hello
@Reardoa
does your dad know that he doesn't have to take on the care for his mum on his own, indeed the duty of care lies with her Local Authority
your gran is entitled to an assessment of her care needs by her Local Authority Adult Services - when you or he contacts them say that you are not at all sure of her financial position and don't give any info, as a financial assessment should follow the care needs assessment - if she has income and savings over a certain level she will fund her care, otherwise the LA will at least part fund
from the assessment a care plan will be put in place which can include home care visits, day care, respite and a visit by an OT to look at aids and adaptions to the house that may help - including a carephone system which links to operators who can speak to your gran
knowing that care is in place may give your dad some peace of mind - do tell him that he need not answer every call she makes, he can chose when to call her back - maybe record an answerphone message in his voice saying eg I am a bit busy right now mum. I will call you back, so go relax in your chair right now .... or something that will settle her
he is also entitled to a carer's assessment from the LA
talking to an Admiral Nurse may help as they are there to support carers and family
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
your dad may be concerned about finances - reassure him that he is not responsible for paying for his mother's care, and also that she will not have to sell her property to pay for care at home, although should she move into a care home she may need to sell
also look into applying for Attendance Allowance for her, this is not means tested, it is awarded to all who qualify by need - and when that is in place, apply to the Council for her Council Tax to be disregarded ie if she lives on her own, she will not pay any - so these help with finances too
it's also wise to get Lasting Powers of Attorney in place - maybe with you and your dad as joint and several Attorneys so you can help them both
I'm mentioning all this as it may help your dad to know that there are practical ways to help the situation, and you can, if you wish, look into all this for him to take some weight from his shoulders
post with any questions you have
and maybe suggest your dad join us here so he finds out that he is not at all alone with finding it tough to be suddenly placed in the role of carer - and he'll also see that we each find ways to cope, not perfectly but well enough to get by