What to do...

[njb73]

Hello everyone my name is Nick.
I am hoping someone out there can give me advice on how to help my parents.

My mum who is 70 years old is showing all symptoms of Paranoid Dementia / Psychosis.

It started June 2023 and has progressively gotten worse.

My mum firmly believes everything she is saying and what she is thinking about. This has caused a lot of stress and tension throughout the family. Her main paranoia is towards my dad who is 77. Here is a short list of things that have happened.

Convinced he is having an affair with different women at different times.
Accused him of having an affair with my wife and also confronted my wife about it.
Convinced he has been taking money over the years into separate bank accounts
Convinced he has another house that he is doing up
Convinced he is leaving the house during the night
She sees footprints in the carpet that are not there
Convinced he is drugging her and won't accept anything he makes for her
Convinced he is trying to get her commited
Thinks he is using drugs
Convinced he has another phone and hears it buzzing and ringing
Smells things that no one else can
Convinced of yellow powder everywhere, and nothing there when she shows you
Shows aggression towards him unexpectedly out of nowhere
Stops my dad talking with me as she believes he is turning me against her
Finds things that have been there for years and claims they are new which further convinces her of other things


This is just a short list of many things that are happening and ongoing. I have tried sitting down with her and going through many things with her. Even when I prove something is not as she believes , she turns it around or creates new things to fit in with how she is thinking.
The problem is my dad believes there is something wrong but won't talk to anyone. My mother is convinced it is not her and he is causing it all.
It has become a massive strain on everyone and I don't know what to do to help them. My mum is adamant she now wants to sell the house, get a divorce and go her own way,

Any help or guidance very much appreciated. Watching them both go through this is heartbreaking.

Thank you

 

[nita]

Hallo @njb73 . It could be dementia or psychosis. You need to get her to the GP as soon as possible, perhaps under a pretext that she needs a check up. Does she have any other health problems that need monitoring? You can write your concerns down and pass them to the surgery or doctor beforehand. I am sure they will have encountered this type of situation before.

You can't convince a person with paranoia that their fears are not real, I am afraid so probably not much use trying. Just try to distract her by changing the subject or getting a cup of tea, anything.

 

[njb73]

Hi Nita,
We can't even mention the doctor in front of her. She point blank refuses there is anything wrong with her. She has lost a lot of weight recently and blames my dad for it. I have mentioned just going to the doctor for a check up and then she accuses me of sticking up for my dad and all being against her. She has even reverted to trying to get in contact with people she has not spoken to in over 20 years where she believes they are her only friends. However the reason why they have not spoken in 20 years was because they were not friends.
Distraction just does not work. She keeps asking if I webelieve her. If we don't agree or skirt around the subject she pretty much explodes. She talks with such hate and conviction towards my dad all the time.

 

[Spottydog]

Such a difficult situation for you. The only option is to contact her GP with a list like you have done above and ask that they intervene. Say that you are concerned for both parents welfare. You should be able to do this by online form and make it clear the difficulties you are having trying to sort this out and really need professional help. She really needs some basic checks, e.g. Blood tests to rule out anything that is reversible. Is she on any medication?

 

[njb73]

no, she is not on any medication.

 

[Spottydog]

The weight loss is a concern and could indicate something other than dementia, eg. Thyroid problem. I think you need to find a way to alert the GP and do mention the weight loss, whether contacting them yourself or perhaps convincing your dad to go for a check up (still priming the GP about what's going on and assuming they attend the same surgery) as this must be an awful strain for him. Another option is to get a close friend/family member to try to get her to go for a checkup but that sounds unlikely. There is no way you can disprove her beliefs unfortunately as she will just move onto the next one.

 

[Sarasa]

Welcome Nick (@njb73 ), I'm sorry that such a difficult and sad situation ahs brought you here.
Do make sure your dad has somewhere safe to go if he thinks he might be in danger from your mum's aggression. It is quite likely that he isn't telling you how bad things can get and if he does feel things are getting out of hand he needs to keep his phone with him, find a lockable space and call the police. That sounds really over the top and dramatic but they are trained to help and it hopefully will mean your mum will get the help she needs.

 

[Fotoliza]

Hello, This sounds like a safeguarding issue. You must write down your concerns and contact the GP. Perhaps you could go with your Dad for an appointment. Unless your parents have given consent for you to speak on their behalf it will not be easy, but they will be able to receive information even if they won't discuss it without written consent. Then maybe they can come out to see them or send a CPN.
Goodluck.

 

[Fotoliza]

Such a difficult situation for you. The only option is to contact her GP with a list like you have done above and ask that they intervene. Say that you are concerned for both parents welfare. You should be able to do this by online form and make it clear the difficulties you are having trying to sort this out and really need professional help. She really needs some basic checks, e.g. Blood tests to rule out anything that is reversible. Is she on any medication?

Agreed

 

[leny connery]

Agreed

or talk to #Admiral nurse for advice and direction. or healthandcare.org.uk...they are amazing. I called admiral nurse and whoever answered always gave their full time and attention and for as long as you want to talk. and advice what is appropriate