I can't tell you how I feel, the nearest I can get is numb
Hello to you wife not carer, I do hope the day went as best as it could for you and you had something special to do after you left the home.
Today we have both been very brave. Yes, my OH went in for respite but at the moment I don't know if he will be home again. Your description of numbness as you labelled, packed and put a show of calm was going on here too. Except the packing was going on in secret as I had been told not to tell him. I had grave misgivings about that but actually it turned out fine and the manager rang to say he had actually played ball games (never has before!) and chatted with the residents. So there he is having fun whilst I feel heavy of heart and wondering how life will be.
The last six months have been ones of increasing violence, hallucinations, wet carpets and sleepless nights.
I am sure that we can tell ourselves we have done the very best we can and deserve a break. This afternoon I actually went out for a walk. The first one for a year.
Very best wishes to you.x
Hi MoodyC Very Best Wishes to you too. I entered the home with OH with my stomach churning like a washing machine on spin, thinking I was going to be sick or pass out. However the staff were lovely and so welcoming that within 10 minutes I had relaxed and was laughing and joking (as was OH) while we went over all the personal details, medication, daily routine, etc. His room is lovely with a view through the gardens and up to the hills beyond. It seems very spacious, has a 'hospital' bed with a remote to tilt the top end for sitting up or getting out of bed and an en suite wet room with WHB, WC and walk in shower. The senior carer already had lots of information about OH with reports from his respite stays and from the carers who have been coming morning and evening for the past two months. Because it is in our own village, our own GP regularly visits and is 'on call' for the home and our usual Health Visitor will come there to administer OH's 3 monthly vit B12 injections. OH had scotch broth followed by Haggis Neeps and tatties (both favorites of his) declined trifle and promptly nodded off while we finished the paperwork. I had to zoom off to Council HQ to sign an agreement to pay the (gulp) monthly charge but OH let me go with no fuss and a cheery 'see you tomorrow', as he went off on the guided tour and to meet his fellow residents.
I did a small week's shopping for one (half the usual price) and then home to catch up on some sleep. This evening I went out for a meal with Daughter#2 her husband and our granddaughter, then home and ready for an early night. I'll go back tomorrow to take his wee TV and his breathing and purring kitten. One of the other residents in the unit stopped by for a chat with her 'toy' cuddly cat and is anxious to see the kitten and has promised to help OH care for it. All is well and calm.
Hi MoodyC Very Best Wishes to you too. I entered the home with OH with my stomach churning like a washing machine on spin, thinking I was going to be sick or pass out. However the staff were lovely and so welcoming that within 10 minutes I had relaxed and was laughing and joking (as was OH) while we went over all the personal details, medication, daily routine, etc. His room is lovely with a view through the gardens and up to the hills beyond. It seems very spacious, has a 'hospital' bed with a remote to tilt the top end for sitting up or getting out of bed and an en suite wet room with WHB, WC and walk in shower. The senior carer already had lots of information about OH with reports from his respite stays and from the carers who have been coming morning and evening for the past two months. Because it is in our own village, our own GP regularly visits and is 'on call' for the home and our usual Health Visitor will come there to administer OH's 3 monthly vit B12 injections. OH had scotch broth followed by Haggis Neeps and tatties (both favorites of his) declined trifle and promptly nodded off while we finished the paperwork. I had to zoom off to Council HQ to sign an agreement to pay the (gulp) monthly charge but OH let me go with no fuss and a cheery 'see you tomorrow', as he went off on the guided tour and to meet his fellow residents.
I did a small week's shopping for one (half the usual price) and then home to catch up on some sleep. This evening I went out for a meal with Daughter#2 her husband and our granddaughter, then home and ready for an early night. I'll go back tomorrow to take his wee TV and his breathing and purring kitten. One of the other residents in the unit stopped by for a chat with her 'toy' cuddly cat and is anxious to see the kitten and has promised to help OH care for it. All is well and calm.
What she is counting seems to matter less than the pleasure she derives from the act of counting
Daughter was very distressed as she has never seen him like this before. He has only ever had these outbursts when alone with me.
5 minutes until we set off and I am so hurt by what he said that I am determined to have a great time just to spite him.Don’t let it ruin your break @Wifenotcarer
You know your husband wouldn’t enjoy the holiday and would ruin it for you too. I hope you all have a lovely break.
That is so true. Even with family, not necessarily entirely normal, but they don't always see it as it is. I think PWD do put on an act when in the company of others.When one is so wrapped up in dementia's daily demands it is easy to forget that to the outside world things can look entirely normal.
Hi @Wifenotcarer i imagine my OH would be like this. He is paranoid about me having another man. If I go out for a short walk with the walking group I get a tirade if abuse on my return. I have a support worker taking him out on Friday afternoon for the first time this week and he thinks it’s so I can go out with other men!Social Worker phoned to invite me to the 3 week review. She said that reports from the home indicate that OH has settled well, is indeed 'the perfect resident'. Friends, Daughters and now our Grandson who have visited have all had pleasant visits with OH pleased to see them and happy when it is time for them to go.
Not the same on my visits. Trying to converse is like pulling teeth. My attempts to show affection via a cuddle, handholding or (heaven forfend) a kiss! have all been rebuffed. Things came to a head yesterday. Apparently he had heard Grandson talking to one of the carers, telling her that we are all off for a week's holiday. This is true. Before the Care Home place became available, OH was booked for a weeks respite for the holiday. His Choice after much discussion. We are going to a rental house in the Western Isles, where we have gone as a family for 10 years. The last two years OH has not wanted to make the trip mainly because it involves either a 5 hour ferry trip or a flight in a small plane. Last year he moaned the whole time, would not attend any events or go to the beach, forcing me to stay with him in the house, while the others enjoyed themselves.
Anyway, once we were alone in the home he launched a tirade of venom, accusing me of being 'off to Ireland chasing men' and that I had had him locked up so that I could go gallivanting. Then our younger daughter arrived and I thought he would revert to his usual affable self, but no, she was also accused of 'always being on your Mother's side', plotting against him, etc. etc. When she quietly pointed out that he had 'chosen' NOT to go, he denied this saying HIS choice was for us all to stay at home to look after him. She suggested that this was a mite selfish, he exploded with anger saying that I was the selfish one, who was shuttling him from pillar to post to suit myself.
Daughter was very distressed as she has never seen him like this before. He has only ever had these outbursts when alone with me. Thankfully, a carer popped her head in to announce Tea and he immediately turned on the charm with her. We left without a goodby or anything. I know it is the illness, not his kind and loving self, but feel that the long awaited break has been ruined before it has started.