he isn't with me. Taking the dog just seems to give her something to nag me about (has he been fed?, is he tired?, does he need a walk? etc.) so I’m not sure whether I’ll do it very often. Her major concern has been to visit her gran who she now believes lives in the cottages across the way. Apart from the new location, this is no change from when she was living here with me. It seems that she has almost given up asking where K is, a great relief as she used to ask this of me all the time. Her interminable conversations with herself and muttering rudely under her breath about all and sundry seem reduced. Her anxiety at living under the surveillance of the (imaginary) dog-snatchers seems to have gone. With no stairs to go up, her need to go upstairs to 'wash her hands' or 'look for another coat' has lessened. Her penchant for wearing excess layers of clothes is undiminished.